Super FantasyThe idea for this article came from a forum post I made where I said I said I was going to write a book called Super Fantasy and it would be the most popular fantasy book ever because I would have a dragon who rides other dragons. I began writing this article back when Eragon was all the rage. I never read Eragon but was told that it just ripped off Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and had a creepy scene where Eragon talks about an elf's penis. As you can see I put that info to good use in my parody. I tried to rip off my characters from a variety of sources. See if you can figure out where they all come from.
Dear Publishing person at Baen Books
I have noticed that you are a publishing house of fine accord. Books you have published such as TNT-Telzey & Trigger and Wolf Time are instant classics. That is why I feel my book is not only suited to your high standards but will blow them away.
Between the popularity of The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Eragon the time has never been more ripe to profit from fantasy books. I have an idea for a book that will blow all other fantasies away. My book is called Dragon Day. Dragon Day is the firstpart of the Super Fantasy trilogy. Super Fantasy will be a trilogy told in three parts that will take everything fantasy readers want to have, such as dragons, and then give it to them in such high quantities that they shut down into a ecstasy induced coma. Super Fantasy will be seen on the same level as classics like The Hobbit or the Baen's own The Hub: Dangerous Territory
Super Fantasy is the story of unexpected heroes and dragons. In the mythical land of Mordeor the evil Emperor Evilore and The Dragon Knight are spreading chaos through their rampaging armies. It is up to a small group of heroes led by Daystar the dragon rider to defeat them, and along the way learn the secrets of the land, and the secrets of themselves.
Dragon Day begins with a long drawn out explanation of what happened preceding the books. A lot of this is superfluous or later revealed through dialogue but I figure its best to explain it here too so people don't have to pay too close of attention later on when they might be tired.
In summery: In the magical kingdom of Dragononia, Emperor Evilore and The Dragon Knight have been waging a war against The Dragon Riders, a group that fights for the good of the land. Emperor Evilore wants The Dragon Riders eliminated so that a prophecy saying that he would be killed by the last of The Dragon Riders will never come true.
Meanwhile Daystar, a 16 year old boy, lives and works on his Uncle Lars's farm. Daystar's job is to bundle sticks for export, but he dreams of leaving the farm and seeing the world. He also wishes to know more about his past. The only thing his Uncle will tell him about his parents is that his father was a great warrior.
One day while bundling sticks Daystar hears a commotion. He runs into the woods to find two imperial soldiers harassing a small wyvern. Daystar can't let this injustice go on so he confronts the soldiers and kills them in battle. The wyvern's name is Spyro and he tells Daystar that he is looking for a man named Strilder Oran. Daystar says he knows a man named Strider Oran that fits the description and they go to see him.
It is revealed that Strider was a Dragon Rider but is currently in hiding from The Dragon Knight. Spyro reveals that The Dragon Riders at Dragon Fortress on top of Dragon Mountain have discovered a dragon egg. This is the last dragon egg in existence, and they want Strider to come raise the dragon and ride it. Daystar is excited by this prospect and wants to come to. Strider agrees only if he gets permission from his Uncle. Daystar goes back to the farm only to find it has been burned and everybody killed by imperial soldiers. Even though he can't get permission he goes with Strider anyways. This part is really sad and emotional.
So they go off on the adventure and have a series of adventures where there is characterization and stuff. Trust me it's all very good and insightful but there's no need to get into that now. We also find out more about the prophecy and how it says that in order to killed Emperor Evilore the last Dragon Rider must harness the power of Dragon itself, but nobody knows that that really means. After that chapter they end up at a town next to a swamp. Strider wants to hire somebody to guide them through the swamp, although Daystar is young and brash and thinks they can do it themselves. They meet the mercenary Harrison Solo and his barbarian companion Thundar. After crossing the swamp (where there is a totally sweet fight with a giant dragon snake) Harrison and Thundar continue traveling with them for some reason.
After leaving the swamp they are all captured by The Dragon Knight and taken to Castle Evil. After being put in their cell they are able to escape by tricking the guard. Luckily there is only one guard in castle Evil and he is not very smart. They find out that princess Layla is being held in the castle, although in a different dungeon. They are escaping when The Dragon Knight comes after them. Strider fights him on the drawbridge while the others look on. Strider is killed, but when he dies he manages to make it so the drawbridge doesn't work and everybody is trapped in the castle, allowing for a clean escape.
Then they continue on to Dragon Fortress. Along the way there is some sexual tension and Daystar and Harrison are both making a play at the princess since she is totally smoking. She has very large breasts. At Dragon Fortress The Dragon Riders are flabbergasted that Strider is dead, and they blame Daystar. Then the wise wizard Merlock tells The Dragon Riders that Strider doesn't matter and that its actually Daystar who is the destined one that will save the world. That it really shocking and unexpected but there will be little clues sprinkled through the book so maybe if you are a literary genius or something you could make a wild guess and figure it out but for most people that just won't happen.
Soon after arriving at Dragon Castle the last egg hatches and Ramouth is born. Daystar takes on the difficult duties of taking care of her and training to become a Dragon Rider. Harrison talks a lot about leaving the castle to pursue his career of being a scoundrel but for some reason he doesn't. He also argues a lot with the princess. This is leading up to their eventual falling in love, people arguing and then falling in love is known in the business as sexual tension. As the story is about to end a messenger runs in announcing that The Dragon Knight and his army are about to attack the castle and there are so many of them they will surely win.
How will Daystar and his companions survive? Find out in the next book Super Fantasy II: Night of the Dragon.
List of Chapter Titles
1. The Beginning of the Adventure
2. The Beginning of the Adventure Continues
3. The Introduction of Strider
4. Death and Consequences
5. Party in Da House
6. The Adventure Through the Swamp
7. A Warrior's Path
8. Where the Unicorn Cries
9. Leaving the Swamp
10. Handsome Jimmy the Hand
13. Death and Consequences
15. On Top of Dragon Mountain is the Dragon Fortress where the Dragon Riders Ride
16. Patent Pending
17. It's a Dragon Mrs. Robinson
18. Training Montage
19. Bitch Get out the Way
20. The End
21. The End?
Sample Chapter: Chapter 9: Leaving the Swamp:
"Man we sure are dirty," Daystar said.
"Indeed, that swamp twas a dirty deed," Thundar replied.
"Good thing for these magic showers the wood elves hath provided," Daystar began disrobing. He was embarrassed, for he had never been nude with another man. Yet Thundar was his friend and surely would be understanding.
"May the gentle waters wash away our worries," Thundar took off his barbarian amour. Daystar could not help but look. He was amazed at what he saw. Thundar's penis was large, mammoth in fact. A dark shade of umber the water glistened as it fell off the tip, which was smooth and clean, unlike Daystars which was covered in flaky foreskin.
"Eyes upeth here," Thundar joked.
"Beg my pardon," Daystar was embarrassed, "But your penis is like none I have ever seen in my lifetime."
"Aye, I suppose thee hath never gone to the northlands where a lad's penis is sheared down to keep it fit and easy to handle. Tis a barbarian tradition."
"To think, there is so much in the world I have never heard about. It makes me want to experience all that I can," Daystar beamed.
The water fell upon Thundar, "Are thy saying what I believe thy are saying?"
"Whatever do you mean?"
"I supposed though wants to touch it?"
Daystar was stunned! "Could I? Just so I know what it feels like?"
"Go ahead," Thundar put his hands behind his head and laughed.
Daystar tentatively inched his hand forward. Thunday gave a reassuring nod. Daystar felt first, with just his fingertips. Then he grasped with his entire hand. It felt like a thick oak branch stripped of its bark. It was slippery and pure. Daystar closed his eyes and imagined that it was his penis he was stroking, hard, up and down faster and faster.
"What the fuck is going on in here!" Strider stood in the door holding a brush and rubber ducky.
"Ah shit," Daystar and Thundar both yelled and ran out the other door.
Nobody ever mentioned what had happened again.
This is of course just a small sampling of the story. If you choose the publish Super Fantasy: Day of the Dragon then I will also give you first chance at the two sequels Super Fantasy: Night of the Dragon, and Super Fantasy: Dawn of the Dragon.
In Super Fantasy: Night of the Dragon Daystar continues his training after finding a long lost Dragon Rider hidden deep in the Forest of Mysterious. Harrison, Thundar, the princess, and Spyro are pursued by The Dragon Knight. They eventually take refuge with a friend of Harrison who ends up betraying them. Harrison is captured and bound to a stone block using magic. Daystar saves his friends, but in the process may risk not being trained properly. There is also a sub plot with dwarfs who like to play blackjack.
In Super Fantasy: Dawn of the Dragon they save Harrison, before confronting The Dragon Knight and Emperor Evilore. Evilore tries to sway Daystar to the side of evil, and it is revealed that The Dragon Knight is really Daystar's father, and the princess is his sister. Harrison and the princess fall in love, Thundar learns the true meaning of friendship after he befriends a group of midgets, and Daystar unleashes his true power to become a dragon itself. A dragon that rides on another dragon! The one dream of every fantasy fan.
All around I am sure that this will be a runaway success. I was influenced by several sources, but I implemented that influence so subtly I bet you hardly noticed. Super Fantasy gives fantasy readers everything they want, dragons, elves, evil empires, adventure, dragons, and all written an a 5th grade reading level. I also included songs because everybody loves to read the lyrics to goofy pseudo medieval music about dragons.
I will leave you with this quote from Chapter 5:
"Such beauty and wonder in the world. It makes you truly wander what can be accomplished, Tim." – Strider.