The Web BtC

The Truth About Kurt Cobain. Or, if I was Canadian, "Aboot."

The other day I decided to head down to the Caff in order to grab some dinner. It was about twenty after fourómuch earlier then any reasonable person would go eat dinner, but I had a class at five so if I didn't eat dinner then, I would have to go without food until eight, and that just isn't acceptable. So, I go down and I grab a sub sandwich and a spinach salad because I like to eat food that starts with "S". I would have drank a Sierra Mist Soda, but that stuff tastes like shit.

Well, there I am eating and who do I see? It's none other then Kurt Cobain, famed Nirvana front man. Turns out he isn't as dead as we all thought. He must have faked his suicide and decided to go to college. I guess the stressfull life of a rock superstar just got to be too much for him. I bet he is an art major. I hear he always enjoyed painting and writing poetry, so he might as well get paid to do it. Hopefully, sometime after graduation, he will decide to make a new album. It may be hard to get the band back together though; Dave Grohl not only has the Foo Fighters but has somehow managed to drum for about thirty different bands in the last four years. Meanwhile, Krist Novoselic managed to form a really awesome band, Eyes Adrift, which nobody but me seems to like. The band's album sold so poorly that Novoselic retired from music. He is currently a politician, so he may be busy with that. We fans can only hope that when Kurt finally comes back to the music scene that he is able to convince his former band mates to rejoin Nirvana.

Now I bet some of you naysayers out there are probably thinking that the person I saw is in fact not Kurt Cobain, just some sort of crazy look alike. Well, I say to you: go to hell bitch, that was him. No mere copycat could pull off the look more accurately. From the hair oh-so delicately hanging over his eyes, to the large torn sweater covered in filth, to that look of both happiness and grumpiness. This was definitely Kurt Cobain. I only wish somebody had been with me in the Caff to collaborate this event. Unfortunately I was alone, because only crazy people eat dinner at four twenty in the afternoon.

He wore this very sweater.

Quit lying to us, Man. We know the Truth.