50 Reasons Why Theodore Roosevelt is Our Nation's Best President
1. Theodore Roosevelt was the first president to be under continuous watch by the Secret Service. This was not for his own protection, but rather for the protection of people who might make him angry.2. Theodore Roosevelt was a progressive in terms of race relations. He was the first president to invite an African American to the White House, and appointed the first Jew to a cabinet position.
3. Theodore Roosevelt coined the term “The White House” in response to minorities getting too “buddy buddy” with him. Theodore Roosevelt felt the new name would remind them who was in charge. The White House had previously been known as “The Presidential Mansion.”
4. Theodore Roosevelt was a judo brown belt, a very noteworthy achievement at the time.
5. Theodore Roosevelt became president after the assassination of William McKinley. William McKinley was assassinated by Theodore Roosevelt.
6. While Theodore Roosevelt was president Oklahoma was admitted to statehood. A bill was passed to admit Arizona and New Mexico as states. Theodore Roosevelt signed this bill into law in order to win a bet. He actually opposed Arizona and New Mexico becoming states. Under threat of violence, the two territories declines admission to statehood.
7. Theodore Roosevelt resigned from his position as Assistant Secretary of the Navy to fight in the Spanish-American War as part of the Rough Riders. While popular history often states he recruited the group in response to the war, Roosevelt had actually formed the Rough Riders several years before the Spanish-American War. The purpose of the group was to always kill Spaniards.
8. Theodore Roosevelt ran for election in 1912 as part of The Progressive Party. It was commonly known as the Bull Moose Party because at the speech where he announced his candidacy he killed a moose with a bull whip.
9. While campaigning for president in 1912, Theodore Roosevelt was shot in the chest. He did not go to the hospital, and instead gave a 90 minute speech. After the speech he went to the hospital but did not have the bullet removed just to prove just how tough he is.
10. Theodore Roosevelt knew that a canal in Central America connecting the two oceans would be a great boost to United States shipping. He negotiated with Columbia to build a canal through the providence of Panama. When the two sides couldn’t come to an agreement, Theodore Roosevelt started a revolution in Panama, creating the nation of Panama and arranged with them to dig the canal. America gained control of the Canal Zone in exchange for Theodore Roosevelt’s promise to not overthrow Panama’s government anytime in the near future.
11. Theodore Roosevelt tried to raise a volunteer regiment during World War I which he would lead himself. Woodrow Wilson pleaded with Roosevelt to not do this as it would not be proper for a former president to fight in a war. Theodore Roosevelt told Woodrow Wilson to “fuck off.” Wilson only convinced Roosevelt to not join the war after giving him large amounts of tax payer money.
12. The Boy Scouts of America gave Theodore Roosevelt the title “Chief Scout Citizen.” He is the only person to be given this title.
13. During a presidential dinner, Dorothy Parker said to Calvin Coolidge “I've made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you." Coolidge replied by saying “You lose.” Theodore Roosevelt then put Coolidge in a headlock and administered noogies until Coolidge said "uncle", winning Parker 50 dollars.
14. Theodore Roosevelt distrusted wealthy business men and trusts and dissolved over fourty trusts…with acid.
15. A proficient writer, Theodore Roosevelt wrote thirty-five books which included works on outdoor life, natural history, the American frontier, political history, pleasuring women, naval history, and his autobiography.
16. Theodore Roosevelt was the first American to be awarded the Nobel Prize, winning the Peace Prize in 1906, for negotiating the peace in the Russo-Japanese War.
17. As a deputy sheriff, Roosevelt hunted down three outlaws who stole his river boat and were escaping north up the Little Missouri River. Capturing them, he decided against hanging them and sending his foreman back by boat, he took the thieves back overland for trial in Dickinson, guarding them for forty hours without sleep. It is the most bad ass thing ever done by a law enforcer who is not Robo Cop
18. While on honeymoon with his second wife, Theodore Roosevelt climbed Mont Blanc, leading the third recorded expedition to reach the summit. That’s right, leading a group of people up a mountain that had only been climbed twice before is what he considered a vacation.
19. In 1888, Theodore Roosevelt campaigned for Benjamin Harrison. Upon Harrison’s election Roosevelt was appointed to the United States Civil Service Commission. In 1892, he again campaigned for Harrison. Harrison lost to Grover Cleveland in the election. Cleveland chose to not remove Roosevelt from his position out of fear.
20. While president of the New York City Police Commissioners, he created bicycle squads. In a sense he is indirectly responsible for the hit television program Pacific Blue which revitalized Mario Lopez’s career.
21. Theodore Roosevelt was an explorer of the Amazon Basin. He organized expeditions to find a legendary tribe of attractive Amazon women. He was sorely disappointed.
22. Theodore Roosevelt created The Great White Fleet in 1907. This group of ships was painted white except for the beautiful gilded scrollwork with a red, white, and blue banner on their bows. The fleet them circumnavigated the globe to demonstrate the power of America’s navy. The fact is these were the only ships in America’s navy at the time, but the gambit managed to fool every other nation into thinking America was the supreme power on the seas.
As shown in the picture from a newspaper Theodore Roosevelt was the very first Ghostbuster:
23. In regards to Theodore Roosevelt’s boundless energy and endless pursuit of fun, one ambassador said “You must always remember that the President is about six." That ambassador was never heard from again.
24. In 1908, while still president, Theodore Roosevelt was blinded in one eye during a boxing match. Despite the injury he retained his world title belt with a knockout in the 37th round.
25. December 1901, Roosevelt asked Congress to curb the power of trusts "within reasonable limits." They did not act but Roosevelt did, issuing forty four lawsuits against major corporations. He then accused Congress of being “a bunch of pansies” for not going after trusts themselves.
26. Theodore Roosevelt was an avid reader. After reading the Upton Sinclair novel The Jungle he was inspired to push congress to pass The Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906. These laws called for labeling of foods and drugs, inspection of livestock and mandated sanitary conditions at meat packing plants. The Jungle was not written to expose the unsanitary conditions of meat packing plants, but actually to promote socialism. Theodore Roosevelt ensured that everybody would focus on the sections of the book describing the meat packing plants, and ignore the socialist message, single handedly destroying the American socialist movement.
27. As president Theodore Roosevelt slept with a pistol under his pillow. If you think that’s pretty badass also consider that he also slept with a pistol in each hand and a knife in his teeth.
28. William McKinley originally did not want Theodore Roosevelt on his presidential ticket. He accepted Roosevelt after learning that he had no choice. Roosevelt turned out to be a huge asset to McKinley’s campaign, allowing them to beat William Jennings Bryan. After the election, William Jennings Bryan went insane, copied Roosevelt by volunteering to fight in the Spanish-American War, became Secretary of State despite the fact that he is clearly insane and eventually starred in the movie Inherit the Wind. I’m also guessing none of you are still reading this because you have no clue who William Jennings Bryan is.
29. According to Wikipedia “Theodore Roosevelt was a douchebag Kevin Wu is asian.”
I still can’t figure out why I’m not allowed to use Wikipedia when writing papers for school.
30. Theodore Roosevelt once said "I should welcome almost any war, for I think this country needs one.” He is the only person ever to enjoy war.
31. Theodore Roosevelt was the youngest person to assume the presidency at the almost child like age of 46.
32. Theodore Roosevelt is one of the few presidents to not swear upon a bible while taking the presidential oath. Technically, this means he could do whatever he wanted as president without any consequences. A man of honor, Theodore Roosevelt chose to not declare himself King of America.
34. At the age of 8, one of Theodore Roosevelt’s favorite activities was catching animals, killing them, stuffing them, and putting them on display in the "Roosevelt Museum of Natural History.”
35. Theodore Roosevelt was active in numerous clubs, including the Alpha Delta Phi and Delta Kappa Epsilon fraternities. It is rumored, although unconfirmed, that he invented keg stands.
36. Theodore Roosevelt’s first wife and mother died on the same day. It was no coincidence.
37. Frederick Jackson Turner’s famous Frontier Thesis was stolen from ideas presented in Theodore Roosevelt’s book The Winning of the West. Theodore Roosevelt told Turner to stop stealing ideas from him. Frederick Jackson Turner never created another work worth publishing.
38. Theodore Roosevelt set aside 194 million acres for national forests because he really really liked camping. He also created fifty three national wildlife refuges to ensure he had animals to hunt in the future.
39. Of the presidents on Mount Rushmore he is the only one to carve his own bust.
40. On January 6, 1919, at the age of 60, Roosevelt died while fighting a large gang of Irishmen and polar bears that had broken into his house. He killed most of them before being struck down by a crashing zeppelin. Over 500 bystanders were killed during the four days of fighting.
41. While on safari, Theodore Roosevelt killed over 11,397 animals including six white rhinos.
42. Theodore Roosevelt ran for president in 1912 not because he wanted to be president but just because he wanted to “fuck over” William Howard Taft. Because of Roosevelt, Taft became the only incumbent president to come in third place in an election.
43. In Brazil Theodore Roosevelt contracted malaria. While malaria kills most people it had little effect on him.
44. Like all presidents Theodore Roosevelt was a Freemason. Unlike all other presidents he was not a Zionist.
45. Theodore Roosevelt disliked having “In God We Trust” on money and suggested “Rock Over London, Rock On Chicago” as an alternative.
46. As president, he often skinny dipped in the Potomac River during winter. If the river was frozen over, he broke the ice with his gigantic wang.
47. Theodore Roosevelt discovered a 625 mile long river in Brazil named Rio Roosevelt. He also discovered Paraguay.
48. He hates being called Teddy, and if he hears you call him that, he will kick your ass.
49. Robin Williams played Theodore Roosevelt in the movie Night at the Museum. This is the only time Robin Williams has ever been funny.
50. On a hunting trip in Mississippi Theodore Roosevelt’s guide provided Roosevelt with a sickly bear he had earlier caught. Roosevelt did not kill the subdued bear saying it was unsportsman like and had it released. His kindness led to bears being associated with Roosevelt, and the creation of Teddy’s Bears or Teddy Bears, which became a beloved children’s toy. Later on the trip Roosevelt killed seventy five bears healthy bears including twelve cubs.