How to Improve Pornography
1. Get Rid of All the MenI don't know anyone who enjoys looking at naked men, and I can't imagine how anyone would. Men are very hairy and have penises, which aren't nice to look at. I have been told that men are usually involved in having sex, but I see no reason why they should be on TV. Instead they could just have two women having sex with each other somehow. People should start making porno's with two girls like that; I bet they would make a lot of money. If you absolutely need to feature a man in your porn, just have a woman with short hair and small boobies pretend to be one.
You can't fool me. Stay out of my pornography!
2. More Kirby
I'm sure you're a lot like me. And since you are, you probably find the video game character Kirby very, very erotic. He should be featured often in pornography. If they just made a porno where they show Kirby standing around for an hour, I would masturbate to that and pay top dollar for it too.
3. That Pizza is Getting Cold, You Might as Well Eat it Before You Go A Fucking
The number one setup for porn movies is the time-tested plot of having a pizza delivery boy come to a lonely and naked woman's house. The woman is so poor that she cannot pay for the pizza or clothes, so the pizza delivery boy has sex for her in lieu of payment.
But the big problem with this premise is that you never know what happened to the pizza. It is no doubt getting cold while the fucking is underway, and it's not as much fun to eat cold pizza, especially when you had the opportunity to eat it hot; that's just wasting pizza. For now on, whenever they have a porno start with a pizza delivery boy, they should show the two people eating the pizza for at least 20 minutes before they get on to having sex. I equate eating pizza with as much joy as having sex anyway, and buying a pizza is a lot cheaper.
All children enjoy reading about pizza.
4. Make A Bunch of Porno Movies Staring the Character Gracie Law from Big Trouble in Little China
Gracie Law is the hottest character in a movie ever. She even caught the eye of the 2000 year old Chinese warlord, David Lo Pan. Every time I watch that movie, I cannot help but cream myself. If they had pornos with Gracie Law having sex I would give up buying food or donating to a charity, and just buy copies and copies of those films.
Kim Cattrall plays her, and you might know her as the woman on Sex and the City who has all the sex. So she would be perfect to be in porno movies. And since Sex and the City is going off the air soon, and I doubt John Carpenter and Kurt Russell will make a sequel to Big Trouble in Little China, as they have found more success in the Escape from New York and Escape from LA franchise, she will need work. I looked up Kim Cattrall's filmography on the internet. Her major film roles include Mannequin, Crossroads, and Porky's, which means she is willing to be in just about anything.
No caption needed. I am spent.