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I Tell You #9

Christopher WalkenI spent the summer in Guatemala building a peasant village. While there, I won the hearts of the locals. They even gave me a nickname: El Gringo Mal. I don't know what that means, but I think it is good.

I should point out that I did not build a peasant village for any peasants, I built the entire village solely for me to live and preside over. I was the mayor, constable (I despise the term sheriff), head firefighter, mail carrier, and town drunk.

I turned on my TV for the first time in ten months (I rarely watch television. I bide my time with the and my Shakespearean theater) to see the movie Click on one of the channels, it was HBO or HGTV or something of that sort. I was shocked to see myself in the film. It should be obvious my now that I no longer pay attention to what roles I take. I will be in your movie if you can best me at Guess Who.

I saw myself in the mirror one time and mistook it for a TV showing a movie I was recently in. The movie went on for seven hours and it was just me standing there and starring. It was very art house.

Question: red or yellow?

I dislike ice skating because I dislike ice. Water should be in liquid form and liquid form only. Anything other state is an abomination.

Little known fact about Canadian history: during World War II Canada was a member of the Axis powers.

Traffic laws - ha! More like traffic suggestions.

What race do you think is the tastiest?

I invented syrup.

I can fit twenty M&Ms in my mouth. Try and beat that...if you're man enough.

You aren't.

Metallica got a lot of grief for cutting their hair in 1996. But come on, they should get some credit for being the only heavy metal band in existence for several years. Plus, every heavy metal band since then has really sucked, including Metallica now.

I went to the school of hard knocks. Otherwise known as Clifton Beauty Academy. Learning to perm there is a trial by fire.

Hand me my trident.

If we speak English in America, then what do they speak in England, American?

Be sure to pick up my latest album, Christopher Walken Does the Beatles Only Better. For sale wherever the trunk of my car can be found.