China Explosion
Yesterday on the news I saw that there was an explosion in Manchuria, which is in northern China that had killed 30 people. At the time they didn't know what had caused it. Now I'm sure by the time this article is published it will have been revealed that the explosion was caused by something lame, like an industrial accident, or ghosts. Personally I am hoping that it will be revealed that it was really an attack on China by one of its neighbors, which will lead to all out total war in Asia.Now I can't say exactly why war in Asia appeals to me. Maybe its because its been a long time since there was a brutal Earth shattering, nation destroying war, and we need something to shake things up. Maybe its because I want there to be armed conflict someplace in the world that can't be blamed on America, or maybe it's because I want Mongolians to suffer as much as possible. The exact reason doesn't matter, what does matter is the possibilities for destruction.
Perhaps the explosion is the result of an attack by Russia. Manchuria is rich with natural resources, and unlike most of Russia is not part of a tundra. If Russia got control of Manchuria it would be a step in the “not sucking” direction for the country. Russia lost a lot of land after the collapse of the Soviet Union and if they ever want to be considered a super power, or even a mediocre power, again then they are going to have to start stealing useful pieces of land from other countries.
A war between China and Russia would be great. Russia would be sending its outdated Cold War era tanks and equipment into China. China would defend themselves by sending wave after wave of poorly equipped infantry men in hopes of clogging the tanks treads with corpses. Then after the tank assault was stopped Russia would then be forced to retreat as a million Chinese soldiers, approximately a fourth of China's total army charged them. China would easily defeat the invasion, and would try to invade Russia only to learn the hard way, its fucking impossible to invade Russia. They would have to transverse thousands of miles of snow and ice to even find anything worth attacking. By the time they got to a city most of the troops will have died from frostbite and polar bear attacks. Russia can easily defend themselves from invasion because nobody can survive in Russia except for the Russians.
How would nuclear weapons play into this? I doubt they would be used. I am sure both countries would consider using them, but circumstances would prevent them from being deployed. Russia would look to bomb major Chinese cities and industrial centers, but this plan would be foiled when nobody is able to find a plane in the country that is well made enough to not only make it to China, but also carry a missile. If they do find a plane that hasn't either fallen into disrepair or had all the important parts looted by starving citizens, then they would still have to find enough fuel to get it all the way to China. They might be able to get a couple of tanks from siphoning gas from cars parked in Moscow, but that will hardly be enough. Its not like the citizens of Russia can get their hands on gas any easier then the air force.
China would be ready to send a nuke, until they tried to pick a target. No matter how hard they try they are unable to find a target in Russia that they can actually justify using an expensive nuclear warhead on. The would consider Moscow, and other cities, but then they would think about how expensive nuclear weapons are, and how nuking any Russian city won't really do much since most of them already look like they were through an explosion. At this point the countries will fall into a stalemate. Russia will claim they no longer want Manchuria, and China will just build a wall along the border. The wall will both provide jobs, and make it easy to tell where China is from space.
While that's a fun possibility, I think there are even better ones that could come about. Now South Korea wouldn't attack China because South Korea is run by sane individuals. North Korea on the other hand has a leader who makes Charles Manson look like Bob Barker (Bob Barker being the person in the world whom I believe is the most stable)
Why would North Korea attack China other then suicidal longings? It could be in response to China's budding trade relationship with America, or maybe because China is putting pressure on North Korea to stop missile tests. The reason for the attack don't matter, what does matter is that China would completely and utterly fuck North Korea. One day North Korea would be there, and the next day China and South Korea would be neighbors. North Korea's starving soldiers would get beat faster then a 13 year old's wang when he gets his hand on his first Playboy.
Nobody would even care that China took over North Korea, because if anything having to fix up the area is going to hurt China in the short run. North Korea has a weak infrastructure, and by weak I mean none. Fixing the nation so that it can be used for anything but a garbage dump would take a lot of China's resources and money, giving American industry a chance to catch up. We might even be able to make money on the whole debacle if China looks to America for investors.
While that last possibility was fun, there is one that I think would be even better. It turns out that North Korea is behind the explosion for whatever crazy reason, so China gets ready to fuck up the aggressor, but then Russia comes in to save its former ally. Russia wants a piece of that sweet Manchurian action, so now its China vs. North Korea and Russia. Then to make the tag team match complete South Korea attacks North Korea. Then the next several years is made up of brutal all out battles, massive bombings and complete and total warfare. Then at one point there will be what is believed will be the final battle. The four armies are lined up across from each other like something out of a Tolkien book. Just as they are all about to charge simultaneously into battle out from the sky its mother fucking Japan with its robot armada.
I've been warning people for years that for a nation with no military Japan seems to know a lot about fighting and robots. Just look at anime. In every nations cartoons there are shreds of reality, and the reality here is that Japan has big ass robots that can fly. Out of the sky they come, gigantic killing machines, shining brilliance of science and mayhem. One arm is a flame thrower, burning alive the soldiers, another is a plasma sword cutting down opposition. Missiles coming out of every possible orifice shooting in every direction with surprising accuracy in a constant stream of destruction.
Now the wars going to be a four on one with everybody joining forces in an attempt to stop Japan's war machines. Of course this isn't going to happen. These robots are made out of titanium, and can fly into outer space to escape danger. The robots will travel across mainland Asia causing destruction and unspeakable horrors wherever they tread. Japan will make it obvious that they have no desire to conquer any of the lands the ravage. They only want to cause pain.
Many years from now, long after the Death Bot's power crystals have run out of plasma it will be revealed that it was in fact Japan who was behind the explosion. They had sent a lone ninja to make the explosion and start the war. China is communist, and as a result they don't have TVs. Because of this they never got to watch the episode of Hamtaro where a rouge ninja leaves ninja school and terrorizes the hamsters, or the episode of Kirby: Right Back at Ya in which a ninja leaves ninja school and terrorizes the weird looking things in that show. Come to think of it those two episodes are pretty similar, I wonder if that plot is used a lot in Japanese shows? Regardless China didn't get to see either of these shows so they didn't know that ninjas can fly around on kites, and had no defense against sneaky ninja kites. They also didn't know that ninjas can shoot lightening. It was a simple matter of flying a ninja on a kite into Manchuria and having him use lightening to blow up a power generator, which killed 30 people. Had China simply allowed its people to watch cartoons, all the blood shed could have been avoided.