The Web BtC

I Tell You #6

Christopher Walken Home is where the heart is. More specifically the freezer inside the home is where the hearts are.

You can't put a price on happiness. Children, on the other hand...

If I could be anything, I would want to be the drummer for ZZ Top, because then I'd get to shave.

I'm nuzzling with the Noozles.

You can't substitute a water balloon in place of a condom. Even those cool water balloons that look like grenades.

Now that I have the wizard's key, I shall be UNSTOPPABLE!

Because of some incriminating photos, Amanda Bynes is forced to mail me $50 each month. It's not about the money, though. I have plenty of it. It's about the principle.

Some people play Twister sexually. I play Candyland sexually.

My agent told me I need to start auditioning for roles in movies, instead of what I usually do, which is to show up on the first day of filming for some random movie, and stick myself next to the actors and in the way of the cameras. Then I stay there and do not leave or stop talking until the producers have no choice but to make me a cast member. Unlike my agent, I think this is a good system, because sometimes this even gets a paycheck.


Sharptooth fell into the big underground. I saw him.

My next door neighbor really really used to annoy me. I just hated him so much. He drove a car and mowed his lawn and bothered to take out his trash and had guests over, like he was some big shot. So one night around 4am I paid him a visit. yadda...yadda...yadda...So I now have plenty of fresh meat for hamburgers, and I'm having a cookout.

Man, I AM Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! YEAH!

The madness has to stop.