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Degrassi TNG: Soap Opera Summer 2010 - Week 4

"You Don't Know My Name" part 1

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Season 10 Episodes 13-16
Canadian airdates: August 9-12, 2010

You Don't Know My Name
Boycott the Caf name: "The Zeno Hotspot Zaps Pimples with the Power of Heat"
Important characters: The Zeno Hotspot
Issue of the Week: Acne

My Body Is A Cage
Boycott the Caf name: "Pinocchio Wants to be a Real Boy"
Important characters: Adam, Anya, Drew, Mini-Connor
Issues of the Week: Transgenderism, Cancer, Class clownism

Alli likes Drew and Drew likes Alli, but Drew doesn't want them to be a couple. He doesn't want their relationship to have labels. He wants to stay fun and fancy free in case a better girl comes along (and she will when the alternative is Alli).

Class president Sav is outraged! No bands have signed up for his band slam except the Connor's auto-tuned mess. Also, Simpson announces it has to be cancelled because Friday is reserved for geriatric yoga. I guess the entire school is reserved. "What is wrong with this school?" Sav exclaims. "This place used to be about the music." The funny thing is, he's not exaggerating. Before this season, like, half the kids were in bands and Degrassi was becoming like that school Jack Black taught in The School of Rock. They should have gotten Jack Black to guest star as a music teacher, but he was too busy. I mean, he was probably filming a movie in Toronto and had a lot of free time, but he wasn't going to return any message left by Degrassi.

Man, a lot of movies are filmed in Toronto. The Degrassi producers should send one of their production assistants to sneak onto those sets, knock on every celebrity's trailer they can find and ask them to appear on Degrassi. Tell them, "You're already in makeup. I can just take you down there and we can film it real quick. We're not big on rehearsal or whatever. You'll be gone for, like, ten minutes." Most stars will turn you down and call security, but once in a while you'll get something from this cold calling. Then I'll see in John Cusack the school hallway and be shocked and appalled. But be sure to refer to the show as "Degrassi High" because, from my experience, anyone born before 1980 only knows the show by that name. "You want me to be on Degrassi High? What, that old PBS show is still on?"

Holly J proposes to replace the band slam with a dance, "a regular, old school dance," as she says. Degrassi has become such a crazy school that a dance is something old school. Of course, to these kids, The Foo Fighters are classic rock. Damn punk teenagers need to stay off my lawn. Sav wants the dance to be a ho-down because he doesn't want anyone to come. They are going to host the dance in Above the Dot instead of a room in school because the show needs to get their money's worth from that set.

Mini-Connor and White Connor stare at Ms. Oh's behind and remark upon its positive qualities. Maybe it is because Ms. Oh is my age, but I find that much more disturbing than JT and Sean starring at Ms. Hasenpfeffer. The Connors really can't measure up to JT and Toby. Connor is asleep in class because he has been staying up all night playing a video game. If the game is not Final Fantasy VI then it's not worth staying up all night for.

Holly J and Fiona are walking in the hall. Fiona says a French word, les mexicaine, which she says translates as "nauseating, disgusting, gross." Then Sav walks by.

I bet Sav probably smells a little. You guys know how I hate to stereotype other cultures, but a lot of those Middle East/Muslim nations have a reputation for not bathing very often. Maybe it has to do with the lack of water in the desert, I don't know, but Sav's parents are immigrants. So if they are growing up in Crapistan and being told "Yeah, twice a month, hop in the tub and you're good. You just want to rinse that layer of dirt off. Death to America" then, when they immigrate to Canada, they aren't going to raise their children any differently.

Connor spends another all-nighter playing his online RPG. I bet it is one of those free online games that are targeted toward pre-teen girls. Connor spent all night answering Disney trivia questions and rating other player's outfits to earn Pony Points. He just needs 800 more to buy the Malibu dreamhouse. Connor strikes up an online romantic friendship with another player whose avatar is a blue fairy and no doubt not controlled by someone who is 40 and a man.

Connor has a nice computer lair set up. He has a PC and two lava lamps and that's all you need. Do lava lamps provide any actual light? I've only seen lava lamps in poor people's houses (so of course there are two in Simpson's house), so maybe those are broken, but I have never seen a lava lamp that could light up more than the lamp itself and the area an inch away from the lamp.

Connor even plays his RPG in the Media Immersion room, because the school gives the students Administrative access on the computers.

Alli writes Drew's essay for history class, because he did not because he is a lovable screw-up or something. She thinks doing this will make Drew want be her official boyfriend. But the history teacher knows that Drew did not write his essay because it is full of very big words he does not know. Remember, Alli is in the gifted program, though you wouldn't know it by how stupid she always acts. Maybe it's like how people who are very intelligent can often be socially awkward. Or maybe they use the word "gifted" in Canada like we use "special" in America. Alli is a "gifted" student who rides the "gifted" bus to school and can count to 50 all by herself!

Also, Holly J and Sav are starting to fall for one another. Sav goes to the cowboy themed restaurant where Holly J is a waitress. Sav watches her wait tables and Holly J smiles at him from across the room while a romantic country song plays in the background. Whoever wrote this episode must love Sandra Bullock movies.

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photo credit: angry guy in zit ad:
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