My Dream Car
I know that every red blooded man enjoys to drive a car, and this is something that you can't understand if you are a women or gay (unless you are a lesbian, because in my travels I have found them to be quite manly, with their chin hair and testicles and all). I have driven a car on many occasions, often to get to a place of business that will sell me a delicious snack or festively sounding CD in exchange for just a few dollars.So of course I have spent time thinking about what my dream car would look like. Finally I drew up a rough sketch of how this vehicle would be. Check it out and I will explain to you why my dream car kicks so much ass.
Aren't you just blown away by how cool this truck is? I mean, look at all of its features.
1.) A sweet ass picture of a bear on the front to scare off potential punks who will want to mess with my shit. They will take one look at my truck and be like "Oh shit! It's a bear. Run!" After all, no one fucks with a bear and lives to tell about it.
2.) Several features are borrowed from a Pirate Ship. The steering wheel is just like one used to steer a Pirate Ship (I am the person right there driving, of course). Also I have a mast with a sail that I can use on windy days to save on gas. On top of the mast is a crows nest that is manned from time to time so I can have to advantage of knowing what is beyond the horizon before my enemies do. And I have a lot of enemies after me who want to mess with my shit.
You will also notice that I have a Pirate Flag upon my truck. This is to symbolize that I am as cool as a Pirate. The image on my flag in Casey Jones, the masked stranger from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Casey Jones is a real badass and True American, and the only person besides Burt Reynolds who deserves to adorn my Pirate Flag.
3.) A giant speaker sits in the passenger side seat to blast out the groovy tunes I set my truck's stereo to play.
4.) Since all the space in the cabin is taken up by me and my sound system, I have filled the back with many foxy ladies. They are all ready to have sex with me, for free no less, when I pull over my badass truck to a Wal-Mart parking lot.
5.) A spare black man sits in the back, because you never know when you will need an extra Negro. We've all been there before. Sometimes you will settle into your new plantation and the fields will be covered with all this cotton somebody has got to pick, and that person sure as hell ain't going to be white.
6.) Finally, cool flames streak across the side of my truck because I am on fire, baby.
How about those specs? I bet the engine will be really big as well and allow me to drive really fast. Anyway, I will most likely give friends rides if I consider any of them cool enough, but right now, I don't consider any one I know cool enough. But in case I did, because say, one of my friends did something cool like kick ass and take names, then I would give that person a short ride in my truck. And if I did give people rides in my truck it would look just like this:
There are plenty of bitches to go around for everyone.
That is how cool my dream car will be. It will be so cool, all the peeps on the street will be like "Damn. That is a sweet ass dream car." And that is before any of them will have seen it. Because my car will be the thing of legends.