The Muslims STRIKE BACK

Unless you've been living in a cave someplace in Afghanistan then you should be aware of the fact that recently Muslims in the Middle East have been going batshit insane. This is all due to an offensive cartoon published in a Danish newspaper a while ago, and that's it, no other reasons, it certainly has nothing to do with years of economic and political repression perpetrated by colonial powers that Middle Eastern states have come to associate with all Western nations. It's all about the cartoon.

What cartoon could possibly lead Muslims to violence, let's take a look:

No wait a sec that was the cartoon that led me to violence. That was an incident that I am not proud of and I apologize to the good folks at Radio Shack.

Here's the cartoon I was looking for:

You see for some reason a drawing of their most important prophet with a hat made out of a bomb really pissed of the Muslims. It probably has something to do with the fact that their most important prophets is being depicted as a suicide bomber who decided to wear a hat made out of a bomb. It may also have something to do with the fact that drawing Mohamed is one of the worst offensives in Islam, but probably not.

OMG U cAnT draw PctURs f him BUt Its O K 2 bLO ppl up M I RITE

You make a good point anonymous internet person. It is indeed ironic that while Islam is very strict is some senses, such as not being able to depict Mohammed in drawings, and having to dress conservatively they are very liberal in other areas such as the exploding of bus stops with hat bombs. Sure its not specifically said anywhere in the Koran that they should be conducting suicide attacks, in fact it sort of says not to committee suicide, but it is implied in that one part, between the section about respecting other religions and the that one about how they should only fight as a last resort.

Notice how the Muslims aren't rioting over this cartoon even though the Danish papers ran it alongside the other one. That's because unlike most political cartoons it is actually funny. Better stop the martyring guys, virgins are all gone. Lay off for a few years so that some of the younger ones can grow up. I'd let you have them now but only Catholic Priests are allowed to have sex with kids.

Ha ha see what I did there, I got in a zinger about how ever single case of molestation in the history of mankind has been done by Catholic Priests. Take that Pope Benedict you Emperor Palpatine looking bastard.

Forget not picking the guy because he was in Hitler's Youth, they shouldn't have picked him because he orchestrated the extermination of the Jedi

Muslims don't take insults to their core beliefs lying down, so they have been rioting like its 1999. Not to be outdone by their Arab cousins Dutch Muslims decided they would protest, not by burning embassies, but instead by making their own offensive cartoons. Let's take a closer look at them.

This one is suppose to be about female circumcision. To be perfectly honest I don't get it. I suppose the lady had her lady parts taken off, so that she can't feel pleasure and the doctor decided the best cure would be a good bang from a large Black man. This one is really just praising Blacks and their gigantic wound healing penises.

It's kind of hard to tell, but those skeletons are supposed to be Indians. It's too bad none of the Muslims in Denmark know somebody who can draw it certainly would have been helpful to their cartooning. This one implies that not as many Jews were killed in the Holocaust as they say. I don't know why everybody seems to think the Jews are lying about how many were killed, it's not like they have a lot to gain from it. Sure neo Nazis and preteen girl folk bands sometimes argue that the Holocaust led to Jewish sympathy, which resulted in Israel, but guess what? BAM Balfour Declaration fuckers. 1917, the Zionists already got Britain to promise them part of Palestine. Jews were heading over there and stealing land from Palestinians even before World War II. So really the Holocaust was just a shit fest with no real positive aspects except that it led to the show Hogan's Heroes, and even the most hard hearted bigot has got to love that show.

Hey Europe see what happens when you let Gays marry, it leads to large Chinese woman marrying donkeys. That is certainly plausible. Of course some would argue that whenever a marriage takes place there is at least one jackass.

I think that it should be George Lucas on the phone with Steven Spielberg. Not only have Spielberg and Lucas worked together on the Indiana Jones movies, but also Lucas is way more creative then Peter Jackson. Lord of the Rings is based off of a book, and really how hard is it to make a movie based off of a book? You just read the book and then have the actors do what happened in the book. Any shmoe could do it. Then his next big movie was King Kong, WHICH WAS BASED OFF OF A MOVIE! Come on man, it's already a movie; I can go rent the original from that one gas station that rents old movies for a dollar. Why am I going to pay big bucks to go see it in theaters? Well I guess it does have Jack Black, but still, he's funny but not seven dollars funny. A look at some of Peter Jackson's upcoming work reveals that he is producing The Lovely Bones, a movie based off of a book, and also Halo, a movie based off of a game. I ask you America, is that really creative?

I can only guess that the cartoonist is a fan of Jackson's early works, because it does appear that he used to be creative. For example the movie Jack Brown Genius is about a crazy monk who tried to fly by putting on a pair of wings, fell from a tower and died. Then his ghost comes back a thousand years later, possess a man and tries again to find a way to fly. There is also the movie Bad Taste, in which aliens kill everybody in a town so that they can serve them at an intergalactic fast food restaurant. If his movies are any indication then Jackson must have been a drug addict until sometime around 1995.

George Lucas on the other hand is the epitome of creativity. Don't believe me; I got two words for you, Willow. That movie features hundreds, possibly thousands of midgets, and dragons, and a goat that is really an old woman. Can you believe it? I don't and I've seen the movie.

Also Lucas did Star Wars, but with that he mostly just stole ideas from old cowboy movies.

Danish Newspaper: Mohammed was a terrorist

Danish Jews: Yeah well Hitler fucked Anne Frank

Danish Newspaper: What?!?

Yeah this one really doesn't make any sense. I'm not sure who it's even supposed to offend. I think Hitler fans are going to be the ones who are the most upset, since it implies that Hitler liked to sex up Jews, going against one of his core beliefs, don't sex up the Jews. Anne Frank doesn't even look all that satisfied so not only is Hitler going after young Jewish girls, but he can't even satisfy them. No wonder he invaded Poland. He was just pissed that he can't pleasure the ladies very well. This one is by far my favorite since it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and features Hitler. If you want to make something look evil and offensive you have to involve Hitler some way. That's the law.

So what have we learned from all this?

• Muslims in the Middle East read newspaper from Denmark.
• Mohammed wore a hat made out of a bomb.
• The Family Circus sucks.
• The Pope stripped the Intergalactic Senate of their power .
• Muslims in Denmark don't know how to draw.
• In 2015 it will be legal for Chinese woman to marry pack animals.
• And most important of all, Adolf Hitler fucked Anne Frank.