TwitterfacebookTumblrMyspace
The Web BtC

Pro Stars Review

<< [Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4] >>

Pro Stars

Keith sees them coming and warns Gargantus. Gargantus tells Keith to get in the penis car and knock a boulder down the mountain to them. Keith then asks if Gargantus will let his dad go when he becomes a full fledged gang member, and Gargantus agrees but does so very sarcastically. Keith does not pick up on the sarcasm because he is an idiot. Keith also doesn't seem to mind killing his sister.

Now, I have no clue how to describe this next series of events because they are too insane to comprehend. The boulder is rolling at them. Jordan then takes an inflatable basketball that is gigantic and throws it at the boulder.

Pro Stars

It hits the boulder and they both start rolling down the mountain.

Pro Stars

Jordan jumps on the basketball and starts riding it circus style.

Pro Stars

Bo and Wayne brace themselves against the basketball.

Pro Stars

And the boulder hits the basketball and flies to the top of the mountain where it land on Froggy.

Pro Stars

I know this is a cartoon, but that is still way too much. Somebody should have pointed out how insane that series of events is and how little it should have worked.

Pro Stars

Gargantus yells down from the top of the mountain that the Pro Stars are a bunch of yanks. This pisses off Bo Jackson more then anything else ever. He yells, "That's it, let's go just you and me" to which Wayne responds, "Bo I'd hate to break your flow but its not just you and him, there are 55 of them." Yup 55 of them. Exactly. Wayne counted them all I guess.

Pro Stars

Foiled in their attempts to crush the Pro Stars, Gargantus and his gang get in their penis shaped cars and drive down the mountain to do some good old fashion brawling. Wayne Gretzky skates towards them and hit some in the face with hockey pucks that turn into eggs, thus blinding them. It would have probably been more efficient to just hit them with a hockey puck going hundreds of miles per hour and killing them, but cartoon superheroes always have to go the extra mile to be as nonviolent as possible. Don't think they don't wish they could just kill the villain and get things over with. Wayne also has the shoes with the wheels in them that kids these days all have. I wish I had a pair of those. I'd say fuck you to walking and just glide wherever I had to go.

Pro Stars

Jordan's plan of action is to immediately get captured. Uh oh, it looks like its time for a lynching.

Pro Stars

Wayne and Sheila also get captured. Now you can't blame Sheila since she is a little girl, but the Pro Stars should be doing better then this. Come on guys, you're supposed to be superheroes. Bo is forced to give up or else his friends will be killed. It's a sad day for sports enthusiasts.

Pro Stars

In celebration, Gargantus raises his arms while yelling "Gargantus rules" just like that one family in Billy Madison. That's a pretty funny movie and the best part is that it's on TV so often that there is no reason to buy the DVD. Chances are it's on TV right now. Don't bother to watch it until you finish reading the review though. If you miss it today you can catch the showing the day after tomorrow.

Pro Stars

The Pro Stars and Sheila are thrown into the biggest jail cell ever. Sheila's father is also there because he doesn't want to be a slave. That seems like a pretty good deal to me. I'd rather be seen as a hero and not have to do work than build a castle.

Sheila and her father lament about how they wish Keith wasn't gay, while assuring that he is good deep down and Wayne makes a comment about how hungry he is. Pretty much the same thing that's been going on the entire episode but this time in a jail. Meanwhile, some big shit is going on outside.

Pro Stars

Keith is pissed because Gargantus was supposed to let his family go once he became a member of the gang. Gargantus tells Keith that he lied, but then tries to reassure Keith by saying "Families come and go, but a cool auto is forever." That isn't really accurate since even the nicest of autos will eventually be destroyed. Especially if you live in Michigan, where the huge amounts of salt on the road will eat through the body of a car faster then Steve Bushemi eats his way through a stripper's edible panties.

Keith is then ordered to put some spikes on Pro Star 1, which the gang has just stolen, I guess.

Pro Stars

Back in jail, Rebound has shown up outside the window with the remote control for Pro Star 1.

Pro Stars

In the ten seconds since the last scene, Keith has really made Pro Star 1 look sweet. I don't know what the skull on the front belongs to, but I assume its one of those weirdo Australian animals that only live in Australia and is called a Red Tailed Ballabaroo or something equally ridiculous.

Michael Jordan starts driving Pro Star 1 around, and doing a pretty good job considering he can't see where he's going. He then crashes it through the wall because the accelerator got stuck. Rebound had it in her pouch earlier, so mucus must have gotten under the button or something. That's kind of gross when you think about it.

<< [Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4] >>