A Look at the Rules of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is a group of teen girls who share a pair of pants. Now I know what you're thinking, "huge pair of pants". Unfortunately, it's not that interesting. Instead, what they do is take one pair of pants and take turns wearing it over the course of the summer. The pants are a symbol of bonding between them. It shows that even though all the girls are in separate places during the summer they still can share pants.

The sisterhood is more then just shared clothing though. They have a set of bylaws. I happened upon these laws during one of my daily searches of "girl+pants+travel." I must say these laws are pretty stupid. I have decided to put my law degree to good use and help these poor girls out by critiquing their laws and suggesting possible changes.

We, the Sisterhood, hereby instate the following rules to the use of the Traveling Pants:

1. You must never wash the Pants.

You ask me this is kind of gross. Sure you can wear jeans a few days without washing, but we're talking about four different people here, and not washing for months at a time. Plus its summer, so at the least, the pants are going to get fairly sweaty and probably have some ice cream spillage. At worst, I can see a potluck dinner where the shrimp was out for to long, and a car ride home where the traveling sister is in dire trouble and there isn't a bathroom in site. Hopefully she can endure, but if not the next sister is going to be wearing a pair of pants with a smelly and embarrassing stain.

2. You must never double-cuff the Pants. It's tacky. There will never be a time when this will not be tacky.

I can't figure out what double-cuff means. I think it has something to do with men's shirts. Anyways, I don't see why certain sisters should be impeding on other sister's fashion choices. They want to double-cuff, then more power to them.

3. You must never say the word 'phat' while wearing the Pants. You must also never think to yourself, 'I am fat' while wearing the Pants.

This is the rule the keeps black people out of the sisterhood. You know because black people say "phat" a lot. At least Astronaut Jones does.

This rule is good for the self esteem of the pants wearer. Of course, they can still think they are bloated or huge while wearing the pants, since technically those words are different then fat.

4. You must never let a boy take off the Pants (although you may take them off yourself in his presence).

I would amend this rule to say that you must take the pants off before getting hot and heavy with a boy, since we aren't washing them, and I don't want to wear something that's been soaking in your lady juices.

I'm not even sure what the point of this rule is. Does it really matter who takes off the pants? If anything not letting him take off the pants will break the mood. He's already taken off you shirt, bra, panties, shoes, socks, sombrero, necklace, earrings, and medical bracelet. Now you're going to stop him so that you can take the pants off yourself? Just let him do it.

You never know, it could be that the rules of his pants club state that he can't take off his pants unless he removes the pants from somebody else first. So you still aren't going to get any unless you're having sex with Dennis Leary's character on Rescue Me, who manages to have sex without removing his pants.

5. You must not pick your nose while wearing the Pants. You may, however, scratch casually at your nostril while really kind of picking.

This rule probably exists because of that entire "not washing the pants" thing. This ensures that the pants don't have any boogers on them. The rule would work better if it just said "Don't rub your hands on the pants" because people do that when they don't have any napkins. Snot is gross, but old ketchup isn't a treat either, and God help them if one of the sisters wears the pants on a fishing trip.

6. Upon our reunion, you must follow the proper procedures for documenting your time in the Pants:
On the left leg of the Pants, write the most exciting place you have been while wearing the Pants.
On the right leg of the Pants, write the most important thing that has happened to you while wearing the Pants. (For example, "I hooked up with my second cousin, Ivan, while wearing the Traveling Pants.")

This is why I'm not in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. The rest of them would have all kinds of exciting places to record and incest to write about and I would have nothing. Nothing exciting ever happens to me over the summer. My family is to poor to go on trips and there's not a lot happening in my hometown. I'm also very lazy. I usually spend the majority of my summer at work or playing video games. Sure I spend time with friends, but getting drunk and playing Mario Baseball isn't exactly something that's worthy to be written on a pair of pants. Tibby would write that she went to New York City and had sex with her cousin, and Lena would write that she went to a Pony Ranch and had sex with her cousin. Then my turn would come along and I'd be like "Well I went to Green Bay one time to do some shopping, and I learned where hotdogs come from, which I guess that was kind of cool".

7. You must write to your Sisters throughout the summer, no matter how much fun you are having without them.

This shouldn't even be a rule. In this world of email and instant messenger keeping in touch with people is hardly a problem. This rule must have been written before the internet was used by normal people. I would just take it out now.

8. You must pass the Pants along to your Sisters according to the specifications set down by the Sisterhood. Failure to comply will result in a severe spanking upon our reunion.

This rule is H-O-T. In fact, I think they should spank each other on their reunion no matter what. It would be followed by a pillow fight and then they all would wash each others cars.

9. You must not wear the Pants with a tucked-in shirt and belt. See rule #2.

It may not be fashionable, but you know what, it does look nice. Sometimes people need to dress up. The family reunion where you are going to hook up with your cousin might be smart casual, and that means tucking in the shirt. You can't hook up with family members if you look like a slob.

10. Remember: Pants=love. Love your pals. Love yourself.

This isn't really a rule, but it puts the list up to ten so I can ignore that. Hopefully when you're loving yourself you remove the pants, because you know, you can't wash them, and lady juices are still an issue.

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