Mysterious Connections Between The White Power Ranger and Casey JonesI found out that the Power Rangers are fighting dinosaurs now. In fact they have dedicated an entire series to fighting dinosaurs; it is called Power Rangers Dino Thunder. I tell you those dinosaurs are fucked, because the Power Rangers have big ass robots and the guidance of a giant disembodied head, sort of like Ron Glassesís character on the show Teen Angel. I was going to put either a picture or a link to a picture here but it turns out there are very few websites dedicated to the show Teen Angel. I would chalk this up to the fact that only about 15 people have seen the show Teen Angel. But this article isnít about the forgotten gems of television, no it is about the fact that
THE WHITE POWER RANGER Looks Like CASEY JONES
|Hereís Tommy, the white ranger||and hereís Casey Jones, who is back, not black|
Look at them. Take about ten years off of Casey and they are the same person. What does this mean? There are two distinct possibilities.
- Casey Jones tired of the ruff n tuff lifestyle of a New York vigilante gets on his motorcycle and drives for a sight seeing trip in Maine. On his way there he stops at a biker bar. While having a drink he sees
Dolph Lundgren being mean to his girlfriend. Casey Jones of course intervenes on the girlís behalf. This enrages Dolph Lundgren, and he challenges Casey to a cross country motorcycle trip. Casey accepts, because thereís no way Casey Jones is going back down to this kind of challenge so the great adventure begins. Casey Jones starts off and is doing well, but Dolph Lundgren uses some of his dirty tricks to slow Casey down. Like in Burr Ridge Illinois, Dolph Lundgren calls the police and tells them that Casey is the North Side Rapist and Casey has to run from the police, or in Thornton Colorado where Dolph Lundgren lights several fires and Casey Jones has to save a bunch of orphans. Then in New Mexico Dolph Lundgren sabotages Casey Jonesís bike and it looks bad, but then out of nowhere
Jack Burton drives up in the Pork Chop Express. Jack is heading to California and decides to let Casey ride with him. Along the way the two of them have a dramatic battle with ninjas who have teamed up with Dolph Lundgren. After a brilliant battle and many explosions Casey Jones makes it past the finish line first in a last second gamble. The Dolph Lundgrenís girlfriend then makes love to Casey Jones. However Casey cannot stay with her, and must return to do battle on the mean streets of the Big Apple. The woman then gives birth to Tommy, who inherits his fatherís natural fighting abilities and becomes THE WHITE RANGER.
- Casey Jones IS Tommy the White Power Ranger. You see Tommy was the child of a teenage runaway. Growing up he was full of angst and anger. The evil lady the Power Rangers always fought saw this and turned him into the Green Ranger, however the rest of the Power Rangers were able to convert him to good. This weakened the Green Ranger though, and he eventually lost his powers. Then the giant non-Ron Glass head secretly began making plans for the White Ranger. The giant non-Ron Glass head, who according to some research I just did, is named Zordon. So anyways, Zordon assumed that the current villain Zedd has gone to sleep for a 1000 years, because he hasnít attacked for a few days. So Zordon starts making the White Ranger. Zordan doesnít tell the other Rangers that he making a White Ranger because he wants it to be a surprise. Sure this isnít the best idea because he has to power down the control center and the Rangers canít find him because he is building the White Ranger in the basement and none of them knew about the basement. In fact, itís a really bad idea because the Power Rangers got their asses kicked while Zordon was gone. So that was some really bad planning on his part, I guess when youíre a giant disembodied head whose only companion is a fag robot you donít always plan things thru. So anyway,
the White Ranger turns out to be Tommy who becomes the leader of the
Rangers, and the rest is history, or is it?
Maybe after years of being a Power Ranger left a mark on Tommy, he still has the urge to beat people to death. But how is he going to do this now that he is no longer a Power Ranger? Quickly he comes up with a great idea: he heads to New York, puts on a hockey mask, changes his name to Casey Jones and begins beating people with a hockey stick. However the morals he learned from being a Power Ranger are too strong for him to only bludgeon old women to death, so he starts a lucrative career of murdering punks who commit crime. The rest is history.
We may never know the true connections between The White Ranger, and Casey Jones. Remember these are only theories. It could be that I am completely wrong and there is no connection, but I doubt it because I am always right. There must be some connection, hopefully someday Casey Jones will shed some light on the situation, until then we can only wonder.
Now hereís the moment youíve all been waiting for:
THE CASEY JONES PICTURE GALLERY
Casey Jones making love to April
Cartoon Casey ready to kick ass