If I Were A Professional Wrestler I Would Be The Best Wrestler Ever
If I were a professional wrestler I would be the best wrestler ever.My wrestling name would be Johnny Dangerous, because lets face it, that name is awesome. It is intimidating because I am dangerous and also because people named Johnny are not to be messed with.
If I had to change my name for some reason my new name would be Professor Bitchslap!!! The exclamation points are part of the name.
If I were a professional wrestler I would of course be in the WWE. TNA is for losers that got fired from the WWE and Ring of Honor are for losers who can’t get hired by the WWE.
If I were a professional wrestler instead of just being on one show I would appear on Raw, ECW and Smackdown. If during an interview I was asked why I am on all the shows I say “Because I got tired of being on YOUR MOM” and then I would dance.
If I were a professional wrestler my entrance music would be Carry on my Wayward Son by Kansas. I would wait until the vocal beginning ended and then there would be a huge explosion and wall of flames that engulfed the entire entrance ramp. Then I would fly over that on a jetpack and continue to fly around until the song ended.
If I were a professional wrestler my Titantron video would be random scenes from the Mad Max movies. Everybody loves Mad Max so the fans will be on my side.
If I was the first wrestler to enter the ring I would intimidate my opponent by pulling my dick out and waving it at them as they made their entrance. This would frighten and unnerve him.
If I were a professional wrestler all of my moves would be named after serial killers. If I did a suplex it would be called “The Manson-plex” a Samoan drop is now “The Zodiac slam” and my clothesline would be “The Werewolf of Wysteria arm smash to the depths of hell!!!”
If I were a professional wrestler whenever I wasn’t on camera the commentators would constantly be asking “Where’s Johnny?”
If I were a professional wrestler and I was in a tag team match I would never tag in my partner. After the match I would either blame him for the loss or say “Thanks for all the help…dick.”
If I were a professional wrestler I would make sure Triple H didn’t ruin my career. I would become friends with Vince McMahon so that even if Triple H didn’t like me I would have an ally strong enough to counter his backstage powers. I’m not sure exactly how you become good friends with Vince McMahon but I assume it entails buying him fancy drinks and letting him make out with your girlfriend.
If I were a professional wrestler I would constantly punch people in the balls during matches. Also in the locker room and during interviews.
If I were a professional wrestler my finishing move would consist of me using my jetpack to bring my opponent to the top of the arena and dropping him. It would be called “The Blazer Drop”
If I were a professional wrestler I would celebrate a victorious match by sitting in the ring and drinking a two liter bottle of Faygo Rock N Rye to celebrate. I would also on occasion drive a fire truck down to the ring and spray Faygo on my rivals. If anybody pointed out that I’m ripping off Stone Cold Steve Austin I would punch him in the balls.
If I were a professional wrestler I would bring one of those guns that shoot t-shirts with me whenever I had a hardcore match. I would use it to shoot t-shirts at my opponent’s stomach at such a speed that it would cause internal injuries.
If I were a professional wrestler I would be smart and not to steroids. I would sneak steroids into other wrestlers drinks so that they would fail drug tests.
If I were a professional wrestler I would call Big Daddy V “Big Fat Man Tits” behind his back. If Big Daddy V found out about the nickname I would tell him that Stevie Richards came up with it.
If I were a professional wrestler I would guest star on Boy Meets World.
If I were a professional wrestler I would win titles and then not bring them with me to shows. If I lost the title I would keep it and make the WWE order a new one.
If I were a professional wrestler I would be a legend and one of the best. I would also retire at the age of 35 so that I wouldn’t end up as one of those old wrestlers who are a shell of their former glory. After retiring I would go on to make poorly made action movies and family oriented comedies.