Songs I Find AnnoyingThis list is kind of out of date because I took to long to finish up the article. It was probably already out of date when I wrote it because Upper Michigan radio stations seem to be about twelve months behind the times with what songs they play. There's only like ten radio stations around here and six of them are Christian stations and ones an NPR station from Wisconsin that only comes in after sundown.
That said, radio stations have access to thousands and billions of great songs. Rarely due any of these songs get played. Listening to the radio is like playing Russian roulette except only one of the chambers is empty. I am going to take a look at some particular songs that have been bothering me lately.
The guy Nickelback looks like a lion. What's up with that?
If Today Was Your Last Day - Nickelback
This song is a trap. You're sitting there wishing something decent would come on the radio but unfortunately you're listening to WSCK your source for music by flavor of the month pop singers and extremely shitty mainstream rap. Then suddenly you hear the unmistakable guitaring of a rock song. Chances are it's a bad rock song cause its on the pop station but who knows, maybe Bon Jovi made another album. They're acceptable. Then you hear this line:
My best friend gave me the best advice
And your heart sinks. Oh shit, its Nickelback. Then its four minutes of bland bland blandly cliché lyrics about living every day to its fullest set to the blandest of all bland music and why the hell is it so long? The song gets its point across in about 30 seconds. If it was 30 seconds then I wouldn't't care but it goes on forever. Who knows, maybe its just blank air after the first minute or something. The song is so unmemorable that it just becomes white noise in the background. I don't even know its over until a hear something better song begin, like the jingle for a grocery store.
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
This song is catchy but not in a good way, like herpes. Radio DJs don't seem to understand the difference. A good song sticks in your head because you want to remember it. A bad song sticks in your head because they somehow managed to hit a mysterious set of chords that permanently lodges itself in your brain like some sort of parasitic worm. Just because a song is catchy it doesn't mean it needs to go on the radio. The Meow Mix song is catchy, but that you don't see disc jockeys spinning that single. Stop playing bad songs. "I'm Yours" is bad. The lyrics are inane, pointless, and the guitar noodling is even worse. Fuck off Jason Mraz your last name is spelled in a really dumb way.
Much like Mama Cass before her, Pink's nickname is a reference to her vagina.
Any Song by Pink
I was going to go through the trouble of figuring out which Pink song I keep hearing but then I realized my complaints could probably apply to any of her songs.
Pink, just because you say that you are a rock/ punk it doesn't make you rock/punk. You are a pop singer. Either embrace it or start making music that could be classified as rock and or punk. I don't know why you are so confused about your genre. In addition stop dying your hair stupid colors and constantly making faces at cameras while doing the devil horns. It's very lame.
Station IDs for classic rock stations
This is the thing where the classic rock station plays a short part from great classic rock songs then say who they are. Like they start off with the beginning of "Black Dog" by Zeppelin, you're all "awesome Zeppelin," then it cuts to the guitar riff of "Layla" and you realize what it is and are no longer excited. Then it cuts to something like "Come Together" before the DJ says the name of the station and the id number. The specific songs vary but the important part is that they are always awesome songs. Then after the ID they play something like The Guess Who. Not that The Guess Who would be too bad normally after coming after those awesomeclits its a huge disappointment. Why aren't they playing those songs? Why is a Canadian band singing about American women? You Canucks better stay away from our women or we'll burn your capital again!
Mr. Mom - I don't know who sings this
The guy in "Mr. Mom" is a lazy bitch. "Oh look at me. I just got fired, but that's okay, I'm just going to hang around the house drinking PBR while my wife works. What? I have to take care of the kids? Zoinks! Shenanigans!"
The song is the equivalent of a stand up act about how taking care of the family sure is hectic and crazy. Not a good stand up act on that subject like Bill Cosby might do but something by a really lame comedian. I was going to give an example here of a bad comedian whose act focuses on his family but I can't think of any. When I'm watching Friday night stand up on Comedy Central and its not funny I usually change the channel to the weekly Law & Order: SVU marathon on USA instead of finding out who the unfunny person is so I can later make fun of them. Lets just make up a comedian. Oh boy, this song is so lame its like a stand up act by Charlie McPoopy.
"Mr. Mom" the music video is actually somewhat amusing. Instead of releasing it as a song they should have just released it as a animation on Newsgrounds.
I Kissed a Girl - The I Kissed a Girl Lady
This song suffers much like "Mr. Mom" from the fact that it only works with the video. I'm not sure if the video I saw was the official music video but it seemed to be on the same subject matter, although now that I think about it I don't specifically remember if this song was the song being played in the background.
All Summer Long - Kid Rock
This one isn't so much an issue anymore. It was a bigger problem last summer but it still comes on every once in a while and it still makes me want to punch my fist through the windshield. From what I can tell the song is pretty much about getting drunk on whiskey and having sex outdoors. Nothing wrong with that. I've got nothing wrong with songs that are about good times, I've also got no problems that the song lifts from Lynyrd Skynryd. Its about Sweet Home Alabama after all. I probably would have sampled Swamp Music myself but I like to be different.
My problem is that the song directly steals the piano part from "Werewolves of London." For no apparent reason. "Werewolves of London" is never mentioned in the song. There's no line "And we also listened to Warren Zevon sometimes" Kid Rock just takes the piano part from "Werewolves of London" and I guess were all suppose to look the other way, or not be aware of that song, but either way I say boo Kid Rock. Give Warren Zevon proper credit in the lyrics. The only way this problem may be rectified is by writing a song about how we all enjoy listening to "Nighttime in the Switching Yard."