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Degrassi TNG: Soap Opera Summer 2010 - Week 5

"Tears Dry on Their Own" part 1

Season 10 Episodes 17-20
Canadian Air Date September 16th - 19th, 2010

Boycott the Caf name: "The Gay Adventures of Riley and Other Assorted Tales"
Important characters: Riley, Zane, Anya, Connor, Dave, Wesley, Clare, Jenna, KC Eli, Adam, Mr. Simpson, holy fuck is there anybody who didn't appear in one of these episodes?
Issue of the Week: Being gay, having a relationship with an older woman, being pregnant, having a dead girlfriend, trying to be cool, and like ten other subplots I don't care about.

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Alli and Jenna are hanging out in Paige's office. Alli is convinced that Jenna is pregnant and reads off a list of signs a person is pregnant including weight gain and peeing all the time. Then she grabs Jenna's boobs. I like where this is going.

Later Jenna tells KC that she wants him to come with her when she auditions for Instand Star. KC, however, would rather go to his football game. KC tells Jenna she will probably fail, but Degrassi wins one or two football games a season and this might be the one so he better be there.

Dave and Jew Fro don't like the fact that Connor is friends with a lady in her 40s who he plays World of Warcraft Not Warcraft with. Dave seems to be threatened that one of his two friends interacts with somebody else. Dave has worked hard to find two people to be friends with who he is cooler than and isn't going to let some MMORPG loving cougar take that away from him.

In the hall, a football player calls Zane "Rockette" a zinger so fierce that Zane has to explain to Riley why it is offensive. Has something to do with Zane being the kicker, gay, and always trying to capture Pickachu. Riley asks Zane if they can hang but Zane says only when football do Riley and gay Riley become one person.

Jenna is still in denial about being pregnant. Then she throws up in The Dot. Pregnant people throw up all the time, right? Jenna is definitely pregnant or she ate some bad meat.

Dave and Jew Fro introduce Connor to Chat Roulette. This is somehow suppose to make him forget about the MILF (Mage I'd like to fuck) he knows. Connor is less than excited about it. Maybe because he is autistic, maybe because he doesn't want to see a bunch of dudes whacking it.

Riley asks Anya if they can hang out. She says no. Riley tries to get to the bottom of the situation by telling her she can tell him anything. Then she reveals her mom has cancer. Riley is so caught off guard by this awkward turn of events that he grabs his collar, pulls it away from his neck, and stammers "Homina homina homina" before running away, leaving a dust version of himself in his place for a few seconds.

After watching men pleasure themselves Connor goes back to his video game. Doesn't this school have a lock on the internet? When I went to school rom sites were all blocked except for a few that were on the computer's favorites for some reason. The only way to visit a different page would be to type in the direct URL, if you tried clicking a link it would be blocked, for example, if I could access the page for games A-M but wanted to see the games on the N-Z page I would have to type

www.romsite/cartoonpornpopup/roms/n-z.org

It made me feel like a hacker.

So Connor talks to some gamer chick but she is old and fat instead of being one of those perky young hot gamer chicks who take pictures of themselves in the nude except for strategically placed Nintendo controllers.

Connor and his lady friend make plans to meet together to buy the expansion pack for their game. Meeting a person from the internet alone at a location where nobody knows you are going, there is no way this won't end badly.

Jenna is super nervous about trying out for Instant Star and the mean Simon Cowell ripoff judge that every talent competition must now have under penalty of death isn't making things easier. Jenna says she wants to win and he tells her wanting it isn't good enough, you have to have talent and not be pregnant. Then Jenna throws up everywhere.

Look at the bright side, Jenna. You lost the competition, but the Youtube video "Girl throws up on stage" is going to get a solid four stars.

Riley doesn't fit in anywhere at school so he is going to hang out with Anya at the cancer ward. He makes a joke about meeting an openly gay football player there that is in bad taste. Maybe you don't have anybody to hang out with because you make jokes about their parent's cancer. Ever think about that Riley?

KC shows up and tells Jenna that it's not over until it is over. They are going to get her that abortion! Or make her win that talent competition. Whatever! KC better have a good plan though, Drake is here and he is ready to show Canada why he is the best rapper to ever come out of the great white north.

Dave and Jew Fro are sitting in the computer lab trying to figure out why Connor isn't there. You know, Connor might have the Asperger's and be obsessed with an online game, and hangs out with middle aged women, but at least he didn't spend the last hour at the school trying to figure out where he was. He has better things to do than that. Dave and Jew Fro use their Scooby Doo skills to figure out Connor is at the mall buying the expansion pack.

Internet lady flirts with Connor, telling him he is mature and funny. She than tells Connor he is even more handsome than Loki, the best looking of her ten cats. Then she relates Connor a story about the last Renaissance fair she visited. Get it? I'm painting her into a vague stereotype. She is also a Wican, ha ha ha.

Oh shit, I think I know that guy who tries to walk into the store after them.

Dave and Jew Fro are desperate to find Connor. If the two of them go to the movie together people might think they are gay, but if they have a third than it will be cool.

I just learned that Jew Fro is named Wesley. He is the son of Wesley Willis.

So anyways the two of them show up at the game store and scare away Connor's lady friend. This marks the first and last time they intimidate anybody.

After she takes off, Wesley and Dave somehow come to the conclusion that Connor's friend is okay and they will give him and her some space. I'm not sure why they came to this conclusion. It's like there is a scene missing or something. Then Simpson shows up because Dave and Wesley told him Connor was about to get some action, and Simpson isn't going to let any nerdy boy living in his home lose his virginity before he did, which is bad news for Connor. If Simpson has his way it's another 20 years of virginity.

Anya and Riley are at the cancer ward doing homework. The doctor shows up and based off his looks I do not think he is a doctor. He looks like the wacky sidekick from a USA Network show who might dress up as a doctor as part of an elaborate scheme and then while he is trying to sneak out of the hospital some people see him and assume he is a doctor and he can't get away without blowing his cover and now he is curing Anya's mom's cancer.

Anya and Riley both have feelings for Anya's mom's "doctor".

At Instant Star, Jenna walks back on stage because there is nobody to stop her. The security guards are all at Gamer World apparently. Then she plays an Avril Lavigne song which gets her on the show. To celebrate Jenna and KC order some hummus at The Dot al Fresco. When Alli comes by Jenna makes KC go get drinks and begs Alli to get rid of the hummus because she finds the smell overpowering. Either she is pregnant or is turning into The Shaggy Dog.

Sometime in the near future, Alli and Jenna hang out in a bathroom waiting for the result of the pregnancy test. It's too bad the episode ran long and they had to cut the scene where they buy the test from Dwight Shrute. The test isn't showing any results because Jenna pooped on it.

In the end it turns out Jenna is with child. Oh no! What a shocker, Jenna is only the 5th girl on Degrassi to get pregnant. I hope she has some toilet paper handy, tears dry on their own but the pregnancy test is still wet. Wet with urine. And poop. Diarrhea poop.

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