Beauty: the Wonder Pig!
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That's one astounding piglet, let me tell you. Makes that talking pig from Charlotte's Web look like a bitch. Check out how athletic it is; it's just spending all its free time training and competing in pig centered athletic competitions. Leave it to the Australians to come up with something like a pig sporting event. It must be the result of that hole in the ozone layer over them and all the heatstroke. But that piglet, man, that is a hell of a competitor. If Beauty the Wonder Pig keeps up this kind of drive and determination then one day, it could grow up to lead a farm of its own where it employs an annoying rooster, a little chicken that still lives in its egg, and two sheep, one of which is a stoner. The whole crew will sing songs about why the damn duck that is a giant pussy shouldn't be so afraid of everything.
I was of course, just referencing the great cartoon "US Acres" that appeared in the middle of the Garfield and Friends cartoon show. There is a Garfield movie coming out soon, which is a stupid idea. The Garfield comic strip is the most unfunny thing ever until this this website came online. Only incredibly stupid children and overweight adults who buy Garfield merchandise to stick on their cars are going to like the Garfield movie. Therefore, I propose that as a way to decrease the population of this over crowded planet and ensure that only the most intelligent are left to breed a new generation, the government launch missiles into theatres during screenings of the Garfield movie. Result: less retards. What makes this plan most efficient is the fact that dumbass Garfield fans will not learn from people being killed at previous screenings, so they will still go to the movies expecting a show. What they will be met with is a Tomahawk cruise missile and a real show: Dead Idiots. You know, instead of making a stupid Garfield movie in the first place, they should have just made a US Acres movie. You think The Passion of the Christ made an impact on people's lives? Well, US Acres: The Movies will crush Christianity and convert the world over into US Acres fans, which should be a religion in itself. And Beauty the Wonder Pig could be at the center of it all.
I mean, this is just such an impressive piglet. Imagine all the adventures it must have had in the 20 weeks it has been alive. Let's take a closer look at the dive Beauty the Wonder Pig did at the Australian Pig Games.
There goes Beauty the Wonder Pig jumping out of its Wonder Cage. You can't keep a piglet like that locked up. No Sir, it yearns to be free and will immediately leap out, in mid air if it must, once the cage is opened.
Splash! Nothing like a cool dip in a pool after a day of kicking ass and taking names at the Australian Pig Games.
Good job Beauty the Wonder Pig. You made your parents very proud.
