What the Hell is the Deal with Nermal?
Nermal is a mystery. Believe it or not Nermal is in fact a man. I was surprised when I found this out, due mostly to the fact that Nermal looks like a woman, talks like a woman, and in the cartoon, he sounds like a woman. In fact, the person who did Nermal's voice was a woman, or at least a man with a girly name.
Many people don't even think Nermal is a man. I use to be part of this uninformed majority. Those were simpler days when life was easy and I was sure of the sex of those I saw on TV. Then I heard some guy say Nermal was a man. No way I exclaimed. Way he exclaimed. Then he made a joke about how we sounded like Bill and Ted, and I sucker punched him the stomach. And that's the story of how I got banned for life from the Funeral Home.
Ha ha. I was just kidding; they lifted the ban after 6 months. Still though, the seeds of doubt were planted in my mind, and it soon bloomed into a full grown Mystery Tree™. So I decided to do some research. About 20 minutes later I found out the truth: Nermal was a man. I learned the gender on this page.
If I may quote Nermal's description:
Self-proclaimed "World's Cutest Kitten," Nermal often flaunts his cuteness while he taunts Garfield about his looks and age. But Garfield gets in his licks: he once mailed Nermal to Abu Dhabi!
Hee Hee. They clearly referred to Nermal as he. This meant one thing: Nermal was in fact a man. My world was turned upside down. Night was day, up was down. This was worse then the time I found out Ghostwriter was just a fable. How could this be? There are several theories.
The Nermal is Gay Theory
The driving idea behind this theory is that the reason Nermal resembles a woman so much is that in reality, Nermal is a homosexual. This does seem reasonable since homos do often act like women, and enjoy wearing dresses while singing Cher songs. However, there is a lack of supporting evidence of Nermal's homosexuality. Never does Nermal wear short shorts, or try to have sex with Garfield. Supporters of this theory would argue that Nermal isn't having sex with Garfield because he is fat, but then I ask you: who is Nermal having sex with? Until I see evidence of Nermal taking it up the ass, I won't be taking this theory very seriously.
Nermal is in it for the Money Theory
In this comic Garfield asks Nermal why he is so cute. Nermal then makes a comment about how he makes money from greeting cards. That could be the key to Nermal's secret vault of femininity. He is only acting so cute and girly in order to rake in the cash in the highly lucrative cat greeting card business. Which surprisingly makes millions of dollars a day. Cat greeting cards are America's second biggest business, right behind those pencils with the rocks in them that you buy at gift shops, and Nermal is right in the middle of it.
Nermal Hasn't Hit Puberty Yet Theory
It has been established that Nermal is still a kitten. If I remember my biology correctly, that means that he is still young. So his cuteness could be a result of still being young. Just look at Hanson, they looked like girls until they hit puberty some time last year, now they are just ugly. I am sure in a few years Nermal's testicals will drop and he will start looking gruffer, his fur will become more ragged, and he'll clip those damn eyelashes. Look at those things. Even if Nermal were a girl, those things would be way too damn big.
Nermal is a Transvestite Theory
Could be that that dressing like a woman gets Nermal off? Who are we to judge? If Nermal gets sexual satisfaction by dressing like a women, good for him, as long as he stays the hell away from my house.
Final Thoughts
We may never now the truth behind Nermal, and his odd behavior. We can only make educated guesses. Perhaps someday the comic will address this issue, but since this doesn't have anything to do with Garfield being old or killing a spider. I doubt it. If any of you faithful readers has anything to add to the subject feel free to email me. It would be a change from the normal emails I get which appear to be important messages, but when I open them, merely turn out to be pornography.