If I Had a Blog
You may have noticed that neither Johnny or my blogs have been up since the beginning of the year. I was supposed to install them months ago, but that takes effort to restore our old posts and I am a dumbass. So here is an article composed of blog posts I would have made, had I a blog.
Earth Day - posted April 22, 2007
It's Earth Day. I don't care for this hippie jam fest. In fact, I am quite opposed to it. The earth, I mean. Today, I drove my car around for three hours even though I had no where to go. I also threw some rocks at a couple of deer.
Will Ferrell - posted April 7, 2007
I was in the area for Easter when the local news reported that Will Ferrell is coming to Flint to film a movie. I don't think that is a good idea. Will Ferrell will never survive in Flint, he is far too delicate. Once the locals see him holding a mocha latte with his soft Hollywood hands, they are going to rob him of his money, clothes, and teeth.
A Slight Medical Problem - posted March 20, 2007
My penis has turned green.
A Picture of George Lucas and That Girl from Friends - posted March 13, 2007
I found this picture while doing my weekly Google search for George Lucas pictures. It is George Lucas and Jennifer Aniston. George Lucas, as we all know, created Star Wars. Jennifer Aniston was an actress on the show Friends who then went on to do several movies in which she played someone's girlfriend. They are attending a star studded Hollywood tribute to David Lee Roth and are photographed here after striking up a conversation about how awesome George Lucas is.
You can observe a few things from this photograph. One, you could easily fit Jennifer Aniston's entire body inside George Lucas' head. If his head is large because George Lucas is such a tremendous genius or just fat is undecided. Episodes 3-5 lean toward one theory while Episodes 1-3 lean toward the other. Or maybe Jennifer Aniston is just really small. Women tend to be smaller than men or so I hear. I don't know much about woman, what with having a website and all. But I do know that actresses have to keep their weight down or else no one will jack off to them on the internet, and that will kill an actress' career.
If you had never seen Friends then based on this publicity photo, you would have assumed it was about three hookers and a rope. No wonder it became such a huge hit. That would have been a way better premise too.
Black Snake Moan - posted March 10, 2007
Has anyone seen this movie? I like that in 2007, we can have a movie about a black man who keeps a white women chained up in his backyard and it doesn't result in several lynchings.
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue - posted March 2, 2007
The Sports Illustrated swinsuit issue is out. Beyonce is on the cover. But that is not the best part. The best part of the magaizine is this fold out of a naked Burt Reynolds. Yes, I am serious. Right in the center is a fold out of a hairy ass 70's era Burt Reynolds with his hand covering his huge crotch. It's an advertisment. I don't know who paid for it. I think Burt Reynolds just ponied up the money for it himself.
The funny part comes when I am in someone's dorm room and I see they have the issue. I'll unfold it to the Burt Reynolds page and say, "This is hot." Then they always reply, "Ok, Billy, you need to leave."