A Review The Rudolph: The Red Nose Reindeer TV Special
Anyways, Donner fears that Rudolph will be an outcast if his shame is known by the rest of the community.
So he socks him in the face. No, not really, he actually covers Rudolph's nose with mud. This works surprisingly well.
There is a brief scene with Donner teaching Rudolph the ways of the North. What is important is that we get our first glimpse at the Abominable Snow Monster.
He does his best Bigfoot impression as he walks by. He also appears to be about 300 feet tall. While he is very large, in later scenes he seems to have shrunk. Sam tells us that the monster hates anything that has to do with winter. I guess he must be Jewish.
The scene cuts to Santa's workshop where the elves are making toys that nobody has played with in the last 70 years. We are introduced to Hermie, an elf who is not good at making toys. The boss yells at him for awhile, and Hermie reveals that instead of making toys for no pay he wants to be a dentist. Well the boss doesn't approve of this at all. He and the rest of the elves leave to take a smoke break but he makes Hermie stay back to catch up on work. Fucking hardass.
Meanwhile Donner is punching Rudolph in the face. No, I'm just kidding, he's really applying Rudolph's fake nose. Rudolph objects to the nose because it impairs his ability to breath. Donner tells him that fitting in is more important then breathing and that he better not remove the nose.
Yes CBS I am perfectly aware of what I am watching.
Hey looks like they made a movie about The Pope. It also looks like Sam is giving the Satan horns.
April comes along and its time for the fawns to come out with their parents to meet the other deer. Rudolph befriends one named Fireball. I don't like Fireball. What's the deal with the blonde hair? Last time I checked deer don't have hair. Well they do but its brown and fur, not blonde.
Elsewhere the elves are putting on a dance for Santa, because you know they're stuck at the North Pole and they have to kill time somehow.
Santa makes it perfectly obvious that he wishes he was anywhere else in the world. The song and dance finally ends. He tells them that they need work and takes off, probably to make himself a stiff drink. The boss is pissed and demands to know what is up with the poor performance. Some elf says that Hermie didn't show up, and says that's the problem.
Turns out that Hermie was working on a new kind of doll with teeth. The boss finds this out and goes ballistic. "We have dolls that talk, walk, blink, and run a temperature, we don't need any chewing dolls!" the boss yells. Well jokes on him, toy manufactures would eventually design dolls that not only chew but also shit. Santa could have been way ahead of the grade if they would have let Hermie concentrate of toy design instead of dancing.
Sick of the man stifling his creativity, Hermies jumps out the window and goes off to become a dentist.
While Hermie is making tracks, the deer are learning how to fly from Coach Comet. That's right world famous reindeer Comet has to pull double duty and teach as well as pull Santa's sleigh, while Donner doesn't seem to do much at all. I guess up North those who know teach, and those who can't teach have kids so that the teacher has somebody to teach.
Some honies are watching the practice. The one in the bow and Rudolph make eyes at each other. Comet tells the deer that they are going to play a game called Take Off, which is designed to train them to take off I think. Dasher's kid goes first, and fails miserably. Everybody laughs at him.
Fireball tells Rudolph that they have some time until he has to go, so Rudolph goes over to talk to Clarisse. There is some obvious chemical attraction, between the two. Clarisse asks Rudolph what is wrong with his nose, because he talks funny. Rudolph is defensive about this, but she tells him that she doesn't mind his funny voice. Clarisse then asks Rudolph to walk her home, and Rudolph agrees. Comet tells Rudolph that its his turn but before he goes she tells him that she thinks he is cute.
Rudolph is pumped that she likes him, and flies through the air, impressing everybody.
Even Santa has shown up to be impressed by Rudolph's flying ability.
Ah shit, the false nose comes off and it all goes to hell. Fireball is freaked out. The rest of the fawns quickly come up with humiliating nicknames such as Firenose, Ballpark, and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Its nice to see that the even at the North Pole the tradition of children making fun of their peer's deformities lives on, even if they don't make a lot of sense. How does Ballpark apply to this situation at all? And Firenose is dangerously close to Fireball's name and he may take offense to that, although the other deer probably don't like him. When Rudolph isn't around I bet they make fun of him.
Santa proceeds to berate Donner for his son's shameful nose. He even tells Donner that he should be ashamed of himself. How's that for Santa's reputation as somebody who isn't a complete asshole? Aside from having sex with your cousin and not living next to power plants, there's not a lot you can do to make sure your kid isn't deformed. "Shame to he had a nice takeoff" Santa says as he leaves. Santa is more then willing to let his bigotry get in the way of his team's performance.
Comet tells Rudolph that he is no longer allowed to participate in the reindeer games, an event that will be later recorded in the now famous song. Rudolph leaves, sad and alone ready to go back to his room to listen to Linkin Park and cut himself. Lucky for him Clarisse doesn't care that Rudolph has a glowing red nose. This could be a lesson that looks don't matter as much as personality, but she's only known him for ten minutes. Maybe she just has a thing for people with funky noses, even when he had the fake nose it was a little funky looking. Clarisse then sings a song. It's slow and not really relevant to the situation. Then Clarisse's dad comes by and tells her to stop hanging out with the freak.
Rudolph sits in snow bank that just happens to be where Hermie is hanging out. Hermie tells Rudolph that he is independent, and Rudolph likes this idea. Hermie suggests they be independent together. "You wouldn't mind my red nose?" Rudolph asks. "Not if you don't mind my being a dentist," Hermie replies.
At this point I think it is important to talk about symbolism. Rudolph is an allegory for racism, or possibly something having to do with the handicapped. Hermie on the other hand I think is supposed to be gay. He talks about being a dentist like its some sort of lifestyle choice, not an occupation. He's all "I was born a dentist, and I can't change myself" and look at him. He's the sissiest looking elf I've ever seen.
Hermie, and Rudolph proceed to sing the greatest song ever in the history of Christmas specials. It's called "We're a Couple of Misfits" and rocks the fucking house down. Some versions of the special have a song called "Frame and Fortune", and frankly this song if a pile of shit. It sucks and isn't appropriate for the special. What to they care about fame and fortune? If they were concerned about fame and fortune, maybe they would open a business or have some sort of scheme beyond wondering around the North Pole. When you are a couple of misfits then you wander around the North Pole.
Look at how Hermie dances like a girl. If he isn't queer then he has some explaining to do.