Don't let annoying neighbors near your daughter. She may hate him at first, but he'll eventually wear her down, and they will become an item. Then you must endure having him over for Thanksgiving
Don't exersize. You never know when a deranged criminal will put a bomb in the treadmill.
Don't stir paint with your dad's favorite screwdriver. He may just kick you out of the house for doing that.
Don't disobey the law.
I am the law.
Don't agree to take care of your boss's pet fish while he goes on vacation. It may seem like a good opportunity to get in his favor, but you never know if something will go wrong.
You never know when a deranged criminal will drug your pilot, hijack your plane, and then jump out of it in an attempt to kill you, so go ahead and have one more helping of pancakes. It may be your last.
Work hard to succeed.
Don't arrest black people just because they are in a white neighborhood, unless you want my black foot up your white ass.
Aliens are not real.
Elevator operator is a good job for your wife. It pays well and she will meet many interesting people.
It's okay to ignore one of your daughters if she rarely has any affect on the story.
Don't pay for internet porn; just watch the previews and then move on to another site.
When storing porn sites in your favorites folder make sure to rename them something that is clearly not porn, but also something your wife won't click on.
Don't anger your wife right before bed. Sleeping on the couch is uncomfortable. Get her mad in the late afternoon so that she has a few hours to steam, and then the two of you can resolve the issue before its time to sleep.
Nobody ever said you can't have cold pizza for breakfast
Always wear underwear. You never know when you'll eat some bad clams and will need all the protection you can get. Pants are expensive.
Pitas are tasty and nutritious.
Your children are your true treasure.
There is no no in success.
All great men have had premature ejaculations.
If you want a realistic cop portrayed in a movie, then hire a cop to play that role.
The Devil may be evil, but that's no reason to avoid Devil Food Cake.
Always leave a tip. Waitresses don't get paid vary much, and depend on that extra money.
Stay away from my daughter dirt bags.
Be home before curfew Eddie.
It doesn't matter what political party you support. We can all agree Ann Coulter is a nut.
Buy American made.
Democracy may not be perfect, but it's the best damn system we got.
You can easily pour Apple Pucker into Sour Apple Gatorade and nobody will be the wiser.
The only things better then the steaks at Bonanza are the prices.
Turn that rap music down before I turn it down for you!
You can't wear underwear more then one day in a row. It doesn't matter if you turn them inside out or not.
There is no such thing as too many donuts.