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Nintendo Shirts 3

The Nintendo t-shirts series is one of my most popular articles. That last sentence was very poorly written but instead of fixing it I‘m just moving on. I have received high acclaim over those articles from family members who visit this site and have been asked to do more sequels and less "shit about rabbits."

Unfortunately the world of Nintendo t-shirts is limited. I can only point out how stupid showing a Nintendo with the slogan "Old School" is so many times before it becomes boring. So I'm branching out into the non-Nintendo world of video game t-shirts with

Nintendo Shirts 3: Not Nintendo Shirts

What better way to start an article about not Nintendo t-shirts then with a Sega Dreamcast shirt… and boobies. Sega Dreamcast is awesome. As a great man once said

"Me too! Sega Dreamcast: 10 Great Years, almost 10 Great Games" - Billie Green

Sega Dreamcast. We salute you.

Final Grade: A+

Ha ha, get it? A noob is a person who is not skilled at games and this shirt implies that the wearer used to play games when the reader of the shirt was not good at games. It doesn't actually say that the shirt wearer was good at video games when the reader was a noob, but I also think the kind of person who uses the word noob isn't intelligent enough to realize that

Final Grade: D

Okay, technically this is a Nintendo shirt, but this is my article and I can do whatever I want. In my mind collared shirts are usually nice. Like if I'm going to eat lunch with Grandma I'll wear a collared shirt instead of a t-shirt because it's nicer. That said, a shirt that says blow me, no matter the context, is never nice. Grandma would be ashamed.

Final Grade: D

I guess this one is also technically Nintendo. I'm doing really bad at Final Grade: non-Nintendo shirts.

If you readers out there know any girls who were addicted to the original Gameboy and somehow had a purple one even though they didn't come in that color let me know cause I can totally hook them up with something to wear.

Final Grade: C

It must have been easy to be a writer for Duke Nukem. You just watched Army of Darkness and stole all the cool lines. If Evil Dead 4 ever gets make then maybe Duke Nukem Forever can come out.

Final Grade: F

Hey dog why are you wearing a t-shirt? You are a dog. Dogs don't wear t-shirts.

I don't get this shirt. What is an Innuendo? Like if the shirt said Innuendo and said blow me like that other shirt then I would get it, but as it is there is no innuendos on this shirt.

Final Grade: D-

You know what my favorite sports team is? It's Team Video Games. That's totally a real thing according to this shirt. Nah, actually I think this shirt is just a template and you can make it say "Team" anything you want them to insert. Like it could say Team Cock Rockers.

Final Grade: D+

This shirt is in disguise. It looks like it could be from Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle or wherever it is you kids buy shirts from these days. Most video game shirts look like they were cobbled together as cheaply as possible with materials that will disintegrate if you look at them too hard. This shirt here both references Street Fighter and will serve you loyally for a long time

Final Grade: B+

Like the noob shirt but less cocky. Instead of a long declaration on how I am better than you when I wear this shirt I am simply making you aware that I enjoy using stupid internet speak and am a virgin

Final Grade: C-

This is a hat, not a shirt. Ten points off the final grade right there. Did you even read the name of the article? It is not video game hats.

That said I hate this hat. I have seen variations of this slogan on shirts. The intention is to make you look so much like a dedicated gamer that you have no time for anything else, like bathing or friends. That is probably not the proper image most people want but you can't walk through Walmart without seeing about a million shirts on display saying the same thing.

Final Grade: F

Good luck finding a girl who wants to wear a Halo shirt

Final Grade: D

I never understood why old systems had wood paneling. Was it suppose to be cool? The motivations of people in the 80s is a mystery to me. Regardless of the reason, the result is bad ass. If video games with wood paneling were a person they would be Shaq. I love my old Intelivision. Maybe wood paneling is what made Atlantis so fun.

Final Grade: A

Ah, this shirt straddles the previous noob shirt and the pwn3d shirt. You see, it is acknowledging the word noob, so presumably when I am browsing Hot Topic I would see that a person who makes t-shirts has a vague understanding that the word noob has to do with video games and be so pleased that I would have little choice but to buy it. There is no further text to give context to the word noob apparently because it is so entertaining by itself.

Final Grade: D

The idea is kind of dumb, but silly. I would never buy this shirt, but I could see wearing it if it was free. I definitely hope its free since it looks like somebody made it at home. The peace sign isn't even straight and everything is smudged like it was painted by hand

Final Grade: C-

Scorpion is thinking about button combinations to do special moved. This makes me wonder whether Scorpion plays Mortal Kombat, or if it's just some guy in a Scorpion costume. The second option is more likely since I think in the Mortal Kombat universe Scorpion wouldn't be playing any video game, even if it was based on a fighting tournament he is part of. Isn't Scorpion suppose to be a ghost or something? Ghosts don't mess around with video games, no way man.

Final Grade: C

Playing video games is not something to be proud of. Some people consider it a hobby I guess, but even then you shouldn't go around proclaiming yourself a video game nerd. A guy who likes model trains might have a Lionel shirt but I doubt he has a shirt that says "Model Trains Nerd" because that would be retarded. If you're going to wear a video game shirt you either need to go with funny or nostalgic. This "proud to be a loser" thing doesn't work no matter how cocky you are about it.

Final Grade: C-

Context is important with this shirt. Wear it to school and everybody has a good laugh, wear it to the cancer charity fundraiser and all of a sudden you're a huge asshole

Final Grade: C

This is a good shirt. I own a similar shirt. My issue with it is that you can never find a shirt with just Tails on it. Tails is rock and roll. I like him like a billion times better than Sonic yet he never gets any attention from the masses. I would own like two Tails shirts if I could buy them, but alas I can't. My dream is bitter sweet ambrosia wrapped like a burrito in hope.

Final Grade: A

Well, nothing like wearing a shirt with a barely clothed robot girl to firmly establish yourself as a great big pervert. To complete the ensemble I would suggest a fedora and semen stained sweatpants. The best part of this shirt is that Mega Man isn't a woman, so they had to change his gender just to make a pervert robot shirt.

Final Grade: D

Holy shit! This shirt can never be topped. It is amazing on so many levels. First off, it's a Sonic and Tails sweater. I didn't even know you could buy sweaters with licensed characters on them, actually you probably can't.

Secondly it says Sonic on the sleeves, as if the picture of Sonic on the front didn't make it clear enough that this was a Sonic the Hedgehog shirt.

Thirdly it has buttons. It is a sweater with buttons. I didn't know you could buy sweaters with buttons, actually you probably can't.

Final Grade: A+++


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