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Degrassi TNG: Soap Opera Summer 2010 - Week 1

"What a Girl Wants" part 2

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Fiona has been given the opportunity to redesign the school uniforms. She presents her designs to the big donors, which I guess include old people and a bunch of 17-year-old girls. But Fiona didn't really redesign the uniforms. She unveils a redesigned school crest, which is a totally different thing.

This one old man is all like 'Young lady, the crest is tradition. You cannot change tradition. argle bargle. flim flam.'

Bobby steps up to defend Fiona (instead of beat her ass). He points out that the old crest glorified the burning of witches and is that a tradition the school wants to honor? The old man is all like 'Fuck yeah we do. And the lynching of niggers. That's right, I said nigger. I'm worth a billion dollars, who is going to stop me?'

Before you send me any hate mail, keep in mind that I have four episodes a week to get through, so I have to rush through these and use the first joke that comes to mind. Maybe that says a lot about me that the first thing to come to my mind was to use the n-word, but I gotta hustle here. But you just know that a rich old fuck who is a trustee of an all white prep school says that word all the time.

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Now the show gets into one of those bizarre, illogical storylines we have come to love from Degrassi. Holly J doesn't want Sav to run for class president. And Anya wants to get back at him for breaking up with her. Their plan is for Anya to pretend she is pregnant with Sav's baby. This will worry Sav and not give him enough time to run for office.

Sav asks Anya during her art class if she is really pregnant. Anya is making something with clay which will bake in an oven for nine minutes. I think the Degrassi writers put in an analogy there, but that may be giving too much credit to the Degrassi writers.

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Back in New York, Fiona spies Bobby making out with another girl, in what I first thought was Fiona's house but then I figured must be their school. The sets look the same so maybe Fiona's family lives in the school.

Later, Fiona confronts Bobby about being with the girl, who Fiona describes as having "golden retriever hair, garish accessories, serous case of skank face." "You're going to have to be more clear," says Bobby. Bobby has made out with a lot of gnarly women. Bobby says the girl grabbed him and make out with him against his will. Fiona doesn't question this because Bobby will totally beat her butt.

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OK, so Mini-Connor is running for grade 10 representative. I don't know how that is different than class president. Is there only one president for the whole school? I thought every grade level elected its own president, but the position is only important when you get to senior year.

Connor and Harry Potter do a rap in support of Mini-Connor in the open mike in the caf. Why is there an open mike in caf? Hell of an honor system Degrassi has there. Most high schools can't have that because kids would just use it to make fart noises.

Mini-Connor stops the rap. It embarrasses him. His speech is interrupted when some girl shows off a Loser List and Mini-Connor is #1. Oh no! Some girl we've never met thinks Mini-Connor is a loser. He's doomed! Alli made that list to get back at Mini-Connor for his list. Didn't she learn anything from her Facerange harassment?

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Alli talks to Clare about Mini-Connor's list. Clare tells Alli to stop worrying because she is the only one who cares about the list, or has seen it.

How about Clare's new look? She has a Kitty Forman thing going. I think Clare wants to look older. She wants to be able to go to the college campus and hang out, sit in on some classes, maybe date a college boy. Until he learns she is, like, 15 and gets a one way ticket to jail bait city!

Mini-Connor explains to Alli that she was supposed to be #1 on the list, but he and Connor messed up the algorithm. What point system were they using? Being South Asian? Under five feet tall? Being the new Manny?

Alli is so happy to learn she was supposed to be #1 that she kisses Mini-Connor. Alli is insanely insecure.

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Back in Canada, Holly J video chats with Fiona, who is a big drunk with her fine, rich people wine. Holly J and Fiona talk until Fiona passes out.

Anya enters Holly J's bedroom. She is enthusiastic about the pregnancy lie and decides to see it through until she will just fake a miscarriage. Holly J thinks that is crazy, but Anya really, really wants to do this. "Whatever it takes, right?" says Holly J. Anya should have replied, "I know I can make it through." but she didn't because she is stupid. Then the two of them should have spoken each lyric of the theme song like it was dialogue.

Holly J: If I hold out.
Anya: If I do.
Holly J: I know I can make it through
Anya: ooooohhhh
Holly J: Be the best.
Anya: The best that I can be.
Holly J: Hear what I say to you.
Anya: Whatever it takes.
Holly J: I can see you.
Anya: I know I can make it.
Holly J: I know.
Anya: I know.
Holly J: ahhhhh
Anya: I know I can make it through.

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Here's what has been going on with Sav and Anya. Sav is going to drop out of the race to care for his fake baby. He doesn't tell his mom about the baby, his mother is just disappointed that Sav won't be "the first Bhandari president" who wasn't assassinated in a bloody coup.

Sav transferred from music class to Anya's art class because having the same classes is the best way to take care of Anya now.

The couple discuss what they should name fake baby. Anya wants to call it Victor. Sav knows that she has had that name picked out for a long time because he caught her looking at baby names after their first date. Back then Anya was younger (but just as stupid) and thought that letting a boy touch your boobs could get you pregnant.

Anya is now on Team Sav's campaign. Holly J is pissed and is all, "We'll see aboot that."

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Fiona is in a funk over having a boyfriend who puts her in her place. Declan wonders what is up and asks if Fiona is going to pull the same drama she did in Jakarta and Dubai. Fiona made out with her brother in those cities too. The kiss was played on TV in those countries. CNN World has hours of footage of the two of them making out. Some guy in their archive department has collected them all and watches them at home during his naked time.

Back at rich people school, Bobby gets a phone message from the girl he made out with. Fiona sees this and screams, "Ahh!" like she is Kurt Cobain and this is a song for Nevermind. Bobby catches her and throws her against a wall. He is going to kick her ass in school. There are people walking in the background but no one intervenes. It's like a What Would You Do? on ABC News, which is not nearly as cool as What Would You Do? the Nickelodeon show. Who cares if a person is more likely to help out a woman who is dressed modestly over a woman who is dressed slutty, I would rather see Marc Summers smack a bunch of little kids in the face with cream pies.

Fiona tries to run from Bobby. She runs up the stairs, but Bobby caches her and throws her down the stairs. Wow. Come on, this is right on campus in the middle of the school day. A bunch of people had to have seen that.

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