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Jack White Beats the Shit Out of Some Punk


Both were at the launch party of Blanche’s new album at Detroit's Magic Stick venue (December 13).

According to local police Jack and Jason were involved in an argument that came to blows.

As a result of the fracas Stollsteimer was treated for facial injuries at the local Detroit Receiving Hospital, while White had minor injuries to his hand.

The Von Bondies' management have issued a statement to the American press, which reads: "Stollsteimer was violently attacked by Jack White of The White Stripes without warning or provocation. White approached Stollsteimer during the concert, physically forcing him against the speakers, and began shouting. Stollsteimer attempted to turn his head [to] face White but refused to engage in conversation. Visibly angered by Stollsteimer's unwillingness to argue or fight, White spat into Stollsteimer's face and punched him in the head and face repeatedly. White then forced Stollsteimer to the ground and continued his attack until White was restrained by several crowd members. Stollsteimer was rushed by ambulance to Detroit Receiving Emergency Center for treatment. Stollsteimer has been released and is recovering from the attack at home. No further details are available at this time.

MTV news reports Jack has also filed a complaint saying he was acting in self-defence. A UK spokesperson for The White Stripes is unwilling to comment.

Jack White, as you may know, is the guitarist and singer for the rock band, The White Stripes. He is also a totally sweet fucking badass now. Just look at how badly Jack White kicked the shit out of that guy:

Jason Stollsteimer beat up

Jesus Christ, that guy got fucked like a little bitch. And of course, Jack White emerged unscathed. And you thought all musicians were pussies. Well, the guy from the Von Bondies sure is, but not Jack White. Jack White is such a badass, he must be a Pirate. Only a Pirate could fuck a guy up that badly and not get messed up himself. Jack White’s only injury was a little scratch to his hand, which is bound to happen when you are repeatedly crushing someone’s skull with your fist.

I bet that right after that beating, Jack White felt so manly, that he took Meg White and fucked her 500 times in a row with his massive Pirate Cock, right on the floor of the club in front of everyone. He fucked her so much, that Meg had to cry out for him to stop because it was starting to hurt her. But Jack just slapped her in the face a few times and kept right on going. Put that bitch in her place, too.

Jack White is going on trial soon to answer to charges of kicking so much ass and being totally sweet. He'll now doubt be found guilty by reason of being a badass. Of course, he'll have to do some hard prison time, but Jack White is going to be running that place in no time flat. Everyone in prison is going to be so scared that Jack White will just flip out and beat the shit out of them too. There are guys in prison who murdered whole bus loads of Mexican wrestlers, but are going to piss themselves in Jack's presence.

You know, it's bee awhile since there have been any new Dolemite movies. Jack White would be perfect to reprise the role when gets out of prison and is set free on the world.

Jack White Dolemite