The Web BtC

Haiku Reviews of Movies

The Village

The movie was alright
Until the first twist came along
Also the end was lame

Escape From New York

Here comes Snake Plisken
He is going to save the prez
No movie is better

The Fox and the Hound

Do you think its bad
That I orgasm every time
That I watch this film?

Bringing Down the House

I would rather be shot
In the balls with a spear gun
Then watch this again

Bringing Down the House Part 2

Whites act like this but
But black people act like this
Fuck you Steve Martin

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

Has a pretty cool name
To bad the rest really sucks, well
The pod race was neat


I have never seen this
But TV tells me that men cry during
The ending, bunch of pansies

The Never Ending Story

The story will never end
It just gets worse with each sequel
Don't see the third one

The Wizard

Nintendo is cool
So a movie about it should be cool
Plus it has Fred Savage

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Watching the movies
Took longer then reading the books
Needed more midgets

Dawn of the Dead

When zombies invade
I want to live in a mall
But with more women

The Land Before Time

God has smiled upon us
This is truly proof of his love
We are the blessed

Miracle on 34th Street

Santa is a fake
Or maybe he is real, the
Answer may surprise

March of the Penguins

Here come the penguins
Marching along the boulevard
A delight for all

Freddy vs. Jason

Freddy and Jason fought
But there was no clear cut winner
What a rip off

Requiem for a Dream

Everyone is on drugs
Things are good, then they are bad
This movie makes me sad

Walking Tall

The Rock breaks the law
In order to catch criminals
That doesn't seem right


Crude black and white film
Full of sex jokes and swear words
Kevin Smith's greatest work


Hey, look at the clown
He is being raped by men
Lets never speak of this

Disney's Robin Hood

Robin Hood is a fox
And sounds like he is from the
South, that makes no sense

Jurassic Park

Cloning dinosaurs
Is not a very good idea
Cause they eat people


It's long and boring
And we know the ship will sink
At least there are boobs

Brokeback Mountain

Buttfucking cowboys
Roam the wild plains of Texas
Better cover your bum

What Women Want

Watching this movie
Is like having ice picks jammed into
Your eyes, but even worse

Chronicles of Narnia

Did you know the lion
Is suppose to be Jesus?
Jesus was a lion

Coming to America

Did you know that you
Make more money if you play all
The roles in the movie?