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Degrassi TNG: Soap Opera Summer 2010 - Week 2

"99 Problems" part 1

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As revenge for trying to sabotage his high school football career, Riley arranges for Drew to get pranked by being stripped naked and Saran Wrapped to the flagpole in front of the school. Awesome idea Riley. Nothing says you aren't gay like stealing a dude's clothes and tying him to something long and hard.

Couch Armstrong shows up on the scene and immediately starts asks Drew who did this to him. It would probably have been smarter to cover Drew's nudity or take the duct tape off his mouth before questioning him but Couch Armstrong is drunk.

In the land of retarded plot lines, Alli has formed the Big D Dance Krew to combat the Power Squad. She is handing out flyers and Bianca calls it stupid and lame but is intrigued when Alli says you're allowed to leave class for practice. Alli shouldn't be making this promise. This club just formed yesterday and probably isn't even sanctioned by the school. Alli legally shouldn't even be putting up flyers on school property.

An emergency meeting of the football team has been called to address the hazing. Snake and Armstrong are totally cool with letting things go. Armstrong doesn't want to endanger the team and Snake is too scared to punish anybody who can beat him up. That's why Alli is the only person in the school who ever gets in trouble. This incident would be completely ignored if not for the fact that Drew's mother is there and she is in mama bear mode. She demands that the school actually put effort into figuring out who did it.

Mama Drew thinks Riley did it. Drew says the perpetrators wore masks and Riley is an upstanding person who wouldn't do that. What game is Drew playing?  Does he simply not want his teammates to get in trouble for fear of looking like a snitch, or is there a more diabolical, homophobic plan being hatched?

Alli's club of people who also don't have friends but want to join a dance club to make friends meets in an empty room and dances around. It is much sadder then eating lunch alone.

Jenna thinks Maryland is making a move on KC because she gave him her brother's old playbook. His sex playbook. Jenna thinks Maryland has also been the one sending him tons of texts. She sneaks his phone out of his backpack and figures out it is really his mother. I thought she was dead. Apparently not. I need to check Wikipedia more often, I guess

Some undisclosed time later, KC is looking for his phone when it goes off in Jenna's backpack. Yup, she kept the phone, even though she had time to put it back. She also didn't turn it off, or even put it on silent so KC wouldn't know she took it. This makes KC mad, but come on, you chose the good looking moron over the ugly smart girl. You have to live with these sort of things happening.

Riley tells Drew that its cool that he didn't tell on him and that he feels bad. Drew tells Riley to suck his cock (before nervously retracting the statement and holding a book over his crotch) and explains that he only refused to tell because zero tolerance would result in the team forfeiting the season. That's why zero tolerance rules are awesome.  If a player tells on his teammates for hazing him those teammates, and the one who was hazed both get punished. That will get people to report hazing. Drew says Riley better step aside or he will tell everybody he hazed him.

Couch Armstrong tells his class that he isn't giving homework so they can go to the football game. Football games are played on Fridays, so really, homework shouldn't have been an issue. People don't go to the games because Degrassi has a horrible team and nobody can figure out why they aren't wearing skates.

After class ends Riley tells Couch Armstrong that he doesn't want to be starting quarterback. Couch Armstrong is all like "Say what?  You're sudden desire to let Drew be starting quarterback mere hours after he received a brutal hazing are completely unconnected events. ” 

Bianca has taken control of Alli's dance troupe and is training them hard in preparation of…well nothing in particular. The group doesn't have any shows lined up, or even has existed for more than a day. Alli thinks the group should go to the football game together to watch but Bianca forbids the group from doing anything together that isn't dancing. Bianca's flagrant disregard of Alli's self appointed authority makes her do that cat butt face thing teen girls do when they are mad.

Alli will be damned if she has to go to a football game with people who aren't in a club with her, so she gets Sav to pull some strings and get the Big D Dance Krew booked to perform before the football game that afternoon. Don't ask how Sav has that sort of power, it will only make your head hurt. Bianca thinks this is a bad idea because nobody in the krew but her can dance. Alli says she doesn't care, she just wants people to know she started a club, so they will think she is cool. Wow, people usually aren't so forward with their self serving corruption. Alli's never been accused of over thinking plans I suppose, so why should she start now. Bianca quits because she is tired of Alli's bullshit and everybody else follows. That's okay, Alli can say she cut everyone for not being cool enough and that she is the only person cool enough to be in her club.

Couch Armstrong is announcing the starting lineup, apparently they don't decide that until hours before the first game, and surprise surprise, all the main characters made the first squad. Good job KC and Zane. The fact that you are the best players despite never playing football before speaks wonders for Degrassi's talent pool. Riley also got named starting quarterback. Take that Drew. Blackmail and extortion only works in politics, not sports.

To further drive home that nobody working at Degrassi knows how high school football works the team puts on their pads before getting on the bus. That's not good for their cleats.

Jenna can't figure out why KC is still mad at her because she is stupid. KC tells her his mom has been out of the big house for 8 months and he is trying to avoid her. He could block her number from his phone, but who the hell actually knows how to do that?  He's a teenager, all he knows how to do on his phone is text and take pictures of Jenna's boobs.

Drew's mom thinks that because Drew was tied to a flag pole he should get to be starting quarterback. She's also upset that nobody solved the case of the hazed jerk even though it only happened that morning. She expects too much. It took my school nine months to figure out I was the one stealing chocolate milk and I told everybody who would listen how much I enjoyed stealing the school's chocolate milk.

Drew's mom goes to talk to Snake about this horrible injustice. Snake of course will cave since women scare him. She's going to start yelling and he is going to have a flash back of the night before when Spike was yelling at him for wetting his pants after she left him tied to the workbench for 14 hours and the next thing you know Snake is on the floor of his office in the fetal position giving Drew's mom whatever she wants so that she will leave.

Drew is fine with his mom's actions, saying that if he can't play then nobody will play. Drew doesn't know what substitutions are.

Clare agrees to go to the football game with Alli because Alli's friends always abandoned her when they find out she is only concerned with using them to make herself more popular. Clare says Alli can't complain when she gets dragged to some science convention over the weekend. That is true friendship, doing something you don't want to because your friend has nobody else.

I think Alli should start a new club, where the sole purpose is to become cooler. They would have a vague name, like Students for Better Today or Intensity Charger, and they would never actually say what the club does. At meetings they could work on techniques to increase their coolness and ways to impress other cool people. It would probably provide more skills needed in life then Power Squad.

Couch Armstrong receives a call on his cell from the school board saying that until they figure out who tied Drew to the flagpole the team won't be able to play. That's awesome and fair. They have no proof the anybody from the team was even involved but damn it, the team will be punished. it's a good thing all the school board members were available to have an emergency meeting during the middle of the day.

Riley admits he pulled the prank. He almost said it was because he was gay but holds back. This would have been the perfect time to come out of the closet because then Drew would have looked like a douche for blackmailing Riley and everybody would focus on Drew's douchiness instead of Riley's homosexuality.

Nobody told Sav that the Big D Dance Krew is no longer a krew. When he announces they will be performing Alli has to announce that she has no friends and can't form clubs well. Then she dances by herself in utilizing a move that just looks like jumping jacks.

People really get into Alli's performance, dancing around and playing that trumpet thing that ruined the world cup. This is because most of the kid's in the stands are completely blitzed. Those sneaky bastards put rum into their Gatorade bottles and the flatfoots never suspected a thing

Riley got a five game suspension from the hazing incident. We are suppose to think Drew is at fault for this, but in all fairness Riley did do it. Sure, Drew was being a dick ahead of time, but what he was doing was only douchy, not against the rules. Riley is at fault and deserves the punishment. At least he was upstanding enough to take the fall for the others involved.

Zane tells Riley he should be out there. Riley says someday he hopes it can be all of him. That includes his gayness. Riley has 99 problems, and most of them stem from his inability to accept that he is gay. Snoogins.

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