Instant Breakfast
In this time of fast food, fast cars and fast women we need a breakfast that is fast but also tastes great and is nutritious. A generation that constantly demands instant gratification needs an instant breakfast. Luckily we have that and its name is Instant Breakfast.Oh yes Instant Breakfast the glorious bringer of hope and light to the breakfast table. Filled with nutrients and taste Instant Breakfast is sure to bring satisfaction. One serving of Instant Breakfast has 200% of your daily requirements for ALL vitamins and nutrients, even the ones that kill you if you have too much in your system.
Mix Instant Breakfast with milk and it's like eating a lumberjack's breakfast. Pancakes, eggs, waffles, scrambled eggs, ham, sausage, toast, fried eggs and pancakes have nothing on Instant breakfast. Go ahead and take hours to prepare that meal buddy. I'm over here with a glass of Instant Breakfast. 30 seconds later I'm ready to take on the day.
Don't have milk? Well don't you fret. Mix Instant Breakfast with water and it is less effective but still a great way to wake up. The choices don't end there though. When mixed with coffee it fills you up and wakes you up. When taken with a carbonated beverage it becomes a devastating laxative. Put some in alcohol and it works as a low grade aphrodisiac. Go ahead and try it. The next time you're at the bar pour some in a fine lady's drink. Her standards will go down as quickly as she goes down on you in the alley.
Instant Breakfast comes in five great flavors. Let's take a closer look at them.
Rich Milk Chocolate
This flavor will make you feel like a billionaire. The creamy ambrosia flows from your mouth through your stomach and into your loins making you more fertile and energetic. In reenergizes the heart and soul. In small doses it can extend your life and make you live longer. In large doses it can make you basically immortal. BEWARE! This may seem desirable but as you watch your friends and family die off you will become depressed wishing for a release that will never come.
Classic Chocolate Malt
Remember the 50s? The days of the Cold War and segregation. Good old times when we knew who our enemies were and we kept them in their place. Great days that can be relived in breakfast form. Classic Chocolate Malt will bring you back to a time when you could buy malts at drug stores. Days when women couldn't wear pants and people with long hair were lynched. The days of Leave it to Beaver, My Three Sons, and McCarthyism. But there is more to this flavor then just nostalgia. It also tastes like the best drink ever, the chocolate malt. It is so good you will declare it a classic. A classic chocolate malt.
Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate love here. Sexual chocolate if you will. Like a long sloppy hand job Dark Chocolate Instant Breakfast makes you happy and ready to take on the day. Drinking a glass of it is like listening to the funkiest bass line of the funkiest funk band ever. You'll feel the groove. By the time you're done you'll be hot, sweaty, and full of protein. Just like the lady you'll be able to bang once she finds out about your fine taste in breakfast milk supplements.
Classic French Vanilla
Definitely the worse of the flavors. I would only give it a score of 9 out of 10. First of all it's from France a.k.a. ANTI AMERICA OSOMA LAND! They might as well take a dump in a glass. I say this because France is smelly. Smelly like poop. In fact French people poop on themselves and into their own mouths. Another fault of Classic French Vanilla is that it makes it look like you are drinking milk that has gone bad. In France they drink spoiled milk. Spoiled milk mixed with poop.
Despite those faults it's still nutritious, tasty, and gives you super human strength. I just wish they called it Classic Freedom America Patriot Vanilla.
Strawberry Sensation
Strawberry Sensation is like riding the tidal wave of flavor on a surfboard of good health and then jumping off the surfboard into Steve Buscemi's pink Cadillac of ecstasy. Like life sustaining blood Strawberry Sensation has a pink tint and is necessary to live. In fact if given a choice I would prefer to have Strawberry Sensation pumping through my veins. Then I would run around fighting evil and performing feats of strength like a modern day Hercules. Thank you Strawberry Sensation. Because of you I can fight boars, clean stables and wound deer protected by the gods. Strawberry Sensation also sponsored me in the 2005 Tough Man Competition. I used the ten million dollar prize money to save a youth center.
