I Tell You #2[originally posted 7/18/03]
I can believe it's not butter.
They don't let me go into the playland at McDonalds anymore. Every time I try, the manager pulls me out before I get past the room of tiny plastic balls. So I take my business to Taco Bell.
Tooth picks are way too expensive today. Why bother?
I wonder what hamster tastes like. A lot like gerbil, I bet.
During the last election, I voted for myself.
The odd relationship between the washer and the dryer has intrigued me all my life. One time I used my dryer to wash and my washer to dry. Results were disappointing. Next time, I will move on to human testing.
Oat bran has too many oats and not enough bran.
I like Asian people because they are so small next to me. I could pick one up and keep it as a pet.
The best part of potatoes are the seeds.
Just try to smoke a fish. It's not that great an idea.
Why don't they ever have prizes in the cereal box anymore? You always have to send away for that cool toy. I hope whoever is responsible for this rots in hell.
My name is Christopher. If anyone calls me Chris, I will stick my foot up his or her ass. This includes my mother.
There is no reason for Belgium.
The spork is a classic utensil. I enjoy the poetic combination of the spoon and the fork. The next step is to combine a spoon and a knife. A Spife.
Don't get me started on tube socks.
If you need to get some stress out of your system, as I often must do, punch and old woman in the face.
I can't fly.