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Nintendo T-Shirts All Together

Nintendo shirts seem to be the new thing to wear if you aren't particularly cool. Wherever you go, if there are young people there, and some aren't particularly cool, you will see at least one Nintendo shirt. In fact those shirts are coming out in such high numbers that fashion experts are exclaiming, "Shit that's a lot of shirts about Nintendo games". Yes, this latest fad appears to be taking the t-shirt industry by storm.

Personally I don't see why these are selling so well now. Once upon a time I owned a Mario shirt. I also was in kindergarten at the time. But we as a people have fallen in love with nostalgia. Shows like I Love the 80s and websites like X-Entertainment are more popular then Pepsi One and Sammy Hagar combined. So it makes sense that the clothing industry would exploit this for gain. Soon Ninja Turtle and Transformer shirts came to stores and we bought them up. So it makes sense for Nintendo to fallowed suit. As The Wizard and the Game Boy Advance have shown Nintendo will do anything for money, disregarding all aspects of quality or pride. So reader beware you're in for a scare because here are my reviews for Nintendo shirts.

"Know Your Roots shirt"

Here's a simple design. A white t-shirt with a NES controller and it says "Know your Roots". The question I pose to the shirt is this: what roots? This is Nintendo, not family history. Besides, there are older systems that should count farther as the roots of modern video games. The NES wasn't even the oldest system that Nintendo made. The person who buys this shirt does so in an attempt to look superior because he likes something older and less available then alternatives, but in the end just looks like a fool. They would been better off making a shirt about the hit mini-series about black people.

Final grade: C

"Da Boss shirt"

This shirt is fairly accurate. Bowser is the boss of the Mario games, except for Mario Brothers 2, and the Game Boy ones, and Mario Paint. I'm not entirely sure what the point of the shirt is. Is it to inform those who are not familiar with Bowser that he is, in fact, the boss? Is this the shirt that Bowser's employees wear? Maybe by wearing the shirt you also become "Da Boss", although I would rather be "The Boss" Bruce Springsteen because then you get to rock out every night.

Final Grade: C-

"Duck Hunt shirt"

Duck Hunt is the most fun game ever. No matter who you are, or how little you play video games, you will love Duck Hunt. There are people who have never played a single video game in their entire life and they still somehow have fond memories of Duck Hunt. The only part of Duck Hunt that isn't perfect is that damn dog who mocks you. So what if I missed the ducks, they're fast you rat bastard. The shirt doesn't feature the dog, so there isn't any way it gets better, unless they got rid of those weird arms. I have my own arms thank you, I don't need yours.

Final Grade: A+

"Excite Bike shirt"

Excite Bike? Why the fuck did they make an Excite Bike shirt? Sure the game is fun and all, but has anybody ever played it for more then ten minutes at a time? All you basically do is press one button and try to not press it to much, not exactly breathtaking excitement. Oh well, at least its better then Excite Bike 64, where the best feature of the game is that you can play the NES version.

Final Grade: B

"The Secret to Eternel Life shirt"

Holy inside joke Batman-only a handful of people will realize the true meaning of this shirt. For those of you who are not in the know this is the famous Konomi code. If you put it in correctly on the title screen of certain Konomi games it would give you a bunch of extra lives, thus making games like Contra or Lifeforce actually beatable. A very useful code indeed. However, it doesn't translate well into shirt form. A little rule of thumb I have, if it takes several minutes to explain the meaning of your shirt to the average person then maybe you just shouldn't wear that shirt. Besides the code doesn't even give you eternal life. This entire shirt is a crock of bull.

Final Grade: D

"Say Hello to my Little Friend shirt"

On the one hand, Mega Man is in a lot of great games, and this shirt is the same color as a Back to the Future shirt I own. On the other hand, the phrase "Say hello to my little friend" not only has nothing to do with Mega Man, but it makes it look like he's about to expose himself, and if there is one thing I don't support it is robot penis. Robot vagina, on the other hand, gets my full support.

Final Grade: C

"Keep it Real shirt"

This shirt wants you to keep it real with a Nintendo controller, as opposed to the fake controllers of the Sega Genesis or something. This is another one of those shirts that you are suppose to wear because you are so much cooler for liking Nintendo then those losers with there X boxes and Play stations. So you wear this shirt and they will all be like "Shit that guy likes something that is older then what we like, he is so hardcore."

Final Grade: D

"I Beat the 8 Master Robots shirt"

Now here's a Mega Man shirt I support. Mega Man 2 is the best Mega Man game ever. Although I dislike the fact that the shirt is available to anybody, not just to only those who beat all the robot masters. Quick Man's stage is fucking hard and I want proper credit for the years I spent trying to beat it.

Final Grade: A-

"Metroid shirt"

Metroid is a game which gained a large amount of popularity despite the fact that it isn't a very good game. I see no reason why it deserves its own shirt while Nintendo greats like Jaws and Bubble Bobble go without. Anybody who bought this shirt should feel bad about giving a bad game support and money.

Final Grade: D-

"Boost shirt"

Yoshi? He's from a Super Nintendo game, while most of the other shirts represent regular Nintendo games, but what the hell, he's cool. I guess there was a regular Nintendo game called Yoshi's Cookie, but it wasn't very good. Now that I think about it, he had another Nintendo game called Yoshi, which was slightly above average, making his total regular Nintendo game count two, which is equal to Nintendo Super Star Link, and one more then popular Nintendo character Samus, from Metroid. I have no idea why it says "boost".

Final Grade: B-

"Don't Make Me Go Zelda on You shirt"

Hmm this looks good. Excellent game, catchy slogan and it features some of the important equipment needed to beat the first Zelda game. Wait a minute there's no hammer in the first Zelda game! Nice try fuckers, but I caught you. You can't get away with inaccurate shit like that around here bitch.

Final Grade: F