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Degrassi TNG: Soap Opera Summer 2010 - Week 1

"Breakaway" part 2

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Fiona is hanging out on her school's roof like she is Jimmy and Hazel. She calls her brother and reveals that Bobby hurt her. Declan wants to know if she wants him to join her on the roof for some loving.

Ah, the incest jokes will never get old. The kiss didn't end the humor. It only made it more powerful. Like the Hydra or something. I have to move on...

At home (or school, it is hard to tell) Fiona uses makeup to enhance her broken eye and then takes pictures of it with her camera phone.

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The photo spreads over Twitter. It's interesting that the show named dropped a real web site rather than give it a stupid Facerange type name like Twatter or something. I think the reason was that the only fake names for a Twitter type site that make it clear it's a reference to Twitter will also sound like terms for female sex organs.

Bobby confronts Declan about this, claiming that Fiona is just a drama queen. As evidence, Bobby shows him the headline from when his sister kissed him. Yeah, I don't know why that would be newsworthy either.

Declan thinks Fiona is lying because she used makeup to make her bruise look worse. I mean, she has a bruise anyway, so I don't see how the makeup really cancels out the fact that Bobby beat her. Declan should probably support her sister on this one.

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OK, let's see what the Degrassi Babies are up to. The Degrassi Babies is my new term for the kids who were in grade 9 last season and have all started puberty now. They were born in the mid-90s and that makes them babies by my book.

Clare talks to Alli about her upcoming laser eye surgery. The girls say it will help with her confidence and while they'll be sore for a day, the results will have guys fighting over her. Jenna overhears this and thinks Clare is getting breast enhancement surgery. Oh, looks like wacky sitcom antics ahead!

Jenna tells KC that Clare will be getting a boob job. For some reason, Jenna expected KC, a teenage boy, to be offended rather than incredibly turned on. "I wonder what they'll be like," he says in a much deeper voice than he had last year. KC has really hit puberty. I hope the actor didn't take my always calling him a girl too hard and inject himself with illegal steroids. So much for the KC of yesteryear. I'll miss the womanly beauty he extolled.

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The boys are looking at porn magazines in gym class. Clare tells them to stop and then Jenna is all like, 'You are hypocrite.' Jenna says she doesn't need any surgery and her body will change on its own. Jenna doesn't outright say boob job and Clare doesn't say the surgery will be for her eyes, so they are both confused and angry and the boys watch in horniness. It's dodge ball time in gym. I expected the girls to have dodge ball showdown about this, but it did not happen. Come on, we have 80 minutes worth of episode this week, we can't have five minutes of dodge ball? That's stupid.

The boy who is gay for Sav says he loves tacos, which is some kind of Freudian slip about him trying to hide his gayness. The whole school knows about Sav and Anya's baby. Anya admits to Sav that the pregnancy is a lie. Sav is cool with it because it seems to be helping his campaign. Alli says that he is "up in the polls." There are polls in high school elections? I assume it's an online poll.

Holly J is angry that Anya has joined Sav's campaign, even though she did so in the previous episode. Holly J threatens to tell everyone that Anya is not really pregnant, but Anya threatens to tell everyone that the whole lie was Holly J's idea. "I need to protect the family," says Anya.

I think Anya is having a hard time separating fantasy from reality. A part of her really believes she is pregnant.

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The presidential debate is held. Holly J runs on experience. Sav runs on making this school fun all the time, with things like a battle of the bands and a senior sleepover (Sav suggested that in the douchest way possible). Sav doesn't understand that a high school class president doesn't really have the power to do anything like that.

Fiona flies back to Canada to be with Holly J. Now that Jane is gone, Fiona is going to be Holly J's one friend. Fiona wants to help with the election. She suggest kissing babies. God damn it Fiona, kiss something appropriate for once in your life.

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There is a new Media Immersion teacher and she is hotter than Ms. Hotass. I didn't catch her name so I'll just call her Ms. Ching-Chong-Ching for now because, hey, it's not like these reviews can get any more racist. She is a new teacher somewhere in her mid-to-late-20s. I guess they want to have a young teacher who can relate better to the teens. Screw that. I'm the same age as her, and I already think teenagers are dumb with their Twilight and Selena Gomez and taking Degrassi seriously. I suppose the school board wanted to hire a young person for Media Immersion.

It's like how CNN has these women under 30 to do those stupid "see what is hot right now on Twitter and Youtube" segments. I hate those. One, because I want to see actual news when I watch cable news. Two, I don't care about what is on Twitter or Youtube. If I wanted to see a Youtube video, I would log on to Youtube, not turn on my TV. It's a stupid way to fill airtime instead of report on real news. Three, the Baby Boomers dominate all the positions in the news media, so reporters of our generation are ghettoized into this small little role of internet fad guru. Then these clueless middle-aged anchors can be all, "Oh, you Millennials and your internets. I just don't get it!"

I think identifying a lot of the web with young people tends to lead to this hostility towards us from older generations along the lines of "I don't get this thing I do not like. This website is dumb and you kids are dumb for enjoying it." Plenty of older folks have taken to the web just fine, thank you very much. Margaret Atwood is on Twitter. Margaret Atwood is a 70-year-old Canadian author who has won several awards. I know, after watching Degrassi for so long, it can be hard to believe that good writers exist in Canada, but they are out there.

I guess it makes sense to have a 20-something teach this class. People born in the 80s were the first age group to take to the web as kids. We were the ones who originated the whole posting way too much personal information and embarrassing photos online. You kids born in the 90s are just copying our ridiculousness.

I like to think the young teacher is there for viewers my age, the people who watched the first few seasons when we were teenagers, but have grown up and have to question whether it is appropriate to still be watching Degrassi. Now people in our 20s have someone we can relate to on the show. We can see her struggle to adapt to real adulthood, watch the kids go through puberty at a safe distance and laugh, and lock herself in the janitor's closet to finger herself for several hours when Spinner re-appears. Just like us.

Back to the plot. Sav wins by the election by 17 votes. Anya is so excited she jumps off her Swiss ball and runs out of class to congratulate him. The new teacher doesn't try to stop her, probably assuming Anya has morning sickness. Anya should have been all 'Oh, my uterus!' when she ran off.

Holly J is sad that she lost. Anya tells her it is because no one likes her. That's cold. One, Holly J is, like, the only likable character on the show. I like Holly J and hate everyone else. Two, Anya is such a bitch. I mean, when these characters were introduced, Holly J was pretty mean to Anya, but then she mellowed out and the two of them were nice to each other. Now Anya has brought out the claws because she is a mother bear now.

Fiona's mother tracked her to Canada. They eat at the Dot because that is the most upscale restaurant in Canada. Fiona's mom is going to hire a lawyer and press charges against Bobby. The Dean trial was the OJ Simpson case of Canada, and the Coyne family doesn't want to make that same mistake, mainly waiting two years to do anything.

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