Mail Time #3

Johnny Dangerous - 02/06/06

It's that time again, time to open the mailbag and take a look inside. This time we have significantly less letters about Power Rangers, but that doesn't mean that the emails are any saner. Here I present the emails that have been sent to me recently, plus a few classics that didn't make the mailbag last time, that I will answer now.

Date: Sat, 26 Nov 2005
From: pat stoddard
Subject: the truth about ninjas...

I know this might hurt you and you wont want to know about this. But from your site I know your a big fan of ninjas. But in reality, they weren't something to be proud of. They were usually hired killers. And most ninjas were disgraced ronins or samurais. If you were a ninja in ancient Japan, it wouldn't be something to be proud of. The first real pracitical use of ninjas was Leyasu Tokugawa used them as protection. The ninjas would pose as gardeners and snap into action when needed using shears, hoes, and slingblades for weapons. But soon after that period ninja's kinda faded out. So if you were in anicient Japan, a Ronin or Samurai would be better to be. Love the site and keep the great work up, love the Walken qoutes! By the way, guess whos Highschool picture I attached.

I'm pretty sure you are wrong. If I were a ninja I would totally be proud of it. If the ninja's are able to take out punks using shears and hoes then they must be awesome. I saw The Last Samurai and that group of ninjas attacked an entire town of samurais. That takes major balls right there. The samurais didn't have big enough balls to attack ninja town but the ninjas attacked them just for fun. The biggest defense of a ninja's honor is the fact that they can fly around on kites. I don't see any Ronins doing that, or making appearances on Hamtaro.

As for the picture, I'm going to guess that its Jack Black, it looks like Jack Black, or possibly Ike Turner. Actually I'm going to guess Geddy Lee. It has to be Geddy Lee. That is the face of a prog rocker.

Date: Wed, 12 Oct 2005
From: Dan K
Subject: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters Guide

I noticed in this in this you kept calling Karai a he when she is in fact a woman.

I never new who Karai was as of writing the article. Turns out she is Shredder's daughter. I did some research and it doesn't appear that she was in the original cartoon, or the comic series I read so I had no clue who she was. As crazy as it sounds there have been at least five different comics based off of the Ninja Turtles. I don't know why she was put in the game since only a few people would know who she is. She is in the current Ninja Turtles cartoon, but nobody watches that.

Date: Thu, 6 Oct 2005
From: Tyler Waldman
Subject: Skylar Deleon

The guy wasn't a Power Ranger. He was an uncredited extra in two episodes.

No, I think you are wrong. I'm pretty sure he was the orange one.

Date: Sat, 22 Oct 2005
From: Connelly Billy
Subject: Re[8]: Hi!

It's too early to start living in memories!

Go on, give it a try. You'll sure enjoy it!
SPUR-M: http://www.geocities.com/uyvjj6ytahwgkq/

Discreet, unmarked packaging.

The link doesn't work, but considering the claim of discreet, unmarked packaging I'm guessing this is really some sort advertisement for an amateur Viagra substitute.

Date: Sun, 16 Oct 2005
From: Meier Chris
Subject: Re[6]: Hello!

SPUR-M - your gennie in a pill.

Go on, give it a try. You'll sure enjoy it!
SPUR-M: http://www.geocities.com/tf8k9c9yu9wvu/

Discreet, unmarked packaging.

A genie in a pill? Sign me up right away. Forget the discreet packaging I want everybody to know about my genie.

Date: Tue, 10 May 2005
From: Neateye
Subject: Gouranga

Call out Gouranga be happy!!!
Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga ....
That which brings the highest happiness!!

What the fuck people. Really now this is just too much.

Date: Sat, 23 Jul 2005
From: Hwhite374
Subject: Dumb Baby

remember PBS's commercial for Solvent?

No I do not, but I am guessing you found it entertaining since you took the time to ask me if I remembered it.

Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2005
From: Scott Baxter
Subject: Dumb Baby

Just thought I'd let you know. I just stumbled upon your site about nintendo t-shirts... The "code", ya, that's Konami... Not Capcom - that code didn't werk in megaman games. It werked in Contra... Jeepers Although I'm sure you've heard this before, I thought I'd voice my opinion incase you didn't actually know as of yet.
-Scott

Yeah that was just a mistake on my part. Getting these articles in on time and under budget can be hectic, and sometimes simple mistakes aren't caught. Billy fixed that mistake so that I wouldn't be bombarded with emails pointing out this problem. I wasn't being bombarded before he fixed it, but it was a nice thing for him to do.

Date: Wed, 1 Jun 2005
From: Linda
Subject: RE: bronze collection Dir sir,

Good day!

See BianZhong (the eighth miracle of world), please email us for more infromaion, you'll find your favorites!

We're an bronze Chimebell (called BianZhong in chinese) company, we mainly cast kinds of bronze chimebell which was excavated from Warring States Periods of Ancient China .BianZhong, which is an ancient music instrument in China, has three thousand of history in China's culture.It is famous for its wonderful bell and has considered to be the eighth miracle of world.

Highly appreciated for your dedication on this email.

Price list and pictures are available upon request.

Best regards,

Miss Linda,
HUBEI ACCD INDUSTRIAL CO.,LTD.
Tel: 86-722-3977085

I want to know what kind of fucked up mailing list I'm on and how I got on it. Like I'm going to buy ancient Chinese instruments just because some person sent me an email about it. I may have fallen for that scam the first time, but I'm a lot wiser now.

Date: Fri, 25 Nov 2005
From: Tom Knapp
Subject: "he lives in the basement"

I'll agree that Joey Gladstone is a complete doushe but fuck you about saying "Meanwhile the scums of the earth live in the basement, like animals, really lame animals." complete ignorant bullshit... who the hell wants to live in a bright ass fuckin attic. hot as balls in the summer, cold and drafty as fuck in the winter, ya can't sleep passed sunrise because every direction of your room has a window that light comes in... it takes scum to be able to live in those conditions. the true cool people live in the basements... surrounded by dirt and concrete, stays dark as long as you leave the lights off, cool in the summer, warm in the winter, and incase of some freak natural disaster... I would MUCH rather be in a basement over an attic. Only a true moron would pick an attic over a basement. How do you sneak into or out of an attic if you need to, and I've never seen an attic with a pisser in it. you come home all drunk as fuck and wanna take a piss... but you have to crawl down some rickety ass ladder that folds from the floor first, and more than likely fall to your death after a dozen or so of those trips.

You obviously have never seen Uncle Jesse's awesome attic. He has that thing souped up like it is a Honda civic and he is a white suburban asshole. Not only does he have stairs, but I'm pretty sure there is an elevator. He insulated it, so that it is nice and warm in the winter, but installed central air to keep it cool in the summer. There is only one window, and its no where near any of the beds, plus there is a little thing called window shades that keep the sun out. There is no reason for Uncle Jesse to worry about sneaking out as he follows the rules of nobody but himself.

Many of these same principals hold true for The Fonz, who also lives in an attic and is awesome. Happy Days takes place in the 50s, so he doesn't have central air, but he lives in Wisconsin, so it never gets warmer then 60 degrees anyways. I can see some trouble in his living quarters concerning it being drafty, but a space heater fixes that problem.

As you can see cool people live in attics, and take care of any problems that come along. Losers and pedophiles take the easy way and live in basements where they can secretly pleasure themselves to child porn without the authorities knowing.

Date: Tue, 08 Nov 2005
From: paninoguy
Subject: [No Subject]

Johnny,

Pssst...Otter Pops ARE back, baby. Get those taste buds salivating, because Sir Isaac Lime, Little Orphan Orange, Strawberry Short Kook, Louie-Bloo Raspberry, Poncho Punch & Alexander The Grape are waiting for you. Sadly, the lemon guy is gone, but you can't have everything, can you?

I'm a 20-something who works at an insurance office and in between doing data entry and file management peruses your site and its many amusing articles. It began with "Boycott the Caf" since my younger brother and I regularly tune into the show and your site is dead-on HILARIOUS. From there I started looking at other articles on your site and I have become somewhat hooked.

Anyways, more to the point, I was reading your article concerning whether Family Guy should be brought back (posted shortly before its return last May), and you went on an Otter Pop digression. Your mistake here is thinking Otter Pops are off the market. At one point, the pops were apparently discontinued, but a few years back, the company that manufacturers them - Jel Sert - brought them back and they are every bit as good as they once were. I send you the following links as evidence. You may reward me as you see fit.

Now stop wasting time and start buying Otter Pops -- because you know they are frickin' sweet.

http://www.jelsert.com/products_otter.asp

http://www.otterpopstars.com/

http://www.candydirect.com/change/Otter-Pops-Original.html

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index%3Dblended%26field-
keywords%3Dotter%20pops%26results-process%3Ddefault%26dispatch%3Dsearch/ref%3D
pd%5Fsl%5Faw%5Ftops-1%5Fblended%5F10789694%5F2/104-6564174-2352713

http://www.mybrandsinc.com/ShopOnline/Catalog.asp?t=6&s=O&ss=OTTE&p=644

http://www.tcp.com/~rosminah/otterpop.html

There's more places you can go to re-discover the Pops and purchase them.

Just because they're harder to find, doesn't mean they're gone.

Relive your childhood, and best of luck to you.

~ The Exalted One (TEO)

Date: Tue, 08 Nov 2005
From: paninoguy
Subject: OTTER POPS HAVE RETURNED!!! (And your site rocks.)

Johnny,

Now stop wasting time and start buying Otter Pops -- because you know they are frickin' sweet.

http://www.jelsert.com/products_otter.asp

http://www.otterpopstars.com/

http://www.candydirect.com/change/Otter-Pops-Original.html

http://www.mybrandsinc.com/ShopOnline/Catalog.asp?t=6&s=O&ss=OTTE&p=644

http://www.tcp.com/~rosminah/otterpop.html

There's more places you can go to re-discover the Pops and purchase them.

Just because they're harder to find, doesn't mean they're gone.

Relive your childhood, and best of luck to you.

~ The Exalted One (TEO)

At first I was confused to why this guy sent me two emails that were basically the same, especially since I had responded to the first one. Well turns out the answer was in my inbox the entire time…

Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2005
From: Mail Delivery System
Subject: Mail delivery failed: returning message to sender

This message was created automatically by mail delivery software.

A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its recipients. This is a permanent error. The following address(es) failed:

Thanks for the heads up on the Otter Pops my good man. I will make sure to put those on my Christmas gift list. I can just imagine it, gathering around the tree Christmas morning, enjoying Otter Pops with those I love and my Grandmother. It will be beautiful

As your reward this email does not have a crippling computer virus attached to it.

Keep on watching Degrassi, and tuning in to Boycott the Caff/Dumb Baby for all your internet humor needs

Well how about that. Turns out the email I sent didn't actually go anywhere. I don't know why I never noticed this but I didn't. Sorry about that buddy.

Date: Tue, 20 Dec 2005
From: NESBoy216
Subject: Your Nermal Article

I've read _your article about Nermal from Garfield_ (http://dumbbaby.net/a/090.shtml) . Reading it made me recall _this Garfield strip_ (http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_archives_strip.html?1985-ga850202) . It's about Nermal saying he's going to pose for a cat calendar. I shall not say anything more about it. Just go and read the strip. It's relevant in a big way.
- NES Boy

That strip does put a new face on the Nermal situation, literally. You see because he makes himself look different, in the facial region. I don't see how Nermal is so successful if that is how he poses in the calendars, because I think he looks a little freaky.

Date: Sat, 31 Dec 2005
From: Neil Olson
Subject: Megaman

Holy crap. I was looking online for a Megaman story, and where Megaman X came into play, and your article didn't do shit. Not only that, but you had the origional Megamans way off too.

First off, I would hardly say that Megaman and Roll resemble 10 year olds. I woudl say they are at least Teenagers. Second, you know why he did that you dumbshit? Because they were supposed to be like his son and daughter, not to molets them. Stop trying to make your article sound funny cause you just make yourself look like an asshole.

Megamans ability to gain other robots powers has nothing to do with as you say 'him being a cleaning robot" Megaman never was a cleaning robot, only roll was. Idiot.

You've never beaten the first Megaman because you are a pussy.

Its also a shame that you compare Megaman and Rocky, as the two have nothing in common. Megaman 2 and Rocky 2, Apollo and Wily have nothing in common either. As much as Apollo is an "enemy" in the second one, hes not really a bad guy either. God you're dumb, but I must continue...

Also, Protoman isn't a good guy like you kinda say. Think of him like Darth Vader. Hes actualyl evil, but there is a little good in him.

If Megaman was going to be from a "country" it woudl be japan, not America.

The one for Super nintendo... you know, like one of the Main megman games? hmmm... you faggot.

And by the way, Megaman X is fuckin sweet.

You put shame to all Megaman games. Go beat Number 1 and then respond, but seen as how you can't, I won't be hearing from you.

Wow you are very angry. Just a tip off, Dumb Baby isn't really a serious website, we do a lot of kidding around.

"First off, I would hardly say that Megaman and Roll resemble 10 year olds. I woudl saythey are at least Teenagers."

I think I read somewhere that they were supposed to be ten. I checked Wikipedia, but that didn't reveal their ages. Then I thought maybe it was Seanbaby who said Mega Man was ten, so I went to seanbaby.com and didn't find anything there about his age. Then I remembered that the web comic Bob and George has a strip where the punch line has to do with Roll being underage. I would give a link to the specific comic but I'm lazy. I think my point is that read someplace on the internet that they were around ten and just sort of went with it. If you ever find info on how old they are let me know.

"Second, you know why he did that you dumbshit? Because they were suppose to be like his son and daughter, not to molets them. Stop trying to make your article sound funny cause you just make yourself look like an asshole."

I realize that my attempts to be funny mostly make me look like an asshole, but I write for a humor site so I have to try. Also making them like his children never occurred to me before. I suppose that makes a lot of sense.

"Megamans ability to gain other robots powers has nothing to do with as you say 'him being a cleaning robot" Megaman never was a cleaning robot, only roll was. Idiot."

No I'm pretty sure he was designed for cleaning. At the least he worked in the lab.

"You've never beaten the first Megaman because you are a pussy."

Come on I beat the rest of the Nintendo ones except for three which I'm working on. I did beat JAWS! and that game is really hard. There's like three people in the world who have ever beaten it.

"Also, Protoman isn't a good guy like you kinda say. Think of him like Darth Vader. Hes actualyl evil, but there is a little good in him."

I disagree. What has he done that's evil? In three he helped out Mega Man, and in four he saved Dr. Cosack's girl, that doesn't sound like something Vader would do.

"If Megaman was going to be from a "country" it woudl be japan, not America."

Yeah that makes sense

"The one for Super nintendo... you know, like one of the Main megman games? hmmm... you faggot."

The article was about the Nintendo ones faggot. Besides I haven't played the Super Nintendo one

"And by the way, Megaman X is fuckin sweet."

The game is sweet but the character sucks dick, literally. He is a homosexual

FYI Mega Man X is about 100 years after the Mega Man series. X was an experimental robot that Dr. Light designed. Zero is one made by Wily based off of the same designs, which were stolen by Bass. Somehow the world was destroyed, but X Zero and Proto Man survive. Then X fights evil, but doesn't like it very much.

Have fun with you Mega Man playing, if you try hard you can become a Mega Gamer.

This is Johnny signing out.