Jason Mewes Presents Meerkat Manor
To stay healthy every Meerkat should work on personal hygiene which means they fucking suck themselves off. Fuck man I guess I work on my personal hygiene every fucking day nagga nootch.
All the Meerkats also like to all stand on their back legs to look in the sky for shit they don't like and the babies gotta learn this too.
Uh, and here is Mitch trying to do that. Fuck guys this is fucking boring. There's been like three things that have happened and the rest of the god damn time it's just been shit like watching these fuckers dig or stand up.
Now Mitch is sleepy. Fuck guys I better not have to watch these fuckers sleep now.
Good I was getting sick of that bastard Mitch. Here some shit is going down. What is it? Nobody knows.
Shit I guess they're attacking a camera.
Oh fuck it's a snake! I don't fucking like snakes man. They got fucking scales and can throw monkeys at boats like in this one movie I saw with Kevin. It was fucking scary with this huge ass snake eating everybody. I got so scarred I couldn't go to sleep that night and Kevin wouldn't let me in his bed so I went out and got high instead. Then I got lost at the zoo where there were even more snakes. Fuck it was like a catching 22 man. The only snake I like is my fucking trouser snake. I whip him out on the bus and shoot his venom all over a girl's face whether she want to or not.
Dude, trouser snake is what I call my cock. You already knew that? Well fuck you how am I supposed to know that you fucking genies mother fucker.
The Meerkats want the snake out of their hole so they got there tails up cause that's like flipping a guy off and they're spitting on him. They hope he's some pussy asswipe who will get scared and run off.
That snake ain't no pussy though so he fucking bites Shakespeare twice. This is bad shit for him. The snake is so powerful it could poison like everybody in the fucking world and kill them and shit.
Shakespeare runs away like a little pussy. That might be the toughest snake in the world but you never fucking run away. I didn't run away when a bunch of drug dealers kicked my ass for not paying them, and I didn't run away when a bunch of drug dealers kicked Kevin's ass cause I said he would pay them and he didn't, I didn't even run away when a bunch of drug dealers burned down Kevin's house because they were pissed I ratted them out to the cops so that I wouldn't have to pay them for drugs. Shakespeare is a pussy and I got me balls of steel man, fucking steel! I'm like fucking Iron Man I'm all beep boop whirl get out the way mother fucker Iron Man got his iron cock ready to fly!
The rest of the Meerkats don't even notice that pussy lips ran away.
The rest of the crew realizes that this is their time to ditch Shakespeare so that he can get eaten by a mountain lion or some shit. Shakespeare acts like the pussy he is and sits down to cry.
Meanwhile at the babysitters SHIT AIN'T HAPPENING!
Meanwhile again Shakespeare is by a bush being a queer and hiding from birds.
Then everybody gets home. They are happy Mitch is not killed and that there aren't any faggots waiting around to try to tea bag them. They go underground to go to sleep cause they all be tired and like they sleep underground.
Shakespeare gets home and then passes out on the door. Fuck I remember this one time I passed out naked in front of Kevin's bedroom door. He thought I was drunk which is good cause he'd get mad if he knew what really happened. I never told him what happened or why his toilet was broken or why his dog was gone.
Next week on Meerkat Mania some stranger shows up and fucks around with Mitch and his buddies.
Then the rest of the crew finds some fuckers they don't like and start a battle royal. Fuck yeah!
What will happen in Meerkat land? Tune in next week. Noogums out!
See like Noogums out would be the thing I say before the show ends. So what did you think, pretty fucking rad right? Fuck yes it was. So I got the job? Okay call me, here's the number of the pay phone by where I'm sleeping. I'll pick it up if something happens to it. Later.
Jason never received the phone call concerning the job, although by his own admission he was "fucking so high I heard ringing all the fucking time." Five months later, Jason wondered back into the Animal Planet studios. They assumed he wanted his audition tape and gave it to him. In reality Jason wanted cigarettes. He was slightly disappointed at the time but it all worked out as he was able to get some weed from a fan later that day.