The Web BtC

The Adventures of the Internet Mavericks

I saw the news the other day and, oh boy, it must have been a slow news day because they had a story about how people are making jokes about Mel Gibson because he drives around drunk and hates Jews. The story concentrated on how media outlets are making jokes at his expense. It mostly showed late night talk show hosts making jokes such as "Boy, Mel Gibson sure likes to drink and hate Jews" and "Mel Gibson drinks almost as much as Lindsey Lohan, and other celebrity reference." Part of the story also focused on how he was being made fun of online by what the news lady called "Internet Mavericks."

Holy shit, Internet Maverick is the best way to refer to somebody with a website ever. From now on, Billie and I are no longer to be referred as comedy writers, or humorists, or those fuckers who aren't even funny. From now on we are Internet Mavericks--a pair of lone rangers who fight against evil to make the internet a safer place. We do what ever is necessary to get the job done, and the only rules we follow are the ones we make. If you are in trouble, and on the Internet, then call for the Internet Mavericks. If you cause trouble, and are on the Internet, then keep an eye over you shoulder, because the Internet Mavericks can strike at any time.

I can only imagine the wild adventures we will have…

The Adventures of the Internet Mavericks

Episode 1 The Internet Mavericks and the Mysterious Code of the Family Guy Fan

The president of the Internet, Al Gore, has been kidnapped by a deranged cult of Linux users and will be executed in 24 hours. The only person who knows where he is being held is a hardcore Family Guy fan who speaks only in quotes from the show. It's up to Billie and Johnny to figure out the code, and save Al Gore.

FmlyGyFn132: For every sprinkle I find I shall kill you.

Johnny: This makes no sense, what is he trying to say?

Billie: Tell us, where is the president being held?

FmlyGyFn132: Tony Robbins hungry

Johnny: That joke isn't even funny without the visual gag.

Billie: We must keep trying. Eventually we will figure out what he is trying to say.

FmlyGyFn132: Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. OH YEAH.

Johnny: What is he trying to tell us?

Will they figure out the code? Will the president be saved? Will Family Guy be cancelled again? Find out in The Internet Mavericks and the Mysterious Code of the Family Guy Fan.

Episode 2 The Internet Mavericks and the Forum of the Damned

The Internet Mavericks find themselves in the forum of the damned, a cursed place where the worse denizens of the internet gather. Anybody who displays any sort of common sense is attacked by them. Most who find themselves here are quickly driven insane and join there ranks. The Internet Mavericks must escape before it is too late.

Billie: I think that's the last of the furries. How are you holding up?

Johnny: Just a few scratches and bruises. I say, it's a good thing they don't really have claws.

Billie: Yes, all they can do is pretend. How are you doing for ammo?

Johnny: I used the last of my shells on the man who kept trying to convince us that 9/11 was Bush's fault.

Billie: Here use my flamethrower. I still have the chainsaw.

Johnny: Thank you good buddy. On no here comes the person who openly admits he likes hentai.

Billie: FRY HIM!

Piccalo_Goku: Ha Ha, fire does not harm me. I have withstood many flames, only to become stronger each time. Now look in horror at this picture of a cartoon women being raped by a panda bear. I masturbate to this.

Johnny: Billie HELP!

Piccalo_Goku: Give up Internet Mavericks. You cannot withstand my attacks. Now gaze upon this drawing I made of Pickachu being raped by Inuyasha. Notice that Inuyasha has angel wings for NO APPARENT REASON!

Billie: Is there any way to defeat such a monster?

Is this the end of the Internet Mavericks? Will Billie and Johnny find a way to defeat the perverted monster Piccalo_Goku? Will they figure out why people draw angel wings onto anime characters? Find out in The Internet Mavericks and the Forum of the Damned.

Episode 3 The Internet Mavericks and the Search for a Working ROM

There is a legend of a site where a person can easily download a ROM. It is said that on this site there are no requests to vote, no ads for porn, you don't even have to register. All you have to do is download the ROM. The Internet Mavericks decide to journey to see if such a site exists. It will be a long difficult journey, but if the legend is true then a world of Nintendo games will be thrown open.

Billie: This place is called I have high hopes.

Johnny: It says we need to vote at these six sites before we can download the ROM, I suspect a trap.

Billie: Maybe, but we've traveled too far to not check it out.

Johnny: Curses! Voting only redirected us to a new ROM site.

Billie: Brace yourself, here comes the porn popups!

Johnny: Hold on Billie!

Billie: Is this even worth it?

Johnny: Damn it yes! I swear by the end of this day we will be playing Mega Man Soccer on my computer.

Will the Internet Mavericks find a ROM site with actual ROMs? Will they get to download Mega Man Soccer? Will they start looking at porn? Fine out in The Internet Mavericks, and the Search for a Working ROM.

Episode 4 The Internet Mavericks and the Curse of the Aging Teen Porn Star

There is a website called Hot Teen Baby, which draws in unsuspecting males who are innocently looking for something to get them aroused. What they find is not arousing at all. The "teen" on this site is at least 40 years old. She sucks their energy away and destroys their erections. Then to add insult to injury, their computers are flooded with pop up ads when they try to flee. It's up to the Internet Mavericks to stop her reign of terror and make it safe to look at porn again.

Johnny: Pig tails, school girl uniform, saggy boobs, this must be the place.

Billie: You're finished old woman, the jig is up.

Hot Teen Baby: No! The only thing that is up is you guys.

Billie: I'm afraid you are mistaken. Your wrinkly face and leathery skin has assured that neither one of us will be aroused for some time.

Johnny: Indeed.

Hot Teen Baby: Then its time for my next weapon POP UP ADS ATTACK!

Johnny: Where is she? All I can see are advertisements for dating services and online poker!

Will the old women escape? Will the Internet Mavericks stop the flow of pop up ads? Will either one ever be able to maintain an erection again? Find out in The Internet Mavericks and the Curse of the Aging Teen Porn Star.

Episode 5 The Internet Mavericks Use a Computer at the Library

Computers don't last forever, and all break down eventually. While their computer is at the shop, the Internet Mavericks attempt to use a public computer at the library. What they find is a terror they never even expected.

Billie: This should be easy, we've signed the sign in sheet, let's check our email.

Johnny: The keyboard appears to be sticky.

Billie: Ignore that, we need to read our email. Open the internet!

(25 Minutes Later)

Johnny: Wake up good buddy the page finally loaded. AH MY EYES!

Billie: We have to escape the library's neon green home page before we are blinded.

Johnny: It's too slow. We need another plan, turn down the brightness on the monitor.

Billie: That button is missing. Try the internet settings, maybe something there can help us

Johnny: Curses, only administrators can access the settings.

Billie: Just close your eyes and we'll struggle through.

Johnny: Okay, I've gotten us to our email provider. Curses, the library's web blocking technology has decided that email is too vulgar for the library. This has all been a bust.

Billie: Then let us take our leave of this place. Our time has nearly ran out anyways.

Johnny: My fingers are stuck to the keyboard.

Will the Internet Mavericks escape before their time slot is over? Will they ever check their email? Did you know that looking at porn in the library is a federal crime? Find out this and more in The Internet Mavericks Use a Computer at the Library.

Well that's all I have for now. This is just a small preview of the amazing adventures that the Internet Mavericks are going to be going on. If you want more, call your local television provider and tell them you want the Internet Mavericks to be on TV. Then when they ask what you are talking about, explain the concept and a little about the website. Then if they still don't understand what you are talking about, hang up and hope they don't have caller ID.