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I Tell You #5

Christopher WalkenYou can lead a horse to water but I'll be damned if you can get it to drink. You have to be gentle with it first, you know, to win its trust. Take it out to a romantic movie, dancing, and just show it that you care. This may take many months, but they pay off is well worth it.

To err is human, to make honey is honey bee.

I am not about to let the wood imps fool me again.

Watching Clash of the Titans is preferable to having sex. I would know, I do both daily.

I once went through the drive through lane at McDonald's without a car; I just walked right through. They refused to serve me. I told them who I was, but to no avail. If anything, it was the reason they made a call to the police. So I did the only natural thing; I ran it doors, dropped my trousers and defecated on the counter. Then I amscrayed before the fuzz showed up.

If you put a bird and fish together, man that thing could go to anyplace on Earth.

Can someone help me out here? I have no idea whether Alaska is right on the border with Canada or floating in the Pacific Ocean right off shore of Mexico. The people who make maps can't seem to agree on this.

Ever since I got on it, I don't know how I can go a day without eating a bag of dog food.

I came up with a fun new game. You go to a person's house, find yourself the right spot, and as soon as you are alone, poop. I do not mean to go use the bathroom; I mean poop in a random place in that person's house. The object of the game is too see how long the person takes to uncover the poop. It is a good idea to poop in a discrete place like a closet or under a bed, not in the center of the living room. You will get found out too quickly. I found that out the hard way when I was at Nicole Kidman's house once. You don't want to get caught, ever. If the homeowner ever confronts you, lie and say why would you just poop in a random part of the house, that is absurd.

Do you think they made it out alive? I would think not. I planned for every possible scenario.

So, I heard there is a New Hampshire.

Time for a snack.