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The Web BtC

Today We Look at Three Pop Music Videos

Yes, I know Beavis and Butthead could do this better. I hear all the time that Maddox is a lot funnier than us as we're just ripping him off. I'm glad this doesn't stop you from reading.

Madonna - "Sorry"

"Sorry" is a recent Madonna video where we see that she hasn't become a skeleton yet. She sings about how much she hates men while partying in a van. Now, I always enjoy the concept of throwing a party in a moving van. That sounds like a rocking time. In fact, we at Dumb Baby have often discussed getting some friends together a party in a semi truck, but our dream is stalled because we don't know how you go about renting a semi and we probably couldn't afford it anyway. Go ahead and click on some ads so we can make the dream happen one day. A dream differed is a dream denied, motherfucker. Plus Jackass already did that bit.

However, I cannot endorse partying with Madonna. She is kind of old and I don't know how long her skin is going to stay on. Also, going by this video, Madonna's idea of a hot van party is to repeatedly grab a random man off the street, sing about how much he sucks, and then rub her butt in his face. That's disgusting. Who knows what kind of diseases are covering that can? She probably has a dozen VDs literally in orbit of that area. You could get herpes merely by breathing air within a three foot radius of her toxic waste rump. And by the way, how hard did the director had to fight Madonna just to get her to wear underpants? Being near Madonna's ass isn't good for anybody. Look at the screen cap. That black guy is an extra who was paid to have Madonna stick her ass in his face and he still can't tolerate it. The things people will do for money.

Jennifer Lopez - "If You Had My Love"

This was Lopez's first video from her album made several years ago. She may have released more albums after that, I'm not really sure and I don't want to look it up. I think I remember one video she had with Ja Rule and then there was one called "Jenny From the Block" which also may have had Ja Rule in it. But I remember this video because VH-1 played it all day every day back when they ran out of musicians to make Behind the Music episodes from.

In this video, we have the J Lo putting on a little show over the internet. A whole bunch of people around the world log on to watch her dance, hang out in the shower, and crawl over tables. It is a very popular web site. Of course, this just makes Jennifer Lopez a giantanic cam whore. Sony Records must pay her through Paypal or Amazon gift certificates.

Mariah Carey - "Honey"

In this video from, like, 1995 or something, Mariah Carey is kidnapped by Eddie Griffin and a very woppy wop daygo. It looks like Mariah is going to spend the rest of her life as a sex slave for Eddie Griffin, where she'll have to endure endless screenings of Undercover Brother and My Baby's Daddy because Eddie Griffin can only climax while he watching his shitty movies. But luckily, she is able to jump out a balcony and into a pool where nearby, coincidently, is a wet suit that just happens to fit her so she can escape on a jet ski. She is then saved by the Negro Navy. And there is much dancing.

I don't have anymore to say about the video. What interested me was looking up this song on Wikipedia, because here is what da 'pedia has to say about "Honey":

The song's protagonist uses sexual innuendos, as seen in the opening line: "Honey, you can have me when you want me". More double meanings follow with "And it's just like honey when your love comes over me", and "Honey I can't describe / How good it feels inside".

Holy molooky. That whole song is about semen and how much Mariah Carey likes it when a guy shoots it into her face and hair. Mariah Carey sounds like my kind of girl. What makes me giggle even more was looking at the video for the remix when one of the rappers raps about how "All the money in the world couldn't even amount / to a teaspoon of honey when it melts in you mouth." Ha. Dude said he likes to gargle semen. Take that rapper whose name I do not know.