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Star Fox 2 Review

[Part 1 - Part 2]

The original Star Fox was released in 1993. It was the first game to use the new Super FX chip which allowed for three dimensional polygons. This made the game kind of ugly, but in 3D! The game also happened to be really sweet. Nintendo Power gave the game a perfect score (tying it with every other game released by Nintendo) and fans reacted positively since a game about a fox flying a spaceship is so crazy that it must be great.

There is an old Navajo saying: "All great video games get a sequel." And even though the Navajos didn't know what video games were, and were eventually wiped out by the Spanish, their wisdom remains true. A Super Nintendo sequel to Star Fox was planned. However, it was never released. Why? Many reasons: sunspots, terrorist threats, but mostly because the Nintendo 64 was going to be released soon and for whatever reason, Nintendo likes to fuck over fans when a new system comes out. Sure the game was finished but do they release it? No, they wanted to make us all buy a Nintendo 64, so they stopped making Super Nintendo games.

Well I say fuck you, Nintendo. I don't care that you didn't release this game. Thanks to the internet I can play and review this game and let the masses know exactly what they missed due to your assholery.

Star Fox 2

Here is Star Fox 2, the almost finished version that you were almost able to buy (or depending on how good security was, steal) in stores. See those people on the bottom, them be your pilots. A rag tag team of ruffians who have the fate of the entire universe resting on their shoulders. Let's take a closure look shall we?

Star Fox 2

Fox McCloud a.k.a. Star Fox a.k.a. El Seņor Zorro, leader of the Star Fox team, son of legendary pilot James McCloud, hero of the original war against Andross. He shoots first and never asks questions. At the beginning of this game he has been hired by General Peppy to defend Corneira from Andross's attack. He's cocky, brash, undisciplined, and the best damn pilot we got.

Star Fox 2

Falco Lombardi. He's cocky, smart mouthed to a fault, and one of the best pilots in the galaxy. When it comes to pure technical skill he's one of the few in the galaxy that can match Fox. Not much is known about his past. It's believed he may have been in a gang in the past, and that's about it. Regardless, Fox trusts him, and if Fox trusts him, then we can trust him.

Star Fox 2

Peppy Hare, valiant, debonair, a real ladies' man. When he isn't shooting down enemies in the sky, he's going down on women in the bedroom. He graduated top of his class at his flight academy. Joined the Star Fox team after being honorably discharged from the Corneira military following a strange incident involving another cadet, some whip cream, and a Ann Rann's Fountainhead. Like all Leporidae, he posses quick reflexes, excellent hearing, and a natural affinity for flying through space.

Star Fox 2

Slippy Toad, childhood friend of Fox and his closest confidant. He is the weakest pilot on the team, but makes up for this with his mechanical abilities. He not only handles repairs for Star Fox, but also creates new inventions for them. He has submitted over 300 patents, including the stick up light bulb, the cold heat soldering tool, and the FlingShot Flying Monkey. His inventions are what fund the team between missions.

Star Fox 2

Miyu and Fay are two new additions to the Star Fox team. They were added to the team after focus groups revealed that most people thought the entire Star Fox team were homosexuals. To counteract this sentiment, they went out and tried to find some women who would be willing to join them. Muyu is a lynx and is considered to be a bit of a tomboy. It is rumored that she and Falco are more then just teammates, but there's nothing to back this up (except for Slippy's large collection of security camera footage).

Star Fox 2

Fay Devereux Godenot, daughter of Sir Christian Alexandre Godenot, a Cornerian senator and aristocrat. She was always given the finest things in life, but this never quenched her thirst for adventure. Her parents humored her when she enrolled in flight school, expecting this to be enough for her, and were shocked when they found out she had joined Star Fox. Despite her affinity for pink she's no girly girl, but is a top notch pilot.

Star Fox 2

Unlike other Star Fox games this one is open ended. Instead of going from level to level, you choose were you want to go in a completely nonlinear fashion. The point is to take out Andross before Corneria takes more then 100% damage. Corneria continues to take damage while you're in the actual levels, so you can't just go straight to Andross. You have to start with the establishments closest to Conreria, and take them out before moving on, otherwise they'll just keep lobbing bombs at the planet until it explodes. There are three difficulty levels, which changes which planets you interact with, and where the battle ships are.

Star Fox 2

Before beginning, you choose who you control, and who is the support character is. The support character never really does anything, but I guess it's nice to not have to fly around the universe alone.

I chose Fox as the main character since he's always the main character. Me and him go way back. I never played the original Star Fox much, but I played the shit out of the Nintendo 64 version. It got to the point were I was beating it two, three times a day. Fox talked to me more then my parents. Then Assault came out, and I beat it, even though it was really shitty. Then I played Adventures which is also a shitty Star Fox, but mostly because instead of flying around in space you are fighting dinosaurs with a magic staff. If it was not a Star Fox game I would probably consider it to be less shitty, although is was still kind of shitty.

So in summery, I chose Fox because we have a history together. I chose Fay as support because I wanted some pootang coming around the universe with me. If she's not going to kill anybody I might as well be able to check out her phat ass. Plus check out the size of those ears! I'd like to wrap those mothafuckas around my face baby, yeah.

[Part 1 - Part 2]