Movies That Are UnnecessaryBatman Begins
Do we really need a movie that tells the origins of Batman? Doesn't everybody already know the origins of Batman? I think the story of Bruce Wayne's parents getting shot has become so ingrained into society that people instinctually know it upon birth, not unlike how salmon know to head up river to spawn, or a sea turtle knows to lay its eggs on the beach. All this movie did was retell the story of how Batman came to be in a really confusing matter involving Tibetan ninjas and a gun that shoots water that makes people crazy or something. What was up with that anyways? Why are the Tibetan ninjas targeting only Gotham? If anything they should be upset at the entire nation for allowing Gotham's decadent ways to continue. Once they trash Gotham all the thugs and low lives aren't going to disappear, they'll probably just move to Jersey.
Wes Craven's A New Nightmare
Don't mess with this guy. He's wearing a trench coat.
Plus Wes Craven has Freddy wearing a trench coat. Damn it people, wearing a trench coat doesn't automatically make a person a bad ass.
Any Jaws Sequel
Jaws is a large shark who eats people and is eventually killed. How many times does this story need to be told? They don't even do anything to make it more interesting, like give Jaws the ability to talk, or turn into a tiger. The best they could do was have one take place in Sea World, which wasn't even all that exciting. Hell, they don't even bother explaining why Jaws keeps getting resurrected. It's like in the sequels they aren't even trying.
I will give Jaws 4 a pass however, since that's the one the sweet Nintendo game is based off of.
Johnson Family Vacation
I wish it was the 70s so that they could have named this National Blackpoon's Black Family Vacation, since this movie is just a black person version of National Lampoon's Vacation except somehow not as awesome as you would think a black person version of National Lampoon's Vacation would be. The break dancing scene is way to short.
Exit to Eden
Here's a great idea, a bunch of not all that attractive women go to an island where everybody has sex with people and then have sex with people. Throw in some sort of plot about smugglers and your set for a movie that sounds like it should be a porno, but is neither as erotic nor funny as a real porno. Throw in Rosie O'Donnell, and you can make sure that anybody who happens to catch this on Comedy Central at 3 in the morning will definitely want to kill themselves.
Movies about CGI dogs that fight crime and sound like Chevy Chase have been done to death. Let's get some creativity going people.
Hey its national Blackpoon's Black Family Vacation but starring a Greek guy who is only funny when he's telling incredibly vulgar jokes about Viagra.
Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties
Garfield doesn't like Mondays? Will the hilarity ever end?
The worse part is that the subtitle implies its going to be a take on A Tale of Two Cities. This movie has nothing to do with A Tale of Two Cities. Why are they teasing us with the possibility of guillotine decapitations when there are none?
Fuck you, Adam Sandler.
Good lord this one was a Ducktales.
Yeah yeah yeah, we all know the drill, the environment is good, technology is bad. Godzilla vs Mothra: Battle for Earth had the same moral and that movie had three giant monsters battling it out. All Hoot has is some owls and Jimmy Buffet. The thing is, the only people who like Jimmy Buffet are people who get drunk off of drinks you can buy from Red Lobster.