The Super Mario Bros Super Show
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It's time for episode two, "All Steamed Up."
Things start out with the Mario Brothers working on some sort of steamer. Luigi says all the valves are tightened and Mario is shocked because he thought they were loosening them. Whoever hired them is going to be pissed that half his valves don't work.
The phone rings, and I think this is a good time to talk about their phone. Look at it. It is a pizza or something. I'm not sure why it looks like a pizza, but I would buy a phone like that in a second.
It even has speaker phone, which is literally a speaker next to the phone.
On the phone is Sgt. Slaughter. It's hard to figure out exactly what Sgt. Slaughter's deal is. In real life he is a wrestler, but on GI Joe he is an actual sergeant, and they never explain if he is also a wrestler, or if in that universe he is just a military man. It would have taken five seconds to let us know. All they had to do is have Flint say, "Man that Sgt. Slaughter is tough, he was a wrestler and now he is a GI Joe" or something. Instead they just leave it all in the air.
That also means we don't know if this is the Sgt. Slaughter who wrestles or the one who fights terrorist organizations. It's live action so you would think it's the wrestler, but he also mentions on the phone that he is driving a tank and uses it to blow up cars in front of him, so it's kind of a toss up. I also like that The Super Mario Bros Super Show did a joke about killing motorists with a tank. Showed those commuters whose the boss.
In comes Sgt. Slaughter. Awesome. Meanwhile, Luigi is getting a pizza out of the oven and Mario gets into the steam cabinet to test if it works. Sgt. Slaughter then calls Luigi "doughboy" despite being much larger than him. It must be a World War I reference. Luigi served during Operation Michael and was awarded a Purple Heart.
Slaughter turns the machine on, and Mario is still inside and apparently can't get out. Mario starts hitting the machine which makes Sgt. Slaughter comment that he doesn't like all the thumping noise it is making. Luigi responds by telling Slaughter to come into the kitchen because he can hardly hear it over there. That was a funny bit, and the canned laughter that permeates these episodes like a mist over the moors of Scotland agrees with me.
Coming back from the cartoon Luigi gets a pizza out of the oven. Sgt. Slaughter asks what kind it is and Luigi reveals that it is made from anchovies, grapes, and cheese whiz. That is not Italian cooking, that is a pizza made by two people who are high.
Slaughter then tells Luigi that he doesn't like the thumping and Luigi turns up the steam. Also they are talking in tune to a march cadence. You know like "I don't know but I've been told, Eskimo pussy's mighty cold."
But about pizza and steam, not Eskimos and cats.
This goes on for about three minutes, which is a really long time to talk like that. Then we get to watch more Legend of Zelda previews. The Legend of Zelda was only on Fridays and all of the episodes featured in this article were shown in the same week, so they preview the same episode. By the end we pretty much know everything that is going to happen and it looks sweet. I really need to get that DVD now.
In this week's episode Zelda is attacked by the cover of a Dio album.
Oh yeah, Mario got turned into a midget. We all saw that coming right?
The midget does not get to appear during the ending part where they all say "Do the Mario!"