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I Tell You #8

Christopher WalkenI own the rights to all fish.

My three Super Bowl rings attest to the fact that I can get things done. It also attests to the fact that John Elway and Bret Favre have very poor home security systems.

I can only see in shades of orange.

I invest all my money in night clubs. And by night clubs, I mean strip clubs. And by invest, I mean I invest in strippers. And by that, I mean I invest in the $2 hand jobs they give in the back room.

One plus two equals three.

Two plus three equals five. I'm kind of pissed that it does. I almost thought I saw a pattern there.

A stitch in time saves the fabric of space/time from ripping apart.

I saw the movie Coneheads and the Coneheads said they came from France. I've been to France and they all do look like that.

I drove a bus once.

Did anyone ever check to see if this Canada is a real place? What about Mordor?

I taste like spinach.

That's what your mom said last night! Actually, it was more like, "What the hell? Is that Christopher Walken stealing my laundary?"

There are too many letters in the alpahbet. I propose we elimiate "v." Anything that has a "v" in it will just be eleimnated from society. You like velcro? Too bad!

On the subject of language, have you ever looked at a 200 year old document and notice that they used to use the letter "f" in place of the letter "s"? It makes me think that everyone back then had a lisp.

I have always hated Alvin and the Chipmunks. Simon and Thoedore are all right, but that Alvin is such a temendous dick. Plus they don't even write any of their own songs except for the Christmas one, and that wasn't even one of the top five best Christmas songs sung by a mamalian music group.