Easter: A Day to Remember
Easter, what a holiday. I can't think of a better way to celebrate the death of Jesus then by eating a piece of chocolate shaped like a bunny. Oh yes, Easter, one of the few holidays that requires getting up early. Of course by early I mean 9 o'clock, back in the days of my youth I use to get up all early, excited about the bountiful collection of sugary treats the Easter Bunny had delivered the night before. Now I am a lot older and a little wiser, and have realized that the candy won't be going anywhere. I have also realized that the Easter Bunny, unlike the Sasquatch, is not real. Still that has not stopped my parents from hiding candy and forcing me and my brothers to find it while they take a multitude of pictures. I would be happy if they just gave me the candy in a large bag. That just isn't the Easter way.I was inspecting my Easter candy and must say it was a bit disappointing. First of all, there were no Peeps, what is up with that? Until this year I didn't even know it was possible to not receive Peeps in an Easter Basket. I thought the government handed them out, and if you refused them, they sent you to some sort of hard labor camp. However this year there were no Peeps to be seen. So either you have to buy them or my parents are fugitives. My chocolate bunny is a bit of a mystery to me. It is smaller then a normal chocolate bunny, but is not hollow. I have always had hollow bunnies, so this is sure to be a treat. The best part of the candy haul was the overall lack of jellybeans. In fact I didn't receive a single jelly bean. Some people might be disappointed by not getting such an Easter staple, but personally I think jelly beans taste like ass, so I was happy.
Candy isn't the only thing you eat on Easter day, in addition to chocolate you must eat ham. Lots of Easter ham, because where I come from you only eat one meal on Easter. That meal comes along at 4 in the afternoon, until then you can only eat candy, and a few dozen deviled eggs. While on the subject of deviled eggs, am I the only one that thinks it's weird that while on a holiday in which we celebrate Jesus coming back to life as a zombie, we eat a food with Devil in its name? That would be like waking up on Christmas morning, opening presents and then eating a big bowl of SATAN flakes, or on Saint Patrick's Day eating a plate full of "The Irish Suck Dick" patties. Maybe the name of deviled eggs should be changed to something else, like Jesus eggs, or possible Crucifixion Bites. Either way deviled eggs remain the best tasting food that is only eaten one day of the year. So it is appropriate that on the one day you eat them; that is all you eat, deviled eggs and ham. Beautiful wonderful ham.
Easter is a great holiday. You get candy, sometimes presents, ham, Jesus, and TV specials which feature rabbits and children saving the day. Of all the holidays celebrated in this nation Easter is by far the most loved, except for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Halloween, Fourth of July, Saint Patrick's Day, Kwanza, Groundhog's Day, and pretty much every other holiday. However, Easter is the most beloved holiday to feature ham, though, except of course for The Feast of Ham.