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A Tale of Teacher and Woe

[Originally published on June 28th, 2002]
Gather 'round children, and I shall tell you a tale full of fear
Of a teacher I had just last school year.
She was evil and ghastly and had risen from the dead
Her name I say now was Mrs. Evilhitlerdoodoopoophead
She was as red as the devil!
But a thousand times more evil!
She had claws and fangs as deadly as a shark
And a soul as empty and black as her heart

She would begin her day with something oh so cruel
She would hop into her truck and head off to school
The teacher beast would drive her truck in such a mode
To run over little children all over the road
The dead bodies would lie on the road as mush
She would drive back at noon and eat them for lunch!

But in class, my friend, she was oh so much worse
Teacher beast would be full of rage and to God she would curse
My friend, I tell you, teacher beast was just such a jerk
She hated us all and would give us far too much work
When a student was confused and had a question to ask
Teacher beast would grow hot with rage and consume him in a fiery blast!

Finally I had enough of that miserable tripe
I called out, "Teacher, it is time for a fight!"
The news ran fast through out the town and the school
We each drew are lightsabers and began to duel
The battle ran long into the night
As she used the power of the darkside, I of the light
She came at me with a right, I countered with a left
We fought each others actions and anticipated the next
At last the opportunity did arise
I swung my lightaber and chopped the beast to half size!

And with that I thought the battle was done
After hours of dueling I thought I had won
But nay, as I though teacher beast lived no longer
Her death had, in fact, only made her stronger
Suddenly, she erupted into a force to astound
She was now a beast 7000 feet tall and weighed one million pounds!
Fight her alone; that road couldn't be taken
I ran to assemble an army of ninjas atop dragons!

The ninjas and I charged with great heart
But the teacher beast fought our army and tore us apart
I knew now that our battle tactic must take a new course
For we could not defeat the beast with just physical force
So I rallied the ninjas and dragons into one powerful union
And we engulfed teacher beast in a ray of lighting and fusion
Our action made teacher beast cry out in pain
She screamed, "I am vanquished, my evil has been in vain!"
Our mighty magic destroyed her into mere smoke and ash
The battle was difficult, but we had won at last!
I breathed a great sigh when victory was made

And we celebrated with Kool-Aid