Pee in the ShowerWhy is there always pee in the showers? Everywhere I go pee in the shower. At work-pee in the shower. At the gym- pee in the shower. I go into my bathroom and there is a two feet of standing pee in the shower. I can't take it! I didn't pee in the shower!
So I goes up to Nancy and I say "Yo, you pee in the shower?"
And she says, "No."
So I says "Well who did?"
And she says, "Billie stayed over last night, maybe she peed in it."
That must be it! Billie is a huge asshole and pees in things all the time. So I pick up the red phone.
So she says "Hello," like she is innocent or something.
So I says "You peed in my shower mother fucker!"
And she says, "No I didn't, I went home and showered this morning."
So I says, "Well if you didn't do it then who did?"
And she says, "As I was leaving your place your landlord was coming in."
So I hung up. The landlord is the scallywag behind this. He thinks that just because he owns the property and I never pay rent on time he can pee in my shower. I'll show him. I'll show him right now!
My landlord is always in the parking lot sitting in his truck smoking. I go out there and start banging on his window.
So he says, "Johnny, why are you out here in a bathrobe?"
And I says, "You peed in my shower bitch face."
So he says, "No I didn't, why would you say that?"
And I says, "Don't lie dickless wonder. I got a shower filled with pee and ten eye witnesses that place you at the scene."
So he says, "Listen asshole, I didn't go near your place. I went to the unit next door. They've had complaints about their plumbing backing up."
I felt so silly. It made sense now. What a simple and obvious soluition. My neighbors broke into my place and peed in my shower because they're toilet was broken.
So I go and bang on their door til they answer it.
So I says, "You dirty rotten scoundrels peed in my shower."
And they say, "What?"
So I says, "I know you pee in your shower all the time and I have the video footage to prove it!"
And they say, "The judge said you have to stay away from us."
So I say, "Admit you broke into my bathroom and peed in my shower and repay the damages and apologize and go to jail and I'll just forget this ever happened."
And they say, "We would never enter your cabin. It smells like cabbage and you scare us. Please leave, you are making our children cry."
Those are strong reasons why they didn't pee in my shower. Also I suddenly realized I knew who really did it.
So I run up and says, "Red Herring you holocaust denying card carrying member of the Klan a crime has been committed and I know you did it!"
And he says, "Johnny every time a crime has been committed you accuse me. I've never committed any crime. I'm a retired priest. You only think I committed the crime because my name is Red Herring."
That's pretty much true.
Unable to find the culprit I return to the scene of the crime to look for more clues.
The pee, it is still there. It mocks me. I stick my face down into it to try to inspire myself to solve the mysters.
So then I says, "This isn't pee. It is Mellow Yellow."
And Nancy says, "What?"
So I says, "The pee in the shower is really Mellow Yellow."
And she says, "You and Billie left a bunch of Mellow Yellow out last night and it went flat. The sink is full of dishes so I poured it in the shower."
So I says, "I thought it was pee."
And she says, "Why? Mellow Yellow doesn't even look like pee."
So I went to the doctor and found out I have a liver infection.
How do you like that, I got a liver infection just because somebody peed in my shower.