Rudolph's Shiny New Year
[Part 1 | Part 2]
Instead of focusing on the Ghaznavid Empire's occupation of Transoxiana, the island of 1023 is where all fairy tales took place. That is why when Happy recreates the story of Goldilocks, the bears are friendly instead of tearing the baby from limb to limb like in real life. The bears decide to adopt Happy so that their son has somebody to play with. Baby Bear was voiced by Red Skelton and if the voice is any indication, Mama Bear was voiced by Fran Drescher.
Happy thinks he has found a true friend but like everybody he thought he loved the bears laugh and mock his horrible deformity. Bears are always assholes. Happy runs off again to find somebody who will accept his ears for who they are.
Happy ends up getting nabbed by Eon. I was going to show a picture of this but I once again couldn't get a good screen shot, so instead take a look at this bear related picture I have on my computer
I never want to read that book, I just want to sit and imagine how awesome it could be. Chances are my imagination is much more entertaining then the actual content.
Eon is making off with Happy in tow while Big Ben, Rudolph, O.M. and 1023 pursue. Without any regard to Happy's health, Big Ben sprays water at Eon. Eon drops Happy who uses his hat to float down to an island. Rudolph could have flown up and grabbed Happy, but does not because the special needs to be 15 minutes longer.
Happy lands on the island of 1776 where he is greeted by Benjamin Franklin who invites Happy to the Fourth of July celebration. On the island of 1776 everyday is the Fourth of July and only America exists.
Hey Crown Prince Paul, your marriage is not going to be represented on the island. That'll show you for being Russian. America! Fuck yeah!
Happy gets to go to a parade, which is a pretty good deal for him. Parades are cool and if you are at a parade and you don't like it then you can walk the opposite direction the parade is going and fast forward it or so certain philosophers tell me.
The American flag comes by, and Happy is forced to remove his hat. The parade literally stops so that everybody can laugh at him. Come on guys, he looks funny, but you don't need to stop the parade to laugh at him. I hope nobody in this special ever goes to Walmart. Once they see the unwashed five hundred pound woman in the tiny electronic cart they won't ever be able to stop laughing.
Later on, Benjamin Franklin apologizes on behalf of the island being full of dicks and laughing at a baby. He also pledges to help out. Just then the crew hears Eon flying around. It turns out he has befriend Happy by not laughing at Happy's ears. It just goes to show, it takes an evil bird who is thousands of years old to show you how you should have behaved.
Benjamin Franklin wonders how they can pursue the bird since it is night. Rudolph says "That's where I come in" and makes his nose glow. This blows Benjamin Franklin's mind!
Father Time informs us loyal viewers that Eon lives on "The Island of No Name" which is a silly name for an island. Big Ben knows the way but 1023, O.M. and Benjamin Franklin are worried that they won't make it in time. Rudolph tells them that "you to have hope" which convinces them all to have hope. It doesn't take much to cheer up a year I guess.
Shortly after landing on the island, Big Ben's clock rings 11:30. Seeing as it is New Year's Eve, they only have half an hour to steal the baby. Kind of reminds me of my 15th birthday, except only one person is dressed like a founding father.
Eon sees the babynapping heroes and causes an avalanche, which encases them in snow balls despite the fact that in this picture we clearly see that it is mostly rocks not snow tumbling down at them. Eon then gloats to Happy how his friends are dead and nobody will ever save him. I tell you, Eon sure let go of that friendship charade pretty quickly. I don't think he ever actually befriended Happy as much as just grabbed him. Eon says he will enslave Happy, but really what good is a slave who is a baby? Also why does a bird who lives on an iceberg need a slave?
Rudolph uses his nose to melt the snowball, cause I guess his nose gives off heat, and bursts out of it like a combination of a chick and Kool-Aid Man. He goes off to find Happy without doing anything to save the lives of his friend. Too bad, O.M. I guess you freeze to death.
Happy is reluctant to befriend Rudolph because Rudolph is a freaky talking deer with a glowing nose. Also, he has all those scarring events in his past where his new friends laughed and mocked him for looking different. I met a lot of people like that in college, but they just spent a lot of time on the internet instead of running away to mystical islands.
Rudolph shows Happy his glowing nose and encourages Happy to laugh at it because "It doesn't bother me anymore" as Rudolph says. Happy is more than happy to laugh at Rudolph. Rudolph asks Happy if he has ever heard of him. Considering Rudolph has only been famous for one week it's a little big headed of him to assume everybody knows who he is. Father Time says Rudolph is too modest to tell his own story but the trees and snowflakes helped him out, apparently by singing the song while showing a poorly animated cartoon illustrating the events of said song.
Santa Claus is not looking good, and he is giving a clear view of his ass to the other reindeers. He needs a longer dress. I dont know why they couldn't just show claymation scenes from the last special instead of this cartoon bullshit. Claymation is awesome.
Rudolph then gives a speech about how he learned to love his nose because it is his nose and it makes him special and it is different from all other noses in the world. After gaining Happy's trust, Rudolph tells Happy to take off the hat, so that he can prove to Happy that he isn't all that funny looking.
Rudolph then immediately bursts out laughing upon seeing Happy. Way to ruin things Rudolph, now it is going to be 1928 forever. Racial desegregation will never happen in the American South, much to the joy of George Allen.
Rudolph quickly covers for his blunder by saying that the ears made all the joy within him burst out in laughter and that it had nothing to do with Happy looking like a mouse. Happy buys this because he is a baby and therefore easily misled. Plus, he is looking for any excuse to save his shattered self esteem. He yells out "Happy" which is also his first words. Oh baby New Years, they grow up so fast don't they? Of course they do. They only have 365 days to fully mature and embody what their year represents.
Happy saying "happy" wakes up Eon. Seeing Happy without the hat on makes Eon laugh uncontrollably and fall off the mountain. Father Time says this is the first time Eon has ever laughed even though he has cackled constantly throughout the entire special. Rudolph says he won't be bothering them anymore because nobody can turn to ice and snow if they are full of warm laughter. I think he won't be bothering them because his spine was severed by the fall.
Happys grotesque deformity finally saves the day. Hurray for laughing at people who look weird.
Oh and Eon laughing saved the others. Don't bother asking how, I've only got four minutes of this show left. Im going to hurry through it and get back to that alcohol addiction I've been working on.
In an unfortunate turn of events, it is midnight and Father Time's castle is too far for them to get to before 12:01.
Then Santa Claus shows up to be the Dues Ex Machina. He says he can get them to Father Times castle on time because he is super fast. Well he doesn't say that, but that's close enough.
I want to know where Santa has been this past week? He should have met up with Rudolph as soon as the storm ended. What a jerk.
Happy gets there just in time to be crowned. And thats the end of the Prince Charles Story.
O.M. went on to replace that creepy raccoon as the official mascot of Odyssey of the Mind.
Big Ben splits his time between writing a feature for Time Keepers Quarterly and terrorizing Japanese whalers.
Sir 1023 was disposed by Abu al-Qasim Muhammad ibn Abbad who became the first independent Muslim ruler of the island of 1023.
Benjamin Franklin was drafted and killed in Vietnam.
Father Time fathered approximately 80 more new years, and many more illegitimate children.
Eon the terrible is now known as Eon the odious.
Rudolph never was able to top saving two holidays in one week. Later attempts at saving things included a circus and island of misfit toys, but these endeavors paled in comparison to Rudolph's earlier accomplishments.
[Part 1 | Part 2]