The Punch Has Too Much Sugar
I am in a Music Appreciation class this semester. As part of the grade, I have to attend a number of school sponsored music concerts. Unfortunately, the college does not bring in cool bands like Ronnie James Dio or Jessie and the Rippers. Instead they mostly sponsor classical music and choirs. Last Sunday, a friend and I went to hear the MSU Children's Choir, who were about to start their Midwestern tour in support of Slipknot. The choir was just your basic large ensemble of little children who sang choir songs--one of which sounded like it would make a good theme song for a sitcom--for an hour and a half. A good show, but it was not important.What is important is what happened during the intermission. Punch and cookies were served. That was sweet. Way too sweet, my friend. The punch had so much sugar in it that it was painful. It was like a God damn rush of sugar that came to your house and beat you with a baseball bat to within an inch of your life. You know what it is like to drink something that is so sugary you feel like you aren't man enough to handle it? Well, I don't. I managed to drink it, but in doing so I almost went into an diabetic shock. Whoever mixed that punch must have had five bathtubs full of sugar lying around that she had to get off of her hands. That is how much sugar was in that punch.
No adult should handle that much sugar. But I didn't learn, and I went back to refill my cup with the super sugar drink. That was the riskiest thing I have ever done in my life. My brother and I have fought Ninjas in hand to hand combat in our garage and I have swum in shark infested waters to rescue friends caught behind enemy lines, but I have never put my life in my hands so foolishly when I refilled my cup that day. Looking back, I was lucky to emerge alive.
The thing is, I'm not 7
years old anymore. At that age, you could swallow sugar by the bag full for
days on end and not feel it. But as I grow older, I can't take in that much sugar
and expect to live another day. I OD'ed on Starbursts over Christmas break.
But that experience was a little to traumatic for me, and I really don't
feel well enough to talk about it.
That punch was not like a pleasant like this kind of punch.
It was more like a PUNCH TO THE FACE!
It was more like a punch to the face BY A LUMBERJACK!