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The Early Morning Burger King Coffee Club



Earle: Alright everybody, we've got our coffee, it's six in the morning, I call this meeting of The Early Morning Burger King Coffee Club to order.

Hank: I would like to start off by saying I couldn't think of a better way to spend my retirement then by coming to Burger king as soon as it opens everyday in order to drink coffee.

Welsh: I hear that.

Sam: Me too.

Earle: I'm not one to say the obvious, but I think we can all agree there is no better coffee then Burger King coffee.

Welsh: Starbucks coffee is too fancy and confusing.

Sam: McDonald's coffee is made by a bunch of Micks.

Hank: Its obvious Burger King is the only suitable choice!

All: Here here!

Smitty: Sorry I'm late guys, this order took a little longer than I suspected.

Sam: What the hell is that!

Smitty: It's the new breakfast Whopper. It's like a Whopper but for breakfast.

Sam: You bastard.

Earle: Smitty you know the unspoken rule, no member of The Early Morning Burger King Coffee Club may order food. This is coffee time.

Welsh: This isn't The Early Morning Burger King Breakfast Club

Smitty: Jesus, lay off guys, I just want to try this new burger out.

Hank: Why are you hungry anyways? Didn't you eat breakfast before you came here?

Sam: It's six in the morning, I've already been up for two hours. I've eaten breakfast, read the paper, watched the news, mowed my lawn, and written angry letters to my representatives in Congress. Don't tell me you didn't even have time to eat breakfast.

Smitty: My wife is visiting her sister, so I didn't have anybody to make me breakfast.

Earle: My wife's been dead for fifteen years but that doesn't mean I should start going around ordering breakfast at restaurants like some sort of rabble-rouser.

Smitty: It looks really good, what's the big deal if I eat it?

Hank: I'll tell you why it's a big deal. First off it's rude to eat when others aren't eating. My grandmother told me that right before she died of dysentery. Secondly if we all started eating then this place will be a mess of napkins and trays. Thirdly if we are all eating then we won't get any good discussing going.

Welsh: Do you think we would have come to the conclusion that young people don't play outside enough if we were eating food instead of drinking coffee?

Sam: Or that people need to do whatever President Bush tells them?

Smitty: You do realize that Bush isn't president anymore?

Sam: He's my president damn it!

Earle: What it all comes down to is you violated the unspoken bylaws of The Early Morning Burger King Coffee Club. Your punishment is that you have to go sit with Pete.

Smitty: Oh come on, not Pete. He's the only person who comes here that's older than we are.

Earle: Not only that but years of sitting alone at Burger King has driven him insane. Now go, you may return when you finish your meal.

Smitty: Fine then, assholes.

Pete: Are you going to sit with me?
Smitty: Apparently.
Pete: I'm so happy. Nobody has sat with me since my last Breakfast Buddy died in 2002.
Smitty: You guys called yourselves the Breakfast Buddies?
Pete: Oh yes, we did. We always came here and ate breakfast.
Smitty: Did you drink coffee?
Pete: Heavens no, coffee is bad for the heart.
Smitty: My God, what have I done?
Welsh: The nerve of some people.
Hank: It's sad it had to come to that.
Smitty: Guys I'm sorry. I didn't realize the huge mistake I was making. I threw away the burger and am begging you for forgiveness.
Earle: Smitty, what's important is that you learned from the experience and won't take us for grated anymore. I think The Early Morning Coffee Club is going to be even more rock solid than ever.
Smitty: You got that right! How about I buy this next round, no food of course, just coffee.
Earle: I think we can all agree to that, right guys?

Everybody: That's right!

The End