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Degrassi TNG: Soap Opera Summer 2010 - Week 5

"Tears Dry on Their Own" part 2

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Jenna tells Alli she can't believe she is pregnant and a teenager. Its not that shocking 75% of Degrassi's female population has been pregnant. When asked, Jenna says she isn't telling anybody about the pregnancy and isn't going to do anything about it. Alli has to argue that Jenna can't do nothing because a baby is going to come out of her butt in a year and if there isn't anybody there to catch it, it will hit its head on the floor and have Downs Syndrome. It's pretty sad when Alli has to be the voice of reason.

Jenna says Instant Star is more important to her than the baby so she is keeping the baby a secret. Given the life span of most pop singers, Jenna's career will be over before the baby is born anyways.

You know how in every show ever when a woman gets pregnant and she is scared to tell the man, and then he starts telling her how his life is perfect and everything is sorted out and he is so glad that nothing unexpected and life changing is happening? That happens. Jenna puts off the big reveal for a later time.

Snake is telling Connor he can't be hanging out with socially awkward older woman anymore. This conversation is happening at school. It would appear they chose to not talk about it last night at home but waited until the next day to have the conversation. Simpson bans Connor from computers, and gives him a notebook "In my day notebooks were our computers" he says. Simpson was a teenager in the 80s. You know what else were their computers? Computers.

Dave and Wesley try to convince Connor that they are only looking out for him. Then Wesley tells Connor he loves him. Jesus Christ Wesley you're more socially awkward than the guy with the social awkwardness disease. At least he doesn't go around telling dudes he loves them and can get a lady.

Connor tells the two dweebs to get a new person to play Risk with them because he is out.

Later, Connor somehow is able to sneak onto a computer. It's not like every room at Degrassi is filled with them or something. Simpson could just block the chat site but he doesn't know how. Degrassi's IT department consists of old ladies who are also librarians who use to just get Toby to do everything. Now that Toby has joined the robot competition circuit, they are helpless to stop the students from going onto chat rooms and pornographic chat rooms.

Long story short: Connor and the lady agree to meet up.

Both Riley and Anya want to bone Anya's cancer doctor. Cancer doctors just can't resist underage high school students so the only factor is if he wants to put his penis in a vagina or a man butt. Maybe he is bi and they can angle in a three way.

Anya and Riley decide that the best way to determine the orientation of the doctor is to take a page out of any TGIF sitcom and come up with a wacky indirect scheme. In this case they are pretending to interview him for a class which requires them to ask professionals a bunch of unrelated questions about who they like to date. True to TGIF form, the doctor gives them answers that make sense but leave lingering doubts if he has recently broken up with a girlfriend or boyfriend. After way too much of this, it slips that he likes the ladies. Score one for Anya. The next fake baby she has is going to have a doctor for a daddy.

Riley is bummed that Anya's mom's doctor doesn't like to put penises in his butt and mouth. Riley thought dating a person who doesn't go to Degrassi, and is a rich doctor, would make the relationship easier. Anya tells Riley he has to keep looking and he will find the man of his dreams someday. Riley describes his dream man who turns out to be Zane.

At The Dot, Jenna reveals the truth to KC regarding the baby that lives in her stomach. KC is shocked and says "I can't believe this happened to me, I feel just like Craig, and JT, and Sav, and probably Spinner a few times, and Sean. Emma had a pregnancy scare once didn't she? I don't remember it was probably during one of the bad seasons nobody pays attention to."

KC wants Jenna to get an abortion. Too bad it's her body, you don't get a say in this, penis haver. If Jenna wants the baby and half of your money that's her choice.

On the set of Instant Star a production assistant who talks like a character from Juno is having the contestants sign waivers. Alli, who apparently is Jenna's legal counsel, questions the part of the waiver concerning preexisting conditions. She should be questioning the part that says the producers are not liable for any deaths caused by neglect. Juno production assistant lady mentions that anybody on the show who was pregnant would get all the attention but also that being a mom sucks because babies take up a lot of time and ruin your vagina and boobs.

Internet lady wastes no time starting to molest Connor. The second he gets in the car she starts rubbing his leg. Connor doesn't want sex though so he jumps out of the car and runs away. I guess that's the end of that story. Not sure where else it could go unless she starts stalking him or something, and frankly, the lady could do better than Connor. There are plenty of willing virgins on the internet that would love to explore her dangerous dungeons.

Jenna doesn't have parents, so her brother goes with her to her prenatal exam. He is the Tracker of this generation.

Jenna has had this baby feeding off of her blood for 20 weeks now, which is like half of the pregnancy. She just didn't notice that she hadn't had her period in six months. Jenna is stupid, so I can buy that.

Because the baby is almost ready to burst it is too late for an abortion. If she were to get an abortion now the baby would get pulled out and look into her eyes and ask, "Why momma why?" and the physiological trauma to Jenna would be too much to take. So it looks like she is going through with this, unless she gets a magic abortion from a voodoo woman.

Connor reveals to Simpson that he met up with the internet lady again but instead of playing video games she was only interested in the most dangerous game of all, sex.

I know it's a double standard and if the sexes were reversed I would be opposed to this, but come on. This lady goes on a MMORPG and seduces the players. Would any of them other than Connor be upset? He's just mad because he thought they were going to play the expansion pack. I don't think the lady has even done anything illegal yet.

In the end, Simpson apologizes for taking Connor's computer away because he is a pussy.

KC is pretty pissed that Jenna sat around being pregnant for so long that they can no longer suck out the fetus and flush it down the toilet. He doesn't want a kid. A teenage delinquent whose dad is in jail is only an acceptable father figure if you live in Flint, Michigan. KC tells Jenna he can't stop her from having the baby, that would be physically difficult, but he won't be involved.

Connor is only allowed to play video games with Simpson now, which sucks because Spike only lets him play games that are rated E because violence makes him cry. Connor makes up with his old friends.

The episode ends with Jenna and her brother deciding they will not give up. This includes not only the baby but also Instant Star. Jenna is going to take on the role of the pregnant lady on the show who gets all kinds of sympathy but loses and fails to go anywhere because people only liked her because she was pregnant. Tears dry on their own.

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