Post Election Reactions
It has been more than two months since the 2004 President election, which is just enough time for liberals to stop crying and get out of the fetal position, and almost enough time for conservatives to stop their victory circle jerks over Ronald Reagan portraits. With this in mind, we have gathered several opinions from both sides of the political spectrum to see what various people, both prominent and unimportant, have to say about the election outcome and their choice of candidate.On the Left
Markos Moulitsas, webmaster of Democratic political blog
dailykos.com
"We did everything we could to get out the vote for John Kerry. We sent out mass emails to fundraise online. We organized campaigns on the web with moveon.org and democraticunderground.com. We put up QuickTime videos highlighting the administration's hypocrisy. We launched get out the vote drives on every corner of the internet. And it turns out Bush's support came from churches. Churches? What are these churches? That's a weird name for a website. What's the url address for churches?
Hey, what's all that green stuff on the other side of my window? Boy, it sure looks bright out there."
Brad Jeffries,
high school student
"Ok, ok, if the Republicans pick up more congressional seats in the 2006 election, then I am defiantly moving to Canada. Seriously. I mean it this time."
Wild fish,
water dwelling vertebrate
"Fuck."
Sandra Ivins, anti-war activist
"George W. Bush lied to the American people, and the world people about the reason to invade Iraq. He LIED to start a war. Don't you get it? Bush lied about a war. He lied! He lied! Is any of this getting through to you? He lied about a war! Christ, it's like I'm talking to a brick wall here."
Linda Vester, receptionist
"Looks like I'd better stock up on birth control now, because that stuff ain't gonna be legal for much longer."
Manny Johansson, homosexual
"Man, I always kind of knew most people in this country didn't like homosexuality, you know. But after seeing voters in eleven states ban gay marriage, then Bush winning re-election, all I can say is this: Americans really, really hate gay people. I mean, they truly do hate us. Damn. Just...damn."
Corey Chen, Kerry campaign volunteer
"Apparently, a lot of people said they didn't understand what Kerry's position on issues were, and that he didn't explain his policies well enough. I don't know what people didn't get about where he stands. His platform was pretty simple: he wasn't George Bush. That should have been good enough."
Andrea Wells, University of California at Berkeley student
"Why did so many people vote for Bush? That's stupid. Don't these people know anything? Dumb Americans. They should have voted for Kerry like smart people did. It's that simple. These dumb people need to know that voting for Republicans is dumb and they should stop. I don't know why so many people don't see that."
Richard Clarke, former counter terrorism official, author Against All Enemies: Inside America's War on
Terror
"The Bush Administration has done nothing to make America safer after 9/11, and the invasion of Iraq has actually embolden terrorists. You can read about it in my book Against All Enemies. It's probably going to be selling at a considerably marked down price now, so it will be a bargain."
Jason Flemming, System of a Down fan
"It's obvious George Bush stole this sham election just like he did in 2000. There was defiantly fraud taking place in Ohio and Florida, in addition to efforts to suppress the vote of minorities. This country needs to ensure that we have a fair and honest outcome to our elections, and by that, I mean an election where the guy I like wins."
On the Right
Charles Johnson, webmaster of right wing bicycling blog
littlegreenfootballs.com
"I became a Bush supporter after September 11, because he is the right man for the job of killing all those dirty, dirty, evil fucking Muslims. I hate Muslims so much that if I were to see a god damn towel head here, right now, I would so shoot it in its face. Once, I actually had a girlfriend a couple of years ago, believe it or not, and she was getting out of the shower and had wrapped a towel around her head, so I mistook her for an evil sand monkey and sucker punched her in the neck. She got mad and kicked me in the nuts...but I hate Muslims so much, kill them all."
James Dobson, chairman of Focus on the Family
"God has done a great thing by placing George W. Bush in the White House. For years, we activists on the religious right have only been forcefully telling Americans what to do and how to behave. But now we can finally force our beliefs on people by way of law."
Alan Messier, Eureka College sophomore, member of College Republicans
"The President won this election because he never wavers, unlike that flip-flopper Ker-
Hey, my cell phone is ringing. It's my mom, hang on.
Yeah...yeah...No mom! I told you, I want a RED Mercedes, not a green one. For crying out loud, what is wrong with you? I have to drive around this hick town in a shitty '03 Crown Vic! If you don't get me my new car before we go to Aspen I am so going to kill you."
Sean Hannity, Fox News personality and radio talk show host
"Suck it losers."
Richard O'Neil, unemployed auto worker
"I fully support President Bush. Life's been kind of rough these days since I lost my job and health coverage two years ago when the plant closed. It's been impossible to get a new job since then in this economy, and I haven't been able to see a doctor about my breathing problem. But life would have been a hell of a lot worse had Saddam Hussein launched a nuclear missile at America, so I'm glad Bush devoted so much of the government's resources to going to war in Iraq."
Arnold Patterson, small business owner
"All these liberal cowards need to shut up and learn what freedom is. They should be forced to live in Cuba until they realize that living in a free country means you don't disagree with the President in a time of war. If they don't like the Iraq War, then they should just go live in Saddam Hussein's Iraq.
And as to why I supported the invasion of Iraq, but am not willing to enlist in the military myself, well...I'm a pussy."
Sgt. Bill Barons, injured Iraq War veteran
"I am proud of answering my President's call to duty to serve in Iraq. I lost both my arms in combat when insurgents attacked my un-armed Humvee. But even though not even a single weapon of mass destruction or even more the smallest sample of an chemical or biological agents were found ( I guess there really weren't any WMDs in Iraq), doing my duty for my country more than makes up for the fact that'll I'll have to wipe my ass with a stick attached to my mouth for the rest of my life now on."
William Anderson, insurance agent
"I was an undecided voter for along time, but I think what turned me off from voting for John Kerry was seeing those TV ads that showed how he never actually served in the Vietnam war, but instead provided aid to the Viet Cong during his marriage to Jane Fonda.
Plus, they said John Kerry was a flip-flopper. A FLIP-FLOPPER."
George Cross, lifetime Republican voter
"I voted for Bush because I wanted a president who will cut the size of the federal government and balance the budget, and the Republicans are the party of those polices.
What was that you said? We have a $400 billion budget deficit this year and the national debt has risen to $7 trillion? The size of the federal governemt is bigger than ever? Really. Now that I think about it, the only time we did have a balanced budget was with a Democrat in the White House. Oh well, I guessed I fucked up then."
Osama Bin Ladin, Al-Qaeda leader
"Bush won? Well, it looks like I won't have to worry about getting caught then. Ok cool."