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Degrassi TNG: Soap Opera Summer 2010 - Week 4

"You Don't Know My Name" part 2

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Drew has to rewrite his history essay on the Victorian Era. Adam tries to help him. Adam says to begin the essay by asking "When was it?" Drew doesn't even know that. He should have quipped, "During Victorian Times! Up your nose with a rubber hose!"

What? Nobody gets that reference? It's from Welcome Back Kotter. You know, the show with John Travolta? Ring a bell?

Oh come on! No one knows what I'm talking about? Really? It's not like I was even alive when the show originally aired, either. I watched it as reruns on Nick-at-Nite in the mid-90s.

"Nick-at-Nite? Yeah, they show, like, George Lopez and Malcolm in the Middle, like, old shows like that."

Oh for fuck!

Drew needs a new girlfriend. He discusses this with KC and they rule out the art girls because they are lesbians and the theater girls because they are also lesbians. I think they assume a lesbian is any girl who wears pants most days of the week. Drew wants a cheerleader because they wear those uniforms every day. He asks out Clearasil, who was named Maryland a couple of weeks ago. Maybe Clearasil is her middle name. Maryland Clearasil Jackson. That sounds like a black girl's name. Most funny sounding, made up black people names usually sound vaguely French, but when black people try to make a France they end up with Haiti, so I guess they end up there with names, as well. Though, in black people's defense, those names only sound weird because they aren't very old. Black parents only started giving their kids made up names around the 1975, so it is still going to take a few decades for those names to be considered normal. It's like how 75 years ago, Ashley and Kelly were boys names, but enough white people gave their daughters those names that overtime they become common, everyday girl names. By 2055, Shalackqwa Bisquik X will be the name of our president.

Holly J talks to Fiona about kissing Sav in the previous episode. At the same time at the Dot, Sav discusses it with Peter. It's like on That 70s Show when Eric would talk about his date with Donna with the guys while Donna would go over it with Jackie. It's like that except That 70s Show was a good show. "You kissed?" Peter asks, "And her lips weren't all tight and angry and hard? She didn't slap you?"

...what? This is what Peter thinks making out with a girl is like? This kind of confirms my belief that Peter is a rapist.

Mini-Connor and White Connor are concerned about Connor Prime's online girlfriend (who could easily not even be a girl) and want him to get a real girlfriend. "Can you make out with an avatar?" Mini-Connor argues. Toby could. Toby has.

Connor is going to meet his online girlfriend for the first time at the Holly J's cowboy restaurant. The others Connors go with him for protection. They wonder who his date will be. I was kind of hoping Connor's blind date would turn out to be Ms. Oh. Turns out it is a mature woman of size. The Connors bust a move out of the restaurant before they are spotted. I think Connor was upset that she wasn't a blue fairy.

Holly J and Sav set up for the dance. They are drawn to each other and kiss. The camera spins around them and romantic music plays. God damn, enough with stealing scenes from Sandra Bullock movies. She is not going to ever watch this, be flattered, and want to appear on the Degrassi. Get that out of your head, whoever is the writer for this episode, Sandra Bullock is not going to be your best friend. Now go back to your studio apartment, six cats, and talking to high school boys over an online RPG.

Drew asks Adam what he can do to win over Alli. Well, not dating another girl is a start. Adam asks Drew if he has ever seen an 80s movie. Drew says no because he is stupid and has never seen Ghostbusters. Adam says that 80s movies showed that a man needs to show a woman a romantic gesture. What is Adam talking about? That was never a part of any movie released between 1980-1989. 80s movies were about teenage boys who spied on women's locker rooms and masturbated and spent the entire picture trying to get laid. The most romantic movie of the 1980s was Back to the Future II. The mid-90s were boom of romantic comedies, several of which starred...Sandra Bullock. Don't play coy, Degrassi writer. You're not fooling anyone. I'm on to your game.

These kids probably think American Pie is an 80s movie. Johnny used to say that in the future, people would think that. It makes sense. That movie is very gross and about teen boys trying to have sex, and it spawned a dozen sequels.

"Nice outfit, Alli."

"Thank you. Pandora Boxx wore it on Rupaul's Drag Race. I get all my makeup and fashion tips from there now."

Here is Drew's romantic gesture. He gets his football buddies to recite a poem in front of Alli about how awesome he is, because every girl wants to hear a guy brag about himself. Alli is not impressed. The boys are bummed. I didn't think it would go well when four large football players surrounded the five foot tall girl. Degrassi football players are quite willing to beat up girls.

Cheer up, fellas. There are four of you and you have decent rhythm. Start a barbershop quartet. Considering that every student in this school has musical talent, you could go far.

Dance time! Holly J and Sav agree to date until the end of the school year. And then they will graduate and Holly J can have her Declan time. That's their arrangement. Holly J reasons that four months is the maximum amount of time anyone could stand to know Sav.

At the dance, Drew and Alli resolve their conflict and get back together. Drew admits that Alli doing his essay made him feel dumb. What? The only way you could be dumber than Alli is if you never were potty trained.

The next day, Drew puts labels on his and Alli's head saying they are boyfriend and girlfriend. There is your romantic gesture! Never would have happened in an 80s movie, though. Putting labels on a person's head is ironic, and irony wasn't invented until 1992. At least now Alli can't say to Drew, "You don't know my name."

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photo credit: teen girls
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