Boycott the Caf / Video Games That Need To Be Made Into Movies

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Video Games That Need To Be Made Into Movies

Movies based off of video games are big bucks these days in LalaHollywoodland. Here are some I want to see right now.

DinoCrisis. Yeah, they already made Jurassic Park. And the plot of DinoCrisis concerns a secret experiment to create dinosaurs on a remote island that goes to hell when the dinosaurs get loose and kill all the people. Also, you have to fight a lot of velociraptors. I'm not sure how Capcom made this game without getting sued. In their defense, they really just took the story of Resident Evil and replaced zombies with dinosaurs. Also, DinoCrisis was a fun game while Jurassic Park video games tend to suck.

Resident Evil. They already made three of these movies. None of them made sense, but neither do the video games, so the movies were true to the games in that regard. I think they could have been closer to the video game. If I were the director, I would only place one camera in each room. And on the DVD, all the chapters would begin in a scene where there is a typewriter in the room.

On the subject of zombies, Johnny likes Dawn of the Dead because he thinks it would be fun to get to live in a mall. The problem is they're aren't any big malls where we live so we thought we'd have to retreat to a K-mart if a zombie outbreak occurred. You see, a lot of people would head for the Wal-mart for supplies, but that is just going to get too crowded which means the zombie virus is going to spread like wildfire. You would need to go somewhere where there will be no other people, plus a K-mart have many of the same supplies as a Wal-mart. A K-mart will have plenty of food as long as you can survive off Doritos and Pepsi. Also, zombies often retain memories of what they did in their human lives, which means they will flock to the Wal-mart in no time. So no zombies are going to go near the K-mart.

Shenmue. Oh, so many good times were had with this. In case you are not among the twelve people who've played this Dreamcast game, I will fill you in on the plot. You play an a teenager in Japan (who never goes to school) named Ryo whose father is killed by a menacing interior decorator who wants your father's mirror. Since the police are no where to be found, you have to find out who killed your father. But the game is very open and you don't have to spend all your time looking for the culprit. You can hang out at the arcade, buy a capsule toy or pop, take care of a kitten, and get a job at the harbor loading crates into warehouses. Doing that job every day takes up most of the last half of the game. Some people don't like Shenmue because they think it is boring. I would say to those people: Ok you have a point. However, it's funny when Ryo goes around town asking everyone he meets where he can find himself some sailors. It's also fun when he beats up two teenage girls. It's a shame that this game sold poorly when Grand Theft Auto III sold like hotcakes. I don't get that expression since I have never seen a hotcake stand, or know what a hotcake is. Who is buying all these hotcakes? Probably fat people. My point is, if Ryo had a gun and could shoot people on the streets, Shenmue would have been a hit.

10 Yard Fight. This is my favorite football game. There is too much going on in a Madden game; I don't want to sign free agents or decorate my pad or set concession stand prices or even have to play defense. The NES's 10 Yard Fight is all offense. If you throw an interception, your team just gets a twenty yard penalty and you retain possession. You can't even run plays as all of your receivers run in the same direction. Finally a football video game I am good at.

I imagine a 10 Yard Fight movie would follow at hot young quarterback through his career. The movie would begin with him as a high school player. He's pretty hot stuff then and easily takes his school to the championship. This gets him a scholarship to the University of Michigan football program. He falters at first, due to the shock of not being the only star on the team, and finding that the competition is tougher in this round. He turns to booze and drugs before his coach pulls him back and gets him back on track and he is able to lead his team to victory in the Rose Bowl. He then gets drafted in the third round into the NFL, but his college antics taint his image and he has to prove himself all over again in the pros. But the movie ends with him leading the Detroit Lions to the Super Bowl. Of course, this will be a work of fiction. Also, he will date, breakup with and then marry his high school sweetheart because you'd also have that in a movie, for the vaginas in the audience or whatnot.

Blues Brothers the SNES Game. This was a horrendous game, but not as bad as Blues Brothers 2000.