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A Goofus and Gallant Story Adventure

I came upon this story while surfing the Highlights for Children website. It combines my love of Choose Your Own Adventures books with the mystic wonders of Goofus and Gallant. What you do is you read the text, then occasionally there is a choice. You can either choose what Goofus, the self centered, fun loving, little rapscallion wants to do, or you can choose what Gallant, the honest, kind, selfless hard worker, wants to do.

The original text is going to be in bold. Then what I have to say is going to be in non-bold. I will be taking the role of the student who is going on a wild erotic adventure of science, dinosaurs, and friendship. LET THE STORY BEGIN.

You're the main character in this Goofus and Gallant story. Read the first part of the story. Then, with the help of Goofus and Gallant, decide what happens next. As you keep making choices, the story will twist and turn all the way to the end.

Alright I'm pumped and ready to go. I am so going to make this story twist in ways that it has never twisted before. It is time to begin! LET'S GET IT ON!

Time for lunch! As you enter the school cafeteria you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn and face Oskar Francona, the new kid in your class.

Oskar spent his first morning sitting quietly in the back of the classroom. Now he is holding his lunch box. He looks a bit confused.

"Excuse me," he says slowly. "There are so many more students here than at my old school. Where does our class sit?"

What do you do?

Goofus says:

Your favorite table is filling up. Don't waste time helping Oskar.

   Gallant says:

If you sat with Oskar today it might make him feel more comfortable in his new school.

I can't waste my time helping out this guy; my table is filling up fast. If I don't move quick there could be trouble. Besides I don't fully trust this Oskar guy anyways, how do I know he isn't a foreign spy? Where do people names Oskar come from anyways? I'm guessing that this guy is either from Russia or outer space. Either way, I'm not entirely comfortable with sharing a table with this guy. What if he drugs my lunch, and kidnaps me in an attempt to learn our national secrets? I can't take that chance.

You explain to Oskar that there are no assigned seats. You direct him to a table in a corner of the cafeteria.

Once Oskar walks away, you head to your favorite table. However, before you reach it, Connie Culpepper and Ricky Linz slide into the last two empty seats!

It takes a few minutes to find another seat. You open your lunch box and discover your water bottle has leaked. Looks like soggy tuna today!

You check the clock and notice that there is not much time left. You gobble your food and hurry off to the Earth Lab.

I stop to tell Oskar where to sit and those fucking bitches steal my seat. Jesus Christ some days you just want to bring a gun to school and shoot some of these assholes. Now I have to spend a few more minutes of my precious time finding a seat, and to top it all off my water bottle leaked. Fuck I'm always telling mom to give me money so I can just buy a pop at lunch but does she listen? No I have to use this god damn leaky water bottle and now my tuna is soggy.

Wet tuna? That's kind of ironic seeing how tuna is a fish and was used to be wet before it got caught and put in my sandwich, that's sort of funny. Then again, tuna is also made out of dolphins, which is sad because dolphins are smart and shouldn't be eaten. Shit look at the clock, I better get to Earth Science.

The Earth Lab fills up with students. Science is one of your best subjects, and Mr. Peluso is one of your favorite teachers. "Greetings, fellow lab rats!" says Mr. P., laughing. He writes SCIENCE PROJECT on the chalkboard. DUE IN 2 WEEKS... Or 14 DAYS...
Or 336 HOURS...
20,160 MINUTES...
1,209,600 SECONDS!

Did that guy just call me a rat? I swear people I'm this far away from going Columbine on your asses.

Mr. Peluso explains that the projects for the school science fair must be ready in two weeks. Each student can work on a project alone or team up with a classmate. You notice Oskar sitting quietly in the chair next to you.

What do you decide to do?

Goofus says:

Oskar may not be good at science, and then where will you be? You had better work alone.

   Gallant says:

Oskar seems nice enough. Why not use this as an opportunity to get to know him a little better.

I don't know if Oskar is good at science or not. I do know, however, is that without Oskar I'm going to have to do all the work myself, and that's not cool. Besides, I better keep tabs on this guy in case he is some sort of communist alien spy.

School ends and you head for home. That night, you practice the piano. Then you tackle your homework. Sometimes being a kid is hard work!

As you finish, the telephone rings. Oskar is calling. He has an idea for a fossil project, which sounds great to a dinosaur fan like you.

Being a kid is tough, homework just isn't easy. Luckily I can blow off some steam by jamming on the piano, it's time for another rousing rendition of "November Rain". Oskar is lucky he didn't call until the song ended, because I'm not going to stop rocking just for the phone. Cool, dinosaurs. I'm glad Oskar is on top of things here. I may just not regret choosing him to be my partner.

Oskar thinks it would be a good idea to get started. He asks if you can come over to his house on Saturday to begin work on the science project.

Homework on Saturday!

What do you say?

Goofus says:

What's the big hurry? There's plenty of time to finish. Better work alone.

   Gallant says:

A big project like this can take a lot of time and planning. It might be a good idea to get started soon.

Homework on Saturday! What is this guy thinking? Oh well I might as go along with this, he is organizing the entire project.

On Saturday afternoon you go to Oskar's house. As you enter, you notice a large fossil of a nautilus shell displayed in the front hallway.

You meet Oskar's mother. Dr. Francona is a paleontologist. She and Oskar have moved to town because she has taken a job at the local college.

Oskar takes you into his mother's basement laboratory. Together you pour plaster, then press objects into it, creating fossils. You use shells that you brought plus many of Oskar's things.

Normally you combine the words "basement" and "laboratory" and things take a turn for the worse. Luckily all the Fronconas have in their basement is plaster and shells, not bodies and bone saws.

You still have to pour mud into a shallow pan and bury your fossils, but it is getting late.

Oskar's mom suggests you finish the job while all the materials are out. She invites you to stay for dinner. By then the fossils will have set and you can complete the project. But you want to play video games with Ricky Linz tonight.

What do you do?

Goofus says:

Ricky just got Quasar Quest for his birthday. You've done enough. Oskar can finish without you. alone.

   Gallant says:

Quasar Quest can wait. Why not share the work equally and finish your project with Oskar?

Man this is a tough one. Quasar Quest is a pretty awesome game. However I don't want to be an asshole to Oskar, especially if his people end up enslaving America. I better keep working.

You thank Dr. Francona and call home to tell your parents.

During dinner Dr. Francona describes a dinosaur dig site she visited this past summer. She also shows you pictures of an Argentinosaurus fossil discovered there.

I wonder if she found the Argentinosarus fossil in Argentina, because that would be pretty cool. You know since the name sort the dinosaur sounds kind of like Argentina. I was in Vermont once and thought I found the bones of a Vermontasaur but it turned out to be a raccoon.

After dinner, you and Oskar complete the project. You're all set!

The day of the science fair arrives. You reach the Earth Lab just as Oskar does. You carry the project in together.

As you set it up, the other students crowd around you. Ricky Linz spots a fossil. He recognizes it as the shell you found on your grandfather's farm.

The kids start talking to you about your project. Maybe it is because of your fossil that you seem to be getting all the credit. No one seems to notice Oskar, who is standing quietly off to one side.

What do you do?

Goofus says:

Keep talking! They know you better than they know Oskar, so they probably think your opinion matters more anyway.

   Gallant says:

Oskar did a lot of the work. If you don't tell everyone, how will they know the truth?

If the people want to talk to me then I should give them what they want. If they wanted to talk to Oskar that's what they would be doing, but they want to talk to "Commander Cool" as I call myself. Besides, I was the one that had to go to Grandfather's farm. My Grandfather is a 97 year old insane Czechoslovakian immigrant who never learned English. Every time I see him he hands me a piece of caramel and then hits me in the head with a spoon. I have no idea why. Plus this farm he lives on, you know what they raise on this farm? Bears, that's right it's a bear farm, and he doesn't tie them up or anything he just let's the bears wander around free. So if I get a little credit for getting the fossil, then I think I'm going to take it.

Surrounded by classmates, you tell them all about your project. You like the attention. Then you notice Mr. P. watching. You sigh.

You signal Oskar to come over to where you are standing. You tell your classmates that it was Oskar who set the fossils so carefully in the dig site.

Hey I just realized how easy it is to make fun or Mr. P's name. It's Mr. P for God's sake, the jokes write themselves. I am so going to write Mr. P was here by the urinals.

Oskar takes over from you. As he explains what he did, Mr. Peluso gives you a big smile.

Is Mr.P hitting on me?

Your fossil project is one of several in the class that win a blue ribbon. Mr. P. says it will be entered in the town science fair too!

Hey we got a Blue Ribbon sweet; this is going on the old resume.

That night over dinner you tell your family about your day. The phone rings. Oskar is calling. On Saturday his mother is setting up a dinosaur display at the natural history museum. Would you like to go? Happily you say yes. It looks as if your science project is a big success!


Alright I got the good ending. Not only have I gained the trust of Oskar, but I also get to go to the dinosaur museum, and dinosaurs are pretty sweet. Oskar is the kind of guy I can become good friends with. He does most of the work, let's me take the credit, and brings me to the museum. I just wish he would quit taking up my Saturdays. I still haven't gotten to go over to Ricky's to play Quasar Quest.